Help revise and add stuff?

Question

Join Christopher Columbus’ Crew for Fame, Rum, and Women

My name is Christopher Columbus and I am in needing of a few sailors. We will be sailing from Spain and will be going to the West Indies and the Caribbean. We will be going to find gold, spices, cloth, and other items that we see. If you join my crew you will become famous, get a jar of rum for every 12 hours you work, and will get all of the native women you want.

* 10 minutes ago

* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

9 minutes ago

can you help maybe make it sound more like old times?? should i add more is that a catchy name??if not please give me some ideas. and this is a project advertisement to try to get people to join my crew.im in the eighth grade so please give me eighth or higher graded material and what are some pictures i should get

Answer 1

The thing is, Columbus didn't know he was going to the "West Indies" (which Europeans didn't know existed) . He thought he was sailing to the Far East. He didn't know about the Caribbean, nor that "native women" would be found, let alone be available. And he couldn't promise fame, which might trigger the thought that more than likely, they would be lucky to survive at all.

Rum, adventure, gold, and spices, yes.

Answer 2

What your advertisement really needs is a good hook.  Start with something that will catch people's eye and make them want to read more.  Since you are trying to get people to do something, why not throw in a few adjectives to make it interesting?  Creating a picture of wealth, fun, and adventure will be more convincing.  Try describing (briefly) the advantages of life as a sailor and why your ship is the only one they should consider.  Old pirate lingo might make it more authentic...you could probably look up a website with a list of some good words.  As for pictures, try to incorporate them into the theme of adventure and fun. (aka it wouldn't be wise to picture miserable looking pirates in a storm)