How 'bout my poem?

Question

What do you think of this poem? I think you'll murder it. People tell me my stuff is weird, and makes no sense. Also that it lacks structure. Oh well.

I awoke

I was in a small room

It's walls were green

I was in a bed

It was hot

A small fan was humming

All for nothing

I could feel the heat

She was gone

She wasn't beside me

I guess I lost

Now I was looking

I saw it

It seemed to be a snake

I heard it talk

I almost swear it

It was there

On the floor....sweating too

It had no life

It just looked at me

Then I saw

This small room had no door

But I was calm

I just turned around

I went to the bed

I layed down

The snake began to sleep

And so did I

Answer 1

Structure is boring. Have you tried writing this in the present tense....may be interesting to see is all, love the weirdness ;)

Answer 2

your right. it lacked structure. it was weird. and it was really good. i liked it a lot.

Answer 3

it was weird but still good

Answer 4

Well, it is certainly different than what else I have read. I wouldn't say weird, because there are many meanings for it. I do like the poem though. The PoV should be a bit more . . . don't mind me if you want . . . forward with what you are trying to say. Unless you are making one of those complex poems where you have to work out all the possibitilies of what everything and anything can mean. Again, I liked it, it was different.

Answer 5

Interesting.  I once write along these lines, but met someone else and the depression of the loss of "them" vanished.