Has someone ever painted your?

Question

"Portrait in Frost" -- a trigee

The night...................................... cold

without you..................................a frozen flower

tells a story..................................a fallen rose

condemns you............................paints my still life.

Answer 1

Wow...where have you been?

Answer 2

I like this.

Answer 3

wow!

now this is a trig!

TD will like it alot.

its very dimensional.

Answer 4

The strangely, but affectionately, named Hypocorism has hit the hail on its ned, two A+ poems united to create a B-. If it is any consolation, I think it is a flaw inherent in the form, and not the poet.

Answer 5

This is almost the third successful trigee I have read; the first two poems are lovely, and have the feel of intensely visual (!) Japanese senyru.  But the composite poem does not cohere well, as I read it: I think the challenge is playing the contrast of `still life' against `tells a story' persuasively.  I feel this distance is too wide to be modulated so economically as this poem attempts.  Still, 2/3 at least, and this is only my reading.

Answer 6

Let me be the first to say...Girl, we were worried about you.

And, lovely trigee :)

Answer 7

Just assumed you were with your muse.

A rose tells many stories, nice trigee.

Answer 8

a trigee -- you do have the expertise to pull it off and quite well!

Poem one hits hard with it's jarring juxtaposition -- excellent.

Poem two: masterful; reminded me of the times I stupidly waited for ex #2 to make it home so I could hear his lies...

The night

without you

tells a story

condemns you

I love poem three -- completely different from two taking me into nature as a painter would see.... and yet, there is more and the depth is enchanting.

cold

frozen flower

fallen rose

my still life.

T.