Help... regarding moving out?

Question

hello. i have asked these questions before, but i have some updated stuff that i would like to add to my previous questions. hehe. ok here it goes...im 18 (turned 18 in april), high school graduate, heading to college in 2 weeks, have a full time job (job is paying 100% for my college:)), and have a boyfriend who is 23, we've been dating for a year and 1 month, and on our one year, he proposed to me. i said yes, so now we are engaged:) yay. ok. parents....my parents didnt like the fact in the beginning of this relationship, that i was dating someone that was 5 years older than me...they eventually got over it but now its new things they do not llike about him which is very stupid. first off, my parents are hypocrits because my parents are 7 years apart, and they started dating when they were young. but its curfews that are the problem. monday thru friday my curfew is 10pm, and weekends are 11pm. if i come home late, then i get yelled at and every minute that im late, its a dollar tacked on to my car payment..its horrible...i just feel that i dont have time to do anything because im always worried about time. and i was out with my boyfriend for 12 hours yesterday at an amusement park and laser tag, and my parents thought it was too long of a time to see him. its ridiculous. i want to move out, but i just dont know how to go about it..im an only child and i know if i go, they will be very upset with me and im just afraid that they'll hate me...i dont want that...i dont want them to like not come to my wedding or not wanting to see my kids...its horrible just thinking about it. my parents did tell me that once i turned 18, i was able to leave, but im scared. i am most likely moving out next month and ill be moving in with my fiance (it would of been sooner, but hes saving for a nice down payment on a new car) so my question is..well actually i have a lot of questions..haha. but..is my parents being a little bit too over protective? how can i tell them that i want to move out next month without making them upset with me?

thanks:)

Answer 1

You may be legally 18 and paying your way through college but you're still living at home and if your parents are paying any portion of your bills for that (ie you are not paying for rent and utilities) then they have the right to make household rules for you. You're on the right track that if you don't want to follow the rules then it's up to you to move out and pay your way.

But moving out like you're planning isn't going to make them happy with you.  They already don't like this guy so much for their own reasons.  It doesn't matter what they are or if they make sense to you.  Hey, maybe they learned something about keeping a relationship going through an age difference at a young age that you should be listening to.  But whatever the reasons, they are there and then you're going to move in with this guy and hope to keep your parents happy too?  It's not going to happen.  You can talk all you want but they are still going to be upset.  If you're set on this course of action then your best bet is to get all the details worked out with your boyfriend and then present the whole plan to your parents.  Tell them as soon as you know exactly what you're doing.  You'll have to have the guts to listen to their reaction and why they don't like it.  Actually listen to their reasons and reevaluate the plan to see if they have some good points.  Change the plan to fix the problems.  Then go a head and move out and pay your own way.  

Look, this is going to be upsetting for them no matter what.  But if this ends up being a good decision for you and you're still happy in 5 or 10 years your parents should come around and like your husband.  But it's going to be tense until they are sure you're OK in the new situation.  You have the right to demand they be polite to your boyfriend but you can't make them like the situation any faster.

Answer 2

yes they are being to over protective you are 18 legally age you still have curfew? OMG ok what you need to do is stay out late dont pay the extra money on the car stand up for your rights tell them you are 18 and if things dont change you are moving out tell them you have already made plans to move and if they dont like it then they need to be the ones to change trust me they are not going to hate you or not come to the wedding this is what parents do and if we allow them to do it it will continue so stand up even if they say hurtfull things dont worry just like when they first hated the fact of you dating this guy they got over it right same thing dont let them rule you now or theyll do it for the rest of your life good luck hope it works out for you

Answer 3

Congrats on the scholarship!

This is about control and boundaries.

If you want your freedom, you will have to take it. They don't like your BF because he is competition. They will not help you, they may not hinder you, but don't expect their support, either.

If your parents are holding the loan, before you do anything towards getting out of the house, you need to see about getting the car loan transfered to your name only and you carry the payment book. You will need their help on this. Tell them you need the credit reference.

That done, move out of their house when you to go to college. Get a small apartment or dorm, and start taking priority items first, a little at a time. Get your BF to help you with this. You can even lower items to him from your window.

I don't recommend moving in with the fiance as yet, and by all means, please keep your finances separate. Better to watch how he conducts himself for a while... how does he handle money and debt? You need to watch this stuff. No matter how good your credit record is, when you marry him, you will get his credit rating. You need to know.