How Do I Help My Neighbor?

Question

The follow situation has happened to my neighbor that lives downstairs. She goes back and forth with her physically abusive boyfriend. We have called the police before. We have spoken to her about leaving him. We have told her to go to a shelter for women and children (she has a child).

She had a restraining order on him, but lifted it recently. He came over last night and smashed her window and hit her. The cops came, but we think that she is still with him. I encouraged her to get back together with the father of the baby (another man). We encouraged her to move in with her mother.

I am worried about myself as I am pregnant and I worry about my husband. We want to move, when we are able to do so. I don't want my baby to learn bad behavior or be unsafe.

I don't understand why she keeps going back to that bad guy.

I was told to ignore it, but how can you if you live upstairs.

Answer 1

it sounds like this person really isnt listening to u, so it doesnt seem like there is anything u can really do about it. i would advise moving to a safer place asap.

Answer 2

you have to ignore it. its not your life or your buisness really. you said you want to move, so move if it bothers you. she obviously doesnt want to help herself at all so just stop trying and get out of there.

Answer 3

I can't believe she hasn't been evicted already for all the noise, fighting and the times the police have been called.  You could talk to her for years, but she won't do anything to change unless she truly wants to change.  Keep calling the police whenever they start fighting and he starts breaking windows.  Eventually your management office will get tired of it and throw them out.

Answer 4

sounds like battered women syndrome

she doesn't think that she is worth any better

and booze and drugs are usually involved somewhere

Get yourself away from her becoming too dependant on you and using you as a confidant..she needs counselling

you can only do so much

When the baby comes your maternal instinct will kick in to overdrive

maybe get her evicted for your own peace of mind

the broken window,  your child could get hurt

all the best, think of you and your family

Answer 5

well you have to think about you safety and the safety of your family first. a member of my family was in an abusive relationship and i tried everything to help her, she had a baby with this man. and she kept shutting me out but i never gave up, she kept taking him back. eventually she had enough and i was there for her and helped her. maybe your neighbor is scared its not easy to leave someone who controls you. when she wants help she will find someone, like family or friends. if you feel you need to move, then do so, someone will be there for her when shes ready.

Answer 6

You are a good person for wanting to help, but you must focus on your own safety and that of your unborn child.

Answer 7

Where I live they have an agency called WEAVE (Women Escaping a Violent Environment).  I would refer her there or if she is not receiving your attempted assistance call social services in your county and ask what you or she can do and they should be able to assist.

Answer 8

It is none of your business what your neighbors do as long as they do not harm you or themselves.

In that event you call the police like any other good neighbor would do.  Stay out of it.

Your baby will not start to learn bad behavior from your neighbor if you do not let him around your neighbor.

You will move or the issue will be resolved by the time your baby is talking and motoring around under his own power.

I

Answer 9

you should call the police yourself! just report him tell her to get another restraining order.