Funny lines from harry potter books?

Question

i need lines from harry potter books that sound funny if read individually. for example:

* "What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?"

they don't have to be perverted just funny.

thanks in advance

Answer 1

cant remember it exactly but

in order of the pheonix when mrs weasly finds out that rons a prefect and shes all excited and then shes like

"thats everyong in the family now"

and fred or gorge was like "what are we? next door neighbours?"

hahahaha

Answer 2

What are Fred and I, next door neighbors?

Answer 3

Why are you worried about You-Know-Who

When you should be worrying about U-No-Poo?

The constipation sensation

That's gripping the nation!  

Answer 4

I think my favorite line is in Half Blood Prince when Harry said to Snape: "You don't have call me sir, Professor Snape."  

Answer 5

That is so funny! I never thought of it that way.

Answer 6

Harry: "Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours [broom], Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you."

"You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face - like she's got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?"

"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this."

Ron: "Can I have a look at Uranus, too, Lavender?"

"...from now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'die, Ron, die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong."

"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."

"Fred and George tried to get me to make one [Unbreakable Vow] when I was about five. I nearly did, too, I was holding hands with Fred and everything when Dad founds us. He went mental," sid Ron, with a reminiscent gleam in his eyes. "Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since."

"If you're not in Gryffindor we'll disinherit you, but no pressure."

Hermione: "Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?"

"Ron," said Hermione in a dignified voice, "you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"Imagine losing fingernails, Harry! That really puts our sufferings into perspective, doesn't it?"

Fred: "Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..."

"You don't want to bottle your anger up like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, beaming. "There might be a couple people fifty miles away who didn't hear you."

George: "...We're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge."

Luna: "A Wrackspurt - they're invisible, they float in through your ears and make your brain go fuzzy," she said. "I thought I felt one zooming around in here."

"I've never stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons," said Luna, sounding mildly interested. "That was noisier than I thought it would be."

Answer 7

"NOT MY DAUGHTER *****!" One of the best lines of the whole story line. Mrs. Weesley 7th book!

Answer 8

My personal favourites:

Hermione: "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have!" (DH)

Ron: "Lockhart'll sign anything if it stands still long enough." (CS)

Harry/Ron: "Death's got an invisibility cloak?"

"So he can sneak up on people. He gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking." (DH)

There are plenty more, but I can't think of any right off the top of my head right now....

Misplaced Tourterelle-san had some really great ones! The one where Harry is making fun of Dudley is great.... :3