How to rekindle a relationship?

Question

been married for 20 years,haven't kissed or touched my wife in 7 years .suffer from ptsd and a number of problems health wise from vietnam.but my wife does not understand.she works and I stay at home alone.

Answer 1

Sounds like there is a lot of damage and hurt in your relationship. To really change it both of you need to want to try, but sometimes when one person makes drastic changes it is a pleasant surprise to the other partner and they begin to change too. You say your PTSD was from Vietnam. That was a long time ago and although I am not minimizing your experience its very sad that you haven't done something to come to terms with that in all this time. I'm not so sure that PTSD was such a common word back then. Have you tried counseling for PTSD, individual relationship counseling and/or couples counseling? Has your wife had any counseling on PTSD? Have you seen a medical dr for possible depression? Some of those medications help but others can put you in a real funk. Your wife is probably very tired, emotionally and physically from carrying all this weight. I would suggest the first thing you do is ask your wife to sit down with you to talk. Take her hand, look her in the eyes and tell her from you heart how you feel. No blaming. You might try something like this, "Honey, over the past few years we have drifted farther and farther apart until we got so far, it seems like we can't find each other any more. I married you 20 years ago because you were the love of my life. I adored you. Unfortunately something horrible came in between us (vietnam) and I came back a different person. But one thing I know is that I never stopped loving you. " From there you can express how you want things to change and offer some possible solutions. Make sure youre doing things at home to make it easier for her since she is out working. Find a hobby that maybe you can share with her. Touch each other...kiss hello and goodbye to start. Plan some date nights so you two can get to know each other again.  Learn to talk to each other and LISTEN.  Look into counseling. You can not jump into the physical stuff until the emotional doors are reopened. But once the walls come down that should come naturally. There is nothing sadder than the thousands of marriages that started with so much anticipation of joy to end up slowly dying because they were never nourished. Good luck.

Answer 2

google relationship tips and get it going again.

googel coping with ptsd

Answer 3

It will be impossible if your wife is unwilling to understand.

That is important in a relationship.

I suggest you try one more time and be clear about

what you want to talk about and express your need

to discuss your medical condition.

The other alternative is to live alone and meet someone

else.  You've come a long way in this relationship,

but if it fails now, it will be the beginning of a new

single life...which is different and more fun than

living with a wife that is not interested in wanting a

better relationship with you.  Good Luck.

Answer 4

Start telling her every day that you love her and then kiss her. Get out of the house and do something physical.

Answer 5

it is a major problem when u have a partner who does not understand you ... let alone understand PTSD and other health problems ...

i would suggest you try to go to a session in which u can educate her on the issues associated with PTSD ... or just try to spend a romantic weekend together ...

over time, problems tend to decline the intimacy of a relationship.. but all u can do is keep trying and try to make it what she may find romantic (i.e. bubble bath? dinner?)

gluck