How can I fix this..?

Question

I'm attempting my first poem. (Inspired by one of my questions.)

"Ahem.."

Taking unnecessary risks, was never my intention.

I was afraid feelings that were said to be,

"Worst than death."

I didn't want to end up like the others.

My heart was to remain intact and untouched.

So created a barrier.

To keep the love away.

But one day.

He found me.

Discovering an opening in my heart.

He made his move.

With a simple embrace.

And words so true, whispered into my ears.

He has broken that barrier.

My beloved.

The one person who finally found me.

Freed me from the cold.

And made my heart warm.

----------------------

A little too cliche maybe? How did I do?

Any suggestions on how I can fix this? Something is amiss with this poem. I can feel it. =/

Answer 1

ITS FINE.

Answer 2

its great leave it alone

poetry  can be used to express yourself

who cares if the *** above me doesnt like it

Answer 3

It shouldn't be your last poem. It was your first attempt and it will take writing and more writing to improve. Do not go by people on here that do not know you. Its a screen..Don't let one or two, or even several opinions get you down. Just keep writing and things will come to you. For a first poem I think it pretty good. Yes it needs to be worked on, but that is for you to decide what you feel is best. That's how you learn.

Just keep working, look at others people's work and see how things are structured, learn about different forms of poetry online or read in a book.

Most people on here will criticize but most people will do it in order for you to learn. They are trying to help

Do not be embarrassed. I have seem some cringe worthy poetry on here, you are off to a solid start

Answer 4

Whew,,, where to begin ?

A decided lack of rhythm,

By turns either too wordy with simplistic words or lacking description,

The cliche aspect I can accept far easier than misspellings and the other problems,,,