I grew up in the same home as my mom, but we never really talked or interacted with each other. She went to work 14 hours a day, and she had 2 boyfriends living with us, one of them who beat me and abused me every day for some years, and my mom didn't know about it.
So after 10 years now, my mom and I are living together, just us two. And she tries to love me as much as possible even though she still goes to work 14 hours a day. She cooks for me, buys food I like, and tries to hug me, but I hate her. I don't want to get close to her, but I want someone else to take care of me. I want to meet a girl who will take care of me like a child, but I don't want my own blood mother to. I just absolutely hate her and I don't want her to love me because I don't want to either.
I moved out recently, and my mother cried for many weeks and ended up in the hospital with an apparently "grave illness." When I finally gave in and returned home, she "miraculously recovered."
Lately, she is very protective of me and at one point made a pass at me sexually (I don't want to go into details).
She has given nothing to me in my childhood. She hasn't even fed me when I was little; I had to get food to eat by myself while she ignored me and left me to fend for myself. She only recently started to give me things. I even had to find my own clothes to wear when my old ones stopped fitting.
How can I make her stop loving me? I just want her to hate me forever. I don't care. I want nothing to do with her. NOTHING.
Tags: