How do I cancel my Wedding?

Question

Last week my Fiance called it all off and told me he doesn't love me anymore. We have since decided to try and work things out because we have a lot of commitments and I still love him. However the Wedding is booked and registrar is booked and guests have started booking their rooms at the Hotel. How do I cancel it all now? We have only paid deposit at the moment so its not a huge loss..but what if he changes his mind and does want to marry me should I wait for abit?

How do I cancel it though?? It's just to horrible, what do I say to all my family who are all very excited about it??

Answer 1

I've been through this.  I called mine off by calling everyone and telling them personally.  I just said that I had decided that this wasn't the best thing for me right now, and no one questioned it.  Most of the people were able to cancel their reservations without paying a fee.  

I thought long and hard about my options at the time, and I'm glad I did what I did.  Don't get married just because you want a wedding.  You need to really know that this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.  I looked at my ex and knew he wasn't the guy.  I loved him, but I wanted more than him, so I moved out, called the hall to cancel the wedding, and started calling the guests.  I used a phone tree to get a hold of everyone, for example, I called my grandmother, and she called my aunts and uncles on her side.  It took a half hour all together to cancel the event.  I left my ex in charge of calling his side of the family.

I met someone perfect a year later.  We had a huge, beautiful wedding last year.  Everyone came.  They told me that if I didn't marry this one, I'd be "the little bride who cried wedding".  If you aren't absolutely, positively sure, just don't do it.  And if you can't get along now, just wait until you are married with a kid...  I have never heard of a couple who has survived this.  I've only seen them get back together and get divorced.  I wish you the best, you deserve better!

Answer 2

wow i am so sorry that u have tocancel ur wedding but it is always better than a divorce and better now than later sweetheart..best of luck

Answer 3

Sounds like a lot of your guests are going to be out of pocket and will blame you.

Two options.

First go through with it and then divorce , that way all your guests enjoy the wedding and won't blame you.

Second, get yourself another bloke and just get married on the date you have booked. Apart from a change of name with the registrar you won't have any extra costs.

Answer 4

Its sad but it is far far better to cancel a wedding than to go through a divorce.

Answer 5

Letting guests know when canceling a wedding

When you've made the difficult decision to cancel a wedding, you should notify your guests as soon as possible. As in postponing your wedding, you should send printed cards if invitations haven't gone out, and call everyone if they have.

Printed cards should read along the lines of:

Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Scott

Announce that the marriage of their daughter

Anne Scott

To

Kamau Thomas

Will not take place as scheduled.

*Explaining why you're canceling the wedding

While many people may ask you why you are canceling, it is not required to explain. If pressed, say something like "we made the mutual decision to not get married right now." Of course, your support system of close friends and family will help you grieve the loss of a wedding and a marriage.

After notifying family and friends, the next step is to notify all vendors

If the cancellation is due to a death in the family, illness, etc., contact your wedding insurance carrier. (Unfortunately, if you canceled because of cold feet, you will not receive any benefits from your policy.)

Then start contacting your vendors, first by phone, then in writing. Check your contracts which should have a cancellation policy entitling you to a return of a portion of your deposit if you pull out by a certain date. The closer you are to the wedding, the less likely you are to get anything back. Still, it's good to cancel in writing so that no one will try to bill you for any more than you've already spent.

*Don't forget to cancel the honeymoon

Your ability to recoup any expenses, particularly for airfare or cruise tickets, depends largely on what kind of ticket you bought, and the airlines or cruiseline's cancellation policy. If you bought trip insurance, it is only applicable in cases of illness, natural disaster, etc., not changes of heart.

*Canceling a wedding dress

If you've special ordered your dress, you may not be able to get any of your money back. After all, they were making it especially for you and your measurements. Contact the dress maker as soon as possible to see what options are available to you. If it's early enough, they may be able to stop production and refund some money. Some dressmakers may be able to sell the dress for you at an upcoming sample sale or discount rack. But if the dressmaker says they can't do anything for you, you still have options. Many brides sell their dresses on ebay, while others turn to consignment shops, or simply donating their dress to charity. A few brides are even able to take their dresses to a costume shop to have the dress dyed so they can wear it to parties!

*What to do with the gifts

You are supposed to return all engagement, shower, and wedding gifts you've received to the guests who sent them, along with a note thanking them for their generosity. Some people feel that monogrammed items are an exception, but since you probably don't need reminders of the wedding around, why risk offending a friend? You may have started using some of those early presents like kitchen utensils and linens; and in this case, it's probably okay to keep them.

*What about the engagement ring?

If the ring was a family heirloom, it should go back to the family that it came from, no matter who called off the wedding, for any reason. If the receiver of the ring is the one to call off the wedding, it should go back to the giver. If, on the other hand, it is the giver of the ring who calls it off, then the receiver may opt to keep it, sell it, or return it. And, if the couple bought the ring together, then they should decide jointly what to do with it, along with any other joint property.

Answer 6

sounds like he has cold feet talk it through all is not lost this can happen a lot reasureance is all that is needed be gentle it is a big commitment getting married dont call it of just yet god luck

Answer 7

don't turn up simple

Answer 8

Just explain to your family and friends that you are so sorry but u have both had a long chat and u dont know if u are ready for it.

tell them the plans and the excitement has gotten too much for u both and u want to wait untill u are 100% certain that u want to get married.

they will understand! dont get married just for the party for your family!

this man obviously isnt sure what he really wants so cancel it right away. what if he goes ahead with it because u dont cancel soon enough and its not what he wants? he will feel forced and wont be a special day, it will be a nightmare in the long run.

if u do decide to get married then u can plan it again,and book it again, next time together and in love, and knowing that u are doing the right thing. If you go ahead with it this time with speak and thoughts of doubt then it is not going to work and u will feel the strain.

Im sure there will be help on how to cancel. just ring up i would imagine and it will be ok! ur family will understand i promise, but at the end of the day it is not about ur family, it is about you!

good luck!! xx

Answer 9

I am so sorry to hear that you are having to cancel the wedding. I know that it must be a huge disappointment. It is always hard to tell family and friends - but I am sure that they will understand. They want you to be happy and marriage is a huge commitment.

If your fiance does change his mind about the wedding then I would definitely wait a bit. He doesn't seem to really know what he wants at this moment - and you definitely shouldn't allowing him to yank you back and forth.

There are a couple of ways you can go about canceling the wedding. You can send out announcements to family and friends. Or, you can have your family tell people by word of mouth.

If you wish to send out announcements you can just say something simple like this:

Due to unforeseen circumstances the wedding of Jane Smith and Jonathan Jones, scheduled to take place on October 15th, 2008, has been postponed until further notice.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. But be sure to take care of yourself in this very difficult time...and don't let this guy pull you back and forth. He is an adult and needs to be able to make up his mind. If you still feel you want to work things out with him then that's fine - just be very cautious.

Good luck to you.  

Answer 10

As has been said previously: better to cancel the wedding than go through a divorce.  And I'd think long & hard about trying to work things out w/your fiance, other than working out how to handle the "commitments" you already have together.  He's already let you down on the most important commitment - your wedding.  As for the guests, let the ones YOU invited know what's going on & let HIM contact his family & guests himself.  Do NOT do that for him!  Also, don't worry about your guests disappointment.  I'm sure they will understand & sympathize w/you.  If not, then too bad.  None of this is your fault.

You've most likely lost all your deposits - & your jerk of a fiance should cover, or pay you back for those losses since he's the 1 who caused those losses.  You should also return any wedding presents you've already received - & let HIM cover any return shipping charges!

If I were you I'd count myself lucky & move on.  Good Luck to you!

Answer 11

I would tell family and friends together, as for the hotel etc., I would just give them a ring but be prepared to lose deposit etc.,

Likewise with the registrar, dont worry it happens all the time.

Answer 12

I am really sorry that you are having to face this. In my opinion as he was the one who decided to call wedding off, he should be the one to sort out the cancellations and explanations.

Answer 13

Let me ask you this: do you REALLY want to marry a guy who is heartless and cruel enough to pull the plug on your relationship and your engagement, by simply saying he "didn't love you anymore?"  Even if (when!) he realizes what an idiot he was and comes back with his tail between his legs, I wouldn't take him back, so I don't think you should worry about letting the wedding venue get away just in case he changes his mind.  It's one thing for a young guy to get cold feet and suddenly be afraid to get married- it is entirely another thing to have that guy actually utter the phrase "I don't love you anymore."  That, to me, is unforgivable.  

As for cancelling the wedding, just have your mom, MOH, bridesmaids, etc. form a phone tree to notify the guests that the wedding will not be taking place.  They don't need to discuss specifics- just have them say that the wedding has been cancelled, and have them provide the guests with information about how to contact the hotel for refunds (most hotels offer cancellations with full refunds up to 48 hours before their booked stay).  Don't call any of the guests yourself, because if you're anything like me, you'll start blubbering and spilling the whole story, which will cause everyone to feel very uncomfortable (especially you!)  Just tell the whole story to your closest friends, and they will rally around you and support you, while helping you to cancel your reservations.  You will lose the deposits, but what's that compared with being married to a total ****** with not a shred of human compassion!! I feel for you, girl- stay strong!

P.S.  If I were you, I'd still go on the honeymoon (if you booked it already).  Bring your best friend and treat it as a "glad I didn't marry a jerk" trip.

Answer 14

I'd rather go thru the embarrassment in front of friends and family and lose all the money than spend the rest of my life with a guy who does not love me or paying for a costly divorce.

It can be very emotional so i would have my mom and maid of honor contact guests and let them know without much explaining. You can have them say its been postponed (but of course we know your not going to give him another shot in h**l!)

Answer 15

That Blows!!! take your losses and run.  A man that does that doesnt deserve you... thats just the beginning of how he is going to act for the rest of your merried life, next thing you know you will be divorved.

Answer 16

Even if your boyfriend changed his mind now,would it be the very best way to start a life together?

You are getting some great advice from the Answers-i think you should listen to what they are telling you.

Answer 17

Cancel it all. If he says he doesn't love you anymore, my best guess that your 'reunion' will also fall apart eventually.  If it does succeed, then just get married and have a reception.  

Just tell them it is cancelled. It's painful, but you get over it.  In my case, I had a justice of the peace wedding and found out several weeks later that my marriage was not only not valid (bigamy) but my ex also many thousands of dollars in debt (funny how he never mentioned that).

Answer 18

Well he shouldn't leave everything on your shoulders. It should be a combined effort in letting family members know that the wedding is off. I would not wait to see if he changes his mind.  

Answer 19

Tell everyone TODAY.  The longer you wait the more it's going to cost you in canceling fees.  And your family isn't going to appreciate losing their  deposits, either.  Some may have even had to work out a different work schedule.

Start making phone calls, you, your MoH, your mother.

Then send out a "Don't save the date" card.

You don't owe them a detailed explanation.  Just tell them you & your fiance have decided to postpone the wedding. .....and that you're sorry.

I think you & your fiance need to find someone to do a bit of counseling with before you make any lifetime plans.

Answer 20

Why dont you postpone it for say, six months rather than cancel it. He may just need breathing space.

Tell your guests now, that its postphoned, ring them all , and give back gifts,

If you really need to cancel it, well at least youve had time to get used to the idea.

Answer 21

Sorry to hear that, but I believe he was VERY clear "He doesn't love yoiu anymore. Please, do  yourself a favor and don't marry someone who doesn't love you. You will have a very miserable marriage. He will cheat on you and the whole thing will end up in divorce with poor kids involved in it. Cancel, and cancel now. Have a little bit more dignity and don't marry someone who is not sure if he loves you or not. What are you gonna say?. Well, tell  the truth;after all is not your fault your fiancee fell out of love. At least this is happening before you make the biggest mistake of your life by marrying someone who doesn't really love you.

Answer 22

I think word of mouth is best.  Recruit your bridal party, your parents and some trusted relatives to "break the news" to other guests.  I was thinking you could send out a letter or postcard, but that just seems so cruel and you shouldn't have to subject yourself to that.

The best is to just call people or have others call, e-mail or write letters.  

Answer 23

Send out follow up to the invitations that just say you and your fiance had some personal things come up and the ceremony has been put on hold.  Just tell them the wedding has been postponed for the time being.

As far as your family is concerned, tell them you have had some issues and want to work them out before moving forward.  It's not a stop, just a set back.  You wanted to make sure you were truly reasdy before you made that big a commitment.

Answer 24

http://www.weddingetiquettetips.com/advi...

this will help!! there are wordings to send out notice here

Answer 25

confirm with your fiance that you will be canceling the wedding

if it's a go - start calling everyone ASAP (especially those that booked a hotel) - cancel everything that you booked (you will end up losing all your deposits most likely ) read all the contracts you've signed to double check

Answer 26

tell them the truth you seem like a good person why shud you put a curtain on you fiance and protect him.

let him do the explaining and if he doesn't want too which im guessin will be the case tell family and friends the truth.

Answer 27

send out a letter and email ASAP

call those who have booked rooms

call registrar and cancel, and let everyone whom who have booked know about the change in plans

you do not have to say cancelled - you can say postponed