How does this make you feel?

Question

how does this poem make you feel??

don't be cruel please, im only 14 and i know that its probably quit childish but im trying to improve

cast adrift on an ocean of thought

drifting upon the slgihtest glance

of your face

our past romance

an eternity of lonely hearts

an empty love

tore us apart

yearning to feel your love again

nothing can drown the endless pain

for without you by my side

i feel a pain a cannot hide

i long to feel your touch again

i long to here you call my name

i need you with me, i need you now

i need you back, i dont care how

this love i feel is not pretend

my feelings for you will never end

so no matter how you treat me

your defiant ways will never beat me

Answer 1

I hear all the things you are feeling, but I do not feel them.

Try and describe the pain, the touch, the love, the emptiness, etc.

Maybe pain is a certain color or emptiness is an abandoned train......

Describe it for us, make us live it and FEEL it.

Keep writing, everyday!

Answer 2

It made me feel ohhhhwe, gohhhhhwe, pretty good for a 14 year old, but is this from your heart, did you have a bad relationship and it broke off, or are you a dreamer, some parts are very deep for your age and don't feel that way as you grow older your idea of romance will change and don't forget there are many fish in the ocean. I liked your poem.

Answer 3

I like the way you start the poem as though your out on a lonely ocean, oceans can often be lonely with very little life. I really liked your poem, I could relate to the message you where portraying and it made me feel sad because your poem is almost saying that love has been torn apart by the views of others and what people think. Its like if you could go into a world with no other beings to affect you love would kindle because you love that person not because of appearence etc.

Keep writing, you have a gift that only you can let people hear :)

Answer 4

For a 14 year old the poem and words used are good. You will get better in time and with practice. Keep writting!!!!

Answer 5

I have to agree with Buk. It's a good poem that can be even better. Keep writing, you have a lot of potential!!!

Answer 6

Um.. I might feel like having an unpublished phone number.  lol. Just kidding. ........................

I feel like... I'm really glad that I don't have to go through that pain anymore.

Answer 7

From a poetry standpoint, it's really not bad.  Very good for your age, in fact.  I think you have some talent.  But that last stanza....  Well, that's pretty bad.  Wrecks the whole thing.

The message is pretty sad, though.  It's not healthy to be so desperate that you 'need him back and don't care how'.

Really, at 14, you should be enjoying childhood, not trying to be a small adult.  It's not healthy.

But then, most of our society is not healthy these days.