How to help my daughter?

Question

I need opinions (good ones.. not smart aleck ones please). I have a daughter in States Custody. She is 18 and they won't realease her from their custody because she is still in high school (senior this yr). She has shown a lot of maturity and responsiblilty all her life.

Until now. The day after she turned 18 (being under the impression by court papers and her worker that she would either be released from their custody or put into an Independent Living Program) she found out that neither one was going to happen. So she ran away to her boyfriends house a mile down the road.

Now she is labeled a Behavior Child and is in a Behavior Modified Foster home. Of course she and I are neither one happy about it.

The question I have is this: She has a lot of attitude issues now that I can't seem to get through to her just don't help get her out of the situation she is in.

She just blows off whatever I suggest. I have told her to bite her tongue if she can't talk to people as an adult, to stop breaking rules that are set forth by the foster parents, to stop threatening to beat up the Social Worker, etc.

She has not had these issues before. Just since they won't let her out of their grips.

I don't know what else to say to her or do for her if she is not going to show the State that she can conduct herself as an adult.

Any suggestions? Anyone going through (or know someone that is in the same boat) something similar?

Help I feel like I am sinking with her.

Answer 1

I think that now, now she needs a friend. She knows that once she throws her hissy fits and threatining to beat up the social worker, she knows that all they can do (Foster parents, Social Worker, and the court) all they can do is just move her from home to home. She has a lot of attitude because she is pissed off because she cant come home, or be where she wants to be.

Answer 2

When I was thirteen about five or six years ago, I was having similar attitude problems...the reason why? I didn't feel loved or wanted, but when my father realized this, he started to show more love to me and now I know that he really does love me and wants me around.

Answer 3

It sound to me like there really is not much you can do about it. You have already told her what you think and it's not making much difference. She is (in reality) old enough to make her own decisions and will eventually realise that the way she is going about things the wrong way.

The only help you can give her is a sympathetic, caring ear and shoulder to cry on when she needs one. Try not to tell her what to do as this will only end up causing a rift between the two of you and then who will she turn to?

This is an awful situation that you are in and I really hope that my opinion helps. Your daughter sound as if she is stuck between a rock and a hard place and I think what she needs right now is a good friend. What better friend could she possibly have than her own mother?

Answer 4

ok well you may not do this or you may but any way I'm 17 and on the other end. but I'm back home know. any Way i did not listen to my mom or any of the people i had to stay with, and from what ive ben through i think the best thing you can do is make shir she knows you love her and that every thing will get better.