How do i stop feeling abandoned?

Question

My cousin, who is also my closest friend, had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks ago -culmination of a lot of things got on top of her. Since then me and her boyfriend have been the only ones she would talk to. We got her to the doctor and on valium and between us have made sure that she has not been on her own. In the last fortnight, I have spoken to her several times a day and throughout the night, have taken time off work to look after her and have spent virtually every evening and several days with her so she is not on her own- she said she couldnt handle being alone with her thoughts.

She is now luckily starting to feel better- the tablets have calmed her down and she is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Having been so worried about her (to the extent that I am also on tablets to deal with the anxiety), I am relieved that things may be starting to get back to normal.

The problem probably sounds incredibly selfish. Over the past couple of weeks I have started to feel even more close to her than I did before. We have spent a lot of time talking, very honestly, about things that affect both of our lives (we have had plenty of time). Tonight is the first night that I haven't spent looking after her and I now feel useless and a bit lost. I have devoted so much of my time to getting her through this that the thought of her not needing me anymore really upsets me. I know that this is rather a strange question and I have no right to feel like this but any suggestions as to how I can get through this- once life gets back to normal for us both I am really going to miss her (we do speak virtually daily anyway but as I work 80 miles away I don't usually see her during the week).

Sorry for the long ramble, thanks for listening x

Answer 1

no problem for the ramble, thats whats yahoo answers is for, okay here we go

when you focus you energy and attention or someone or something it begins to takeover your life, and once that object of attention is taken away you dont have anywhere to point the attention to, its the same with people who work hard all the time for years, when they stop they reach anxiety, lonliness and abandoment, take up a hobby and gradually do it less and less, this will ease your mind into being calm and not always concentrating of helping someone, keep in contact with your cousin but focus on more things personal to you. this should calm the feelings that you are having down and you will be feeling your old self in no time

hope this helps

Answer 2

Of course, your helpful feelings towards your cousin are very positive! However, there is a term for taking "too much care" for someone else. And it's a very fine line between a good caring attitude and being "too caring".

Nicky, believe it or not, there is a term for this. It's called being co-dependent. What it means is (in brief) we often get "addicted" to taking care of people. Sounds weird, I know. But it's true.

Here's the Wiki definition:

"Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her."

It will hurt to change, but, in the interest of taking care of yourself, you may wish to look into the book "Co-Dependent No More".

Please, please read the book before you make a blanket decision about what to do --- okay?

Answer 3

Dont worry, it must be hard because when u was looking out for her it gave u a duty which made u feel in control. Now u no longer have that control u feel like u want to be there for her all the time.

Just take a step back and think about how she felt when she was ill, and how much respect she will have for u now.

Its not selfish, its just a way of life.

Get your head down with work and be glad that she is now ok. it could have been alot worse but luckily she had people like you there for her.

Praise yourself for ur duties, because now u can live with the fact that u was the one to get her through this tough time, and not only has it left u with your own time, but a closer friend and family member.

she wont want to let u go now, as u dont her. stick together as best mates and u wont go far wrong :)

x

Answer 4

thats bad...u spent so much time together...being apart is lyk a fate worse than death...well my friend..u hav to get over it...move on with your life...spend time with other people...nd trust me...time will heal all wounds...both physical and mental

Answer 5

sorry to say this but seems you have to much time on your hands, just be glad you got your friend feeling better, have you concidered helping on a volenetry basis people who need someone to talk to etc,also be happy when you do see your friend, good luck

Answer 6

It is normal to feel useless and lost when you have been a caregiver and all of a sudden you are not using all your time to care for that other person.  Do some stuff for yourself - go shopping, get your hair cut, clean your house.  Things will get back to normal and you will feel like yourself again.  Be sure to call her frequently.   Do stuff you used to do before this happened.  Call up some old friends.  Take someone out to dinner.  Rent a movie.  What you are feeling is normal.  It will go away.  

Answer 7

um... wow at this point i can't believe i actually finished reading that but um... anyway u guys should had this planner sort of thing and plan a get together like every week- and tell each other about your week and what u did.... really hope this helps =)