How upset would you be if. . .?

Question

you were asked to be in a wedding party, and then "fired"? Let me know from the "supposed to be bridesmaid" perspective.

When my fiance and I first got engaged I was super excited and spent a few months going through plans for some big elaborate by-the-book silly wedding, and asked a few friends to be bridesmaids. Almost a year has gone by, and we both have realized that we want our wedding to be small intimate, and represent what a marriage should be, we don't just want it to be an elaborate meaningless day. Since we're going pretty small and simple with everything, now I really don't want a wedding party at all, just a few friends to sing and maybe someone for a reading. No bridesmaids. And our parents will sign as witnesses.

How pissed would you be if you thought you were going to be in a wedding party and then were told there will be no wedding party? Would you be understanding of our desire for simplicity?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I have been in many wedding parties and to be honest, I don't prefer it.  At first, I was excited and wanted to be involved in my friends/family special day -BUT now I just want to enjoy it. When you are a bridesmaid, you are up so early and running around all day that by the end of it - you are exhausted!  

If you were going to keep a few and "fire" a few - that would be bad!  But, if you are getting rid of the entire "party" I don't think anyone would be hurt.

It's your day, do what you want!  If they care about you - they won't be upset.

Answer 2

if i was really your true friend, then i would be happy with your descision. besides, its not like your replaceing them.

Answer 3

hm...

Answer 4

I would NOT be upset at all.  As a matter of fact, I would be very happy for you (and me!!!) lol

Why me?  Because I can save money on a dress, bra, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bachelorette party!!  

Really, though, I think everyone should understand and just be happy for you.  I would not be mad or feel slighted in the least.

Good for you for realizing what is important!!  I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and a happy marriage.

Answer 5

Coming from a maid-of-honor (there are 3 of us, imagine the over-the-topness of this wedding).  I care, but I'm only human.  Anyway, maybe you could try having your fiance and you get the parties-to-be and explain the situation--letting them know that you want them to be a part of your special day, but things have changed, and the wedding has taken a new slant.  There always seems to be that one in the group that would be cool no matter what--maybe talk to that person first.  I'd appreciate the honesty, plus noone is being picked over the other.  Maybe you could find them different roles to suit your new type of wedding...honoring them at the reception, participating in the reception dinner?

If they have gotten their bridesmaid's dresses (or tuxes) already--it may be nice to reimburse for the expense.  Honestly, I think the party will be okay with the situation (I would be!) as long as you are both upfront and honest with the reasons why.

Answer 6

If you explained it to me the way you did in your question, I would be totally cool about it. But I am an understanding person. I am sure there are people out there that would make a big deal out of it. But you are not doing anything wrong at all. A good friend would understand. Don't sweat it :)

Answer 7

If explained properly, I would totally understand.  Would be very happy if asked to do a reading or sing....something to single me out.  Why, so that people understand that I am a 'special' friend when I throw you a bridal shower anyways!

Answer 8

I would be proud of you and relieved for making such a wise decision !  Maybe at the same time you tell them that they're not going to be BMs, you could also tell them a possibility of what you would like them to do, such as a reading or a song or serving cake.

Answer 9

I would be a little disappointed but would more than understanding. Its not like I was being replaced for someone else.

How many people did you have. Maybe you could still include them all if that is possiable - so they know they are still important to you.

I'm sure they all under - its your day. Do whats right for your husband and you.

All the best!

Answer 10

Since you will be having no bridal party at all I think that's perfectly fine and the would-be bridesmaids should understand.

Answer 11

i would be bummed out. but then i try to out myself in their shoes. and it makes me more understanding

Answer 12

I certainly understand your dilemma. I think it is the most pure reason for "dismissing" someone as your bridesmaid(s).

I think (would hope) that you friend will be understanding, and realize the true meaning of the day when it is all said and done. One way she could look at it is...there is no expense now for the dress and all that is attached with being a bridesmaid. It is not clear whether she will still on your guest list...in which case I would invite her and the others.

I will be in a wedding this October, if they told me (prior to paying for my bridesmaid dress) they chose to have a simple ceremony...I would gladly "stepdown" and be happy for them. IF I had already purchased the dress...I would be PISSED but still understand. Even pissed I don't see it ruining any friendships that I have,

In the end...it is your and your future husband's day...and it should be in the style and in the vision you see.

Congratulations and Good Luck...and kudos to you two for not "buying" into the big bash. I did...I don't regret it...but when it is all over...you can see the absurdity and the excess. And all that really matters is the love you share with your husband and family.

Answer 13

I think most people would understand that you decided to have a different type of wedding.  Hopefully, you haven't already made them pay for a dress; if you have, you should offer to reimburse them of course.  Maybe you could ask them to do a reading or participate in some other way; there are so many ways to include people in your wedding.

As a side note, I don't think that having bridesmaids means you have to have an elaborate wedding -- several smaller weddings I've been to have them.  Just more low key, like maybe they were just wearing the same color rather than the same dress from a horrifically expensive bridal designer.

Whatever you decide, your good friends will support you, I'm sure.  Good luck!

Answer 14

As long as I hadn't paid for the dress yet, I would be fine with it. I mean, it's not like you are "firing" only one person, you have just changed your mind about the whole wedding party thing. I think it's okay. Just explain to them, that you would rather have it small, so you are having no wedding party

Answer 15

If I am a good friend or if I am just an extraneous one it would be fine by me.  It's your day and you should be true to yourself and your wants and desires.  And anyways, don't lose sight...you are getting married and it's all about the relationship between you and your new husband to be!  The rest of it really doesn't matter.

Answer 16

Me.....If I was any kind of friend (which I would have to be if I was the bridesmaid), I would understand and if not I'm not really a friend. I would just be happy by being there.

Answer 17

It depends on whether I'd already bought my dress or not, really. I bought my MOH dress for my friend's wedding, and it cost a bit. I'd just lost my job and really couldn't afford it. Then three days later she told me that they were postponing the wedding until they sold their house! She known this for two months, but didn't tell me. Now the wedding's back on, so I'm not freaking as much, but I was devastated at the time.

Answer 18

if i was a bridesmaid and you told me that i would be happy for you if they are not its not worth them being friends.

Answer 19

In the end, it's your day and you should make the choices that feel right to you. Hopefully, the girls haven't bought dresses yet - because then they could be annoyed.  However, these people (maids) who are among your closest friends/relatives should respect your wishes.

Answer 20

As long as I didn't already buy anything(you didn't mention if they had or not), I wouldn't mind at all!  I think having your parents sign as witnesses is a very sweet idea!!  Just get them all together and explain it to them like you did to us.  As others have said, if they are true friends, they will understand and support your decision.

Answer 21

I would be understanding and it's your guys day, so don't worry about what others will think. I definitely wouldn't be mad about it at all. It's one of the most special days of your life, so i'd understand your wishes =)

Answer 22

If I was really a true friend, I would completely understand, and be happy about your decision.  Frankly, I might be kinda relieved - no cost of dresses and all that jazz!

Answer 23

theya rent fired, they are just getting new jobs!  As logn as each person you asked has something it would be ok.  and as long as no one bought anything yet too!

Answer 24

yes....I would understand...and would not hold anything against you two.....but only after you would tell me about the

"change of plans and ideas about such wedding thing"....but if you just tell me..that I am no longer needed...with out info ..or reason for that ...I would hold it against you..and your fiance/husband....and in any future dealings / favors that you need from me...I probablly say "NO"....and would not want to

deal with you two.

Answer 25

Its been a year and time has gone by.

After all, it is your day and you get to decide what you would like to do.

Answer 26

If it was for the reason you said I would be totally fine with it as long as I hadn't bought the dress or couldn't return it, that would be annoying.  Other than that, no problem.  It's nothing they did and you aren't being malicious or replacing them.