How can I control my child?

Question

My daughter is three years old. She is bright, intelligent and always wants to be busy. The last few months have provided her with a lot of upheavel with the birth of her baby brother. On the whole she is perfect with him, she makes him laugh and smile and loves to help me feed, change and bath him. I have noticed that if I or another person is playing witht the baby, she always get right in there-obviously she is a bit jealous and this is how she shows it. This is not too much of a problem and we can easily cope with this. However, she has also started acting up. She can be rude, argumentative and has also taken to storming of and banging doors. When she gets tired she really acts up, she cries and cries until she gets her own way. I would have thought that by the age of three, crying because of tiredness would be a thing of the past. I know she has been through some reeally big changes recently but I can only us this as an excuse for so long. She starts nursery in September and I am

Answer 1

it's hard dealing with a toddler and a baby....been there, done that. it may sound obvious but have you tried one to one time with your three year old? let someone else take the baby while you give undivided attention to your daughter. it doesn't matter what you do as long you both enjoy it without interruption from baby.

Answer 2

Just hang in there and stay consistent with her ----it sounds like you are doing all the right things and she's a good kid who is going through a difficult patch. It will sort out.

It isn't unusual for a 3 yr old to cry if over tired or over stimulated. I know I've wanted to cry when seriously overtired with a newborn---how about you??? LOL

What was she like at two? Did she have the so-called "terrible twos"???  Kids can have a burst of self-assertiveness at age three and turn into bossy, nosy, know-it-alls...

Be firm, but show mercy if her misbehavior is due to tiredness or over stimulation because it is the adults who put the kids in the situation where they get overtired.

Peace :)

Answer 3

It's hard to be a parent!

You must, must follow through with your punishments, inconsistancy is like a c***k in your armour to a child. She is beginning to see that if she cries enough she will get her own way, which then leads to her continuing the misbehaviour because she knows it will get her the attention she desires, and then she'll just have to turn on the tears to get out of it.

This is all pretty normal behaviour for a child who has a new sibling, trust in your parenting and be consistent and she will learn that you mean business.

It's hard to hear them cry but we have to leave them for their own good sometimes. x

Answer 4

Hun, no matter how hard it is to hear her when she is on the naughty step,m u still need to follow through or she will just get worse. The first few times my kids went on the naughty spot, they cried and cried. Now I only have to give a warning and they stop the bad behavior

Answer 5

I can tell you that crying b/c of tiredness is NOT a thing of the past at this age!!  My 3 1/2 year old acts the same way when he's tired.  If she's usually only doing this when she's tired, try changing her routine some and getting her in bed a little earlier or put her down for a nap. It can make a world of difference!

Answer 6

the clue is in the question you say "she cries and cries until she gets her own way" which says to me that you are giving in to her and rewarding the tears and tantrums.

look at it logically, if you were practically guaranteed whatever you wanted by stamping your feet and crying surely you would do just that. I know for a fact I would if it got the desired result.

the natural parental instinct is to do whatever it takes to stop the crying and make the child happy but you have to remember that it is not necessarily what is best for the child or indeed you

btw i am 41 and still get cranky when tired, please dont expect her to grow out of that one

Answer 7

I think this is a little toddler who's screaming for attention and love. She's desperate and restless. You need to change your attitude towards her. Forget about negativity, punishment, naughty corner. It's not a typical behaviour attitude that you need to treat. Rather give her loads of love, affection. The best thing to do in this case to get her a new reward chart, hang it on the fridge or in her bedroom. Let her get a sticker for every time she helps you bath the baby. Or even a sticker at the end of a good day with no tantrums. At the end of a raw of stickers or a column (depending on the charts) give her a treat. Something that she likes, a book, a toy, a dressing up outfit.. just anything. This will make her forget the tantrums and focus on being good, and that's the only way she should be noticed. If she still acts weird simply ignore her. She will get it at the end that you would only respond to her if she's being good. Just make sure she understands really well the concept of the chart. Best luck.

Answer 8

Feeding your child some fish oil is known to help improve behaviour. As she probably won’t swallow the capsules you could try mixing it in with her food in a way that hides the fish smell and taste.

Answer 9

Hi,

Firstly, I would say that this is just a phase, and she is beginning to test you and your rules. She has had to change from the baby in the family, to the eldest who is having to share you with another baby.

She needs to have firm boundaries and routines. She needs to know that when you say 'no' you mean it. She will need support from you  to begin to manage her emotions, and talk about how she is feeling. There's a really good book that we use at nursery called 'All kinds of feelings', it helps the children identify the emotion they are feeling.

If you use time out, you do need to follow it through to the end, and this can be really hard. She needs to realise that you mean what you say. Supernanny has some strategies such as reward systems and time out techniques that could be useful.

Do you give your daughter some special time, just you and her, when the baby is asleep? My daughter really benefited from this when her sister was born.

Just remember you are doing a great job!

Hope that helps a bit

Answer 10

you could be describing my dd, she is almost 3 and since baby born has been a little difficult, everything you have described is my dd.

the only way i cope is to put her to bed for an hour in the afternoon, make sure all chores are done in evenings and while she sleeps in pm, so i can spend time with her and the baby at the same time.

i have tried all discipline, nothing works unless i stay calm, and almost whisper then she has to stop to listen, then i distract her and totally change what she is doing, and most of the time she gets on with something else and forgets previous tantrum, i am hoping starting pre school in September will help her.

Answer 11

When I was 3, my little sister came along and I purely hated her at that time. I didn't want to, but I can't remember warming to her until a couple of years ago (I'm 13). What probably didn't help, or what made me dislike her so much in the first place was how I was shoved out the way all the time. I was quite clumsy and noisy and I got really jealous. There's even a video of my mum changing her nappy, I toddle up to help and start to play with her and make her laugh, my mum tells me off for getting in the way and tells me bluntly "Can't you just go away?". I questioned her about leaving me out recently, she denied it, then I made her watch the film. She couldn't believe she'd left me out like that and has always moaned at me for being mean to my little sister for no reason. Maybe you're so tired out by the baby that sometimes you snap to your 3 year old. I can only remember the bad things about my sister being born, my mum only remembers trying to involve me and has blocked out when she used to tell me off for getting in the way.

When my parents had me, to stop my older sister getting jealous they swapped tasks so that she had one to one time with mummy or daddy for a lot of the time. But then once I was 3 and the next one came along, my older sister was old enough to understand that the baby needed extra care, I was just annoyed that one of my parents attention was solely on my baby sister and the other divided between me and my sister.

Answer 12

Naughty step is good, but are you waiting too long to use it? If she's starting to cry because she's tired, then send her off for a nap. Tell her she's sounding grouchy, so she must need a nap...if she doesn't want one, give her a second chance, but warn her that she's off to bed if she's still grouching around.