How did you feel? (for adoptees)?

Question

Well i was wondering have any adopteed people found their familes? If so how did you feel? Did you find alot in common with them? I ask because i have recently found and contacted my familey. Everyone even my elder half sister (elder by 21 years) wants something to do with me and i feel so.....well....like a weight has been taken off my shoulders! Also i found out that me and my younger brother are almost copies of each other and i am ALOT like my father and a bit like my mother. I was just wondering how other adoptees felt when finding their familey and what happend when they did.

Answer 1

I have found and met my birth mother via phone only.  We have a tremendous amount in common from the few phone calls that we had with each other.  We do not plan to meet in person.  She does not wish to tell her children about me.  Her husband has always known about me.  I have also caught her in a couple of lies.  So for me a huge weight has been lifted but not exactly the happy reunion you describe.  I feel it's better knowing than not knowing.

To the other person who answered with a question, do tell your son as soon as possible.  He will be more resentful if he found out when he was older.  He may play that card (your not my dad) but you could also expect that kind of treatment towards you when he's older.  Kids like to push our buttons and learn quickly that word can hurt parents pretty bad.  He will go through this phase but will also know who his dad is.

Good luck to both of you!

Answer 2

well...

all i can say is congratulations!

because my biological mother has been in and out of jail and no one knows who or wear my biological father is. all i have is anote my mother gave to me at birth.

when ifound this information out i guess i was a"it" factor..

like what if she hadn't given me upo\..

well now i know i probably would hve been in and out of foster care while my mom was in jail.

but anyways..sorry i just need to vent about these things sometimes haha

but i have a question how did you go about finding your birth mother.

i had a closed adoption and cant even get my medical history

i am now 18 and i jus wish i could talk to my mom

i want to see if we have things in common and stuff like that...

sorry to answer with another question but it's been on my mind a lot lately

thanks

Answer 3

well i cant answer your question but i do have a question for u.... OK my biological son was adopted by my husband when he was 4 months old and my husband has been in my sons life since he was 3 weeks old and i was wondering when you found out you were adopted how old were u? how did you feel towards your mom and dad that u were living with? and now that you have found your biological family do u feel any different? my son is only 3 and iam planning on telling him as soon as i think he will understand most of what i tell him so probably between the ages 5 and 7 just depending on him. i am just so scared he is going to turn against my husband and have that "your not my daddy" kind of attitude even though he is and he knows it. so please anything you can tell me about how it all affected you even though i know the situations are a little different i would appreciate it. thanks

Answer 4

im glad your experiece was a good one. i found my birthmother about 7 years ago and so much about myself suddenly made sense.

my mom and dad were quiet, country, laid back and not rock the boat type of people. i on the other hand am loud, outgoing, silly, rock and roll with black leather. needless to say, they think i am insane.

but my birthmother, well after about 5 minutes on the phone the first time i just started laughing. we are like two peas in a pod. we dont physically look much alike, but personality wise, its like were clones.

i wasnt crazy after all. just different.

overall it was one of the best things i ever did. i love both my families, my birthmother will never be mom, i address her by her first name, but i love her just the same. she gave me the best thing any parent could, a chance at a life

Answer 5

I found my biological parents almost twenty years ago.  I first met my biological father, who I take my looks from.  It was spooky and great to finally see where my looks come from!   I didn't keep in contact with him, he was married and his wife felt threatened by me, but I'm so glad I was able to meet him at least once.

I met my biological mother a little while later, and was completely suprised at how similar we are in personality and interests.  Our laughs are exactly alike, and it's bizarre how we use the same words and we sound the same when we're talking!  Really weird.  

We also have so many interests in common, I couldn't list them all.  It's very different from my adoptive family's interests, and so I'm very convinced that a lot of personality is inherited.  It felt so good to finally feel like I belong.  She and I remain in contact even now.

I'm really glad for the experience of meeting them.  I love my adoptive parents very much, but have always felt like an outsider in my family.  I have two brothers that are my adoptive parents biological children, and can see how close they've always been.  This just made my isolation in my family that much worse.

It's a great relief to feel a connection to someone, that goes beyond just having been raised in the same house.  I'm sad that I have no biological siblings, though, you're so fortunate to have that opportunity!

Answer 6

I am also recently reunited, except that I am too late to meet my mother.  She died 8 years before I found her name.  And that was (and still is) incredibly painful to me.  But I seem to be getting along well with the rest of the family so far.

It was amazing to see my mother's picture, because she looks so much like me.  Until my daughter was born, I had never seen a family resemblance between myself and another person.  I had always been very self-conscious of my facial expressions because they don't look like anyone else's and I thought I looked really weird, but now that I know where my smile comes from I don't feel so strange.

I think reunion of some kind is good and necessary for adoptees, even if all you get is a picture and a name.  Even though my search had a sad ending, I definitely feel complete in ways I did not realize I was incomplete beforehand.  It's very strange, it's still painful and still a struggle, but I'm better off for having done it.  I think we have a right to our own identities, and I think part of every person's identity comes from knowing who their ancestors are and how they came to be.  It's not everything, but it's something and it's important.