How do I help my son?

Question

I have 7 yr old twins and a 10 yr old stepson.

One of my 7 yr old is having issues with hitting. When he gets mad he hits. He says that he doesn't know why he does it. I have tried taking things away from him, praying with him and just talking to him about it.

Well, a little while ago he hit my oldest a few times. He was mad over losing on a video game that they were playing.

He doesn't hit his twin, just my oldest.

My son cries and tells me that he doesn't know why he does it and that he doesn't want to... he says he can't control himself

I am wondering if anyone can help with this.

PLEASE do not tell me to hit or inflict any pain on my child. That would only teach him that it is OK to hit.

Answer 1

I have to agree with maccrew. Anger issues can absolutely escalate if not taken care of at an early age. And all you have to do is watch the news about all the school violence and shootings to see what the end result can be. Stop being so overly sensitive.. you asked a question and you don't get to whine just because you didn't like someone's answer.

Answer 2

I'm a 14 year old kid that used to have problems like that. i am diagnosed with ADHD, i used to hit and break everything around me and go crazy when i got mad if i didn't take my medication. its hard to pay attention and to control yourself. iv been taking  meds since i was 6 and stoped when i was 11, and ever since i stoped iv been failing grades, getting into fights in school, not paying attention, and getting out off control, my parents went to get help for me they said its couse of my ADHD and got back into my meds. iv been taking my meds now for 5 months and turned out to be one of the greatest decisions that I've made in my life, now I'm behaving, getting great grades in school, not breaking stuff, hitting people, or any of that. people that have this diagnosis cant control their actions, the worse thing to do is to punish him. its sometimes hard to to understand that you child has ADD or ADHD, but if you dont do something about it, it can get much worse over time. check with a doctor for help. remember ADD and ADHD is something that some people are born with it and can have difficulty in understating thing, and learning, it can be treated but it cant be cured. the woman that said that is the craziest person i heard, dont listen to her ever.

hope this helps you to find a solution

     good luck:-)

Answer 3

I disagree with your thinking hitting back would only teach him it is OK to hit.  I believe it would teach him that he is not the only one that can hit and that it hurts.  If he knows that there will be retaliation he might think twice before striking out at anyone else.  If you don't teach him now some one could and probably will later on in life.  He could be hurt far worse then than now.  I am sorry but I am an old man and I know that physical punishment works.  Worked on me and my children.  I don't believe in punishment to abusive excess is ever needed.  Applied properly to the rear seems to work fine.

Prov 22:15  Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

(KJV)

Answer 4

I would take him to counseling.  

Or every time he hits - make him go to his room with no toys and no tv.  

Answer 5

i don't have a good answer as far as what to do but I can tell you that you aren't alone.  i have twin boys as well, and one is much more tempered than the other.  my oldest and one of the twins don't hit, or bite...nothing like that. the other twin, whew...i am at a loss for how to change the behavior , i will be interested to see if anyone has any ideas. i guess i was hoping that he would out grow it...

Answer 6

Hi, Rough day?..Have you tried strong punishment? You must do something or else your older child may think it's ok to be bullied out of anger,has the older son ever done anything to the younger one?Perhaps there is a small hint of unconscious jealousy?Maybe the next twin can shed some light as to why..Everytime he does it make him write 100 times(with pen/paper)I will not hit when I am angry..I pray God takes care of this before your oldest gets feed up...Take something away that he likes everytime he hits.I'm sure there's something he loves more than hitting..Take them and see what  happens........Blessings Yahoo.B.Mack/Sir Isaac Hayes RIP

Answer 7

Maybe help him control his anger like tell him when he is angry to punch the pillow instead or go for a short walk or run around the Yard...no matter what you chose i would defiantly take him to counseling, if you don't fix this problem now when he gets older he could kill someone.

Answer 8

maybe he has issues with ur oldest son? but i agree with counselling. thats the way to go.

Answer 9

Maybe you could discuss with him some appropriate ways to handle anger. If he honestly has anger management issues, talking with a therapist could help him learn how to handle his anger.

Answer 10

Hun he can control himself if he couldn't then he WOULD hit his twin brother too, is he envious of his 10 year old step brother at all, if he seems to be losing it over a video game then tell he 'You will not play it if it continues' and if it does try what i do with my twin daughter Take It Away from him, and so on if he continues take his things away, we did this with our daughter and believe me it worked better than anything, there was a point she had so many things removed she was so fed up and then we made her earn things back, he is old enough to know its not right to hit his brother and react that way

Best of luck

Answer 11

I agree with the posts that he must be able to control it somewhat if he only hits one ... or its that he resents the older brother more or feels more intimidated by him or more angry with him.  But at 7, he is old enough to LEARN how to control the impulse.  I probably would have let the tears go and such maybe once or twice but he should be able to keep it under control.

Teach him to have another outlet for his anger when he loses.  Tell him he can hit a pillow or growl ( I used that for my toddlers a lot) or he can walk out of the room and yell.    If he continues to hit people, then tell him he can no longer do that activity - ie: video games or whatever it was that caused the anger.  

All he needs is some tools to manage his anger.  It doesn't sound like he has a huge problem just needs a little help.  

Answer 12

Take him to a child psychiatrist (I can't remember what the proper word for one of them is!)

And remember it is natural for siblings to fight but not that much.

Also, with twins, there seems to be a balance of good and bad between them, for example, one twin may be 80% good and the other may be 80% bad, just to balance it each other out. It's just a fact of life.

Answer 13

Have you tried putting him in a 7 minute timeout when he hits, every time he hits?

I think he might be crying as a way to manipulate you.  Sorry... but I used to do that to my mom and I remember VERY clearly turning on the tears so she might not be as mad at me for hitting my brother.

You might also want to get him a punching bag that he can take his frustration out on.  Tell him that if he chooses to hit another person then he will go into timeout for 7 minutes every single time.  No arguments about it.

If he is angry and he needs to hit something, go hit your punching bag.  :-)

It's good exercise and a good release of tension!

Good luck!

STE_LUK-You are full of c**p!  I have twins myself and they are not 80% good and 80% bad.  That's such a load.

I also disagree with everyone saying he needs to go to counseling.  Boys will be boys.  I just think he needs a more productive way to get out his normal human frustrations.  

Hang in there mama!

Answer 14

I'd suggest counseling and soon. Kids with anger control problems can go on to do much more damage when they get older. You can't have this child's anger escalate until he gets mad enough to possibly take a weapon to school and kill someone.

EDIT: Excuse me, Madam, but today's killers were once sweet 7 year olds, too. Get your head out of the sand.