Groups, gossip, witch craft?

Question

Gossip is believed to be a form of witch craft. The idea to "kill" someone's character, if you will, ostracize, etc...

That said, how does one person disuage the gossip that is said about them by a whole group of person?

For ex...I receive recognition/affirmation from most, but I find the group that is my race *not my ethnicity nor culture* to be over critical of me, to the point, dramatizing any flaw I have. I don't want this to be a problem in the future since that group tends to still hang out five years later.

How can I deprogram or make this behavior go away.

Answer 1

Then why hang out with them? try finding new friends who don't critisize you. I don't keep people as friends if they try to belittle me. It's petty and you don't have to put up with it.

Make friends with other people

Answer 2

If you just be confidently what you are,

people will tend to respect you for that , even if they don't agree with what you chose as what they would chose for themselves.

That said, when you first get in with a group of people, if you get established as someone who can be upset or made defensive by little attacks, there are those who'll think it's what to do to you (like it's the role you got assigned in the group), and they'll do it for fun (as awful as that is).

To change that you'll have to change  (or at least how they see you as "having changed")...ie, become someone who doesnt give them what they'd pick on you in order to get (a reaction).

In fact try joining them - do some picking too.

You might enjoy it , like a game.

Males tend to shoot at each other as a form of bonding.

And it could cause you to be seen as 'fun', and easygoing so llikeable.

People will pick at someone who seems hurt, its cruel, but its what they do, respect can't be gotten by trying to show them not to act a certain way towards you by showing it damages you.

You gotta' be cool and easygoing. THEN they'll tend to protect THAT

I dont know why things are this way.

They just are.

As for problems from your race group, I dont have any insight in that area. I just know that I occasionally hear of problems  that seem to stem from say if someone is black, but is acting white to fit in with that group more successfully, but then the black friends wont like her for being that way (or if they even just think she is, and maybe wont even tell her to her face what they say behind her back about it)...but you can pick up signals that something's up.

In a situation like that I'd ask one of them to help, by filling you in.

People dont attack when asked to help.

They like to help.

And it'll put you on the same side.

I hope something made sense here.

Please forgive my writing skills, they're not great!

I like the questions you ask. You seem quite intelligent and also sensitive. And i hope you're finding what you need here at YA

(probably comes just a little at a time, eh?)

I can't find the word 'disuage' in the dictionary (I tried two!) , which is strange because I seem to recall using it myself in past.

Anyway it doesnt seem to exist!  *smiles*      

I hope you have a good day.

Answer 3

The best way is to make a whole new gossip all of your own.

Sometimes to make it real. Murder of the gossip starter. Thats a good  one.

Answer 4

You can learn to accept the fact that you have no control over what other people think, say or do.  The only person you have control over is yourself.

Resistance is futile.

You'll grow out of it - eventually.

Answer 5

This is a flaw in the human race, pointing out the spec in another persons eye. And or some may not know the difference between criticism and or constructive criticism. The easiest thing to do is say, it's not my problem. The most hardest thing to do is to look at the person in the mirror and say...me and you got a problem going on here! Constructive criticism is meant to learn from others that 1. may have gone there and done that, and got the t-shirt and all the heart ache and pain and scars to show ya. 2. To provide one with different view points to help them searching for answers. God Bless ya.