How do i make myself happy .?

Question

after splitting up from my husband after 40 years and 5 children later. one of my sons went to prison and made mates with some really bad people.he became a cocaine addict.started smashing the home up my husband would always back him up.so i had to get an injunction to keep them both away.please help me.

Answer 1

well sounds like you have had a lot to deal with! If I were you I would NOT move if your happy where you are. Instead take comfort that there is an injunction order in place and if they come near do not hesitate to phone the police!

How about volunteering in a second hand shop just a day a week to give you some socialisation, get on a college course and get some skills learnt.. all seem hard to face but only you can do it hun.

Good luck!

Answer 2

MOVE with no forwarding address,,,

Answer 3

I feel sorry for you.. its very hard to stay happy when you are in that situation for the kids.. but I guess we have to find the way to cheer up ourself.

life is to short and you need to stay happy as you can..

good luck!!

Answer 4

go on the jeremy kyle show!  

that'll sort you bout, failing that go on the feckin trish show!

btw are you claiming dole whilst I have to work?

Answer 5

Lots of good answers here as to the logistics of it all.  As a mom of a grown child who has really messed herself up, been a great source of heartache and been a disappointment and is still messed up, and a broken marriage that still hurts, I can tell you the following that often helps me, emotionally/psychologically.

Myself, as a mom in this situation, I don't think I can ever be "happy" being hurt by having a self-destructive child.  So I don't expect "happiness"; (lower your expectations, you won't be disappointed)   To me, to be at PEACE seems a lot more attainable...I try not to think always of only my situation and pain, but realize that no matter how much I'm suffering, there is someone suffering worse in this world.  In some war, there's a widow whose husband and all her children have been killed.  How can my pain compare to that?  My child's still alive, and thus there's always a chance.  Another thought, is contemplating life, the universe, that we are really insignificant in the huge scheme of things.  The universe will have it's way, what will be will be, what will happen will happen, just let go.  In 100 years time, my children will be gone; then, none of this will matter.  Another thought is the Buddhist thinking; attachment/desire leads to suffering; break the cycle of attachment/desire, suffering is relieved.  Attachment to an outcome (I wish my child were __________, or wasn't _________, I desire (want) more money, to be thinner, etc.  For some reason, I feel a lot more peaceful--inner peace, peace of mind, the peace that comes with accepting things instead of wanting to change what you can't., with this Buddhist type of thinking.

Also, connecting with nature has a more spiritual significance for me now.  With all our problems, "the world" isn't awful, we all stress over the world of people.  There is a whole world out there, in nature, that was there long before we humans were here, and will be there long after we're gone.  The sound of the ocean?  The waves lapping the shore? That has been happening, wave after wave, for billions of years, every moment, hasn't stopped, through every age, your grandmother's whole life, your mother's, yours, your children's, and will keep going.  There's some kind of peace in experiencing, hearing, seeing that, thinking that, shutting all else out.  It's like connecting to eternity, the timeless. Or look at the stars..the moon...relax, soak them in. Now that's really ancient history!

I'd say, keep busy, scrapbook or something like that...

So, maybe you could start finding what kind of spiritual/religious ways would help you feel peace, keep the good relationships you have or make them better with your other kids/grandkids, and maybe help others who are suffering or needy by volunteering in some way.  There are so many ways people, or animals, or the environment need help right now.  Also, if you can't move and are scared, maybe you could get a neighborhood watch group going to feel more secure in your neighborhood, and get some pepper spray  for self defence, which is not lethal, learn how to use it if you don't feel safe.

Best wishes to you, I wish you peace...   : )

Answer 6

You need to look up groups for people your age. Have you tried Social Networking sites? or seen what is on in your local area ?

I must be so hard to cope with the things that you have, but you HAVE - so be pleased with yourself.

If your kids are all grown up, why should you worry about them now. Love them sure, but don't let their lives ruin yours. GET OUT THERE LADY !

My mum, probably your age maybe a bit older , she gets out and goes swimming 4 times a week. 12 lengths she swims at 69 yrs of age, and looks and feels great for it. PLUS has made some nice new acquaintances. She & my dad have been married 48 yrs, and are still together, but he's BORING so she gets out.

Try googling Social Networking Over 40's / 50's What ever age you are.

GOOD LUCK. You can find nice things to do.

x

Answer 7

If you can I would move away. Since, you have an injuction I would hope they won't come near you.

It's not your fault that your son turned out that way. He went to prison, which means he probably did something bad at an early age.

What about your other children? How are they emotionally.  If they are allright then I would focus on them.  

Answer 8

What do YOU think will make you happy? If you have got an injunction then you have taken the first steps towards a happier more peaceful life. Take everything one step at a time and get to know yourself as an individual again, as im sure you have put the majority things that make you happy on hold while raising 5 children (well 6 including your husband!).

Walk, sing, paint, dance, take up a hobby you have always wanted to take up and make sure you do it this week, not next. Find new friends in your area, Gumtree is a great network to find people in the same boat as you. Enjoy your other 4 childrens company, be involved in their lives and try to forget about those who dont appreciate you.

I hope you find happiness, and wish you all the luck in the world.