How would you have handled this?

Question

My daughter who is third grade recently came home with a note from the "class room mom" saying that she was hosting a baby shower (at school) for my daughter's teacher. In this letter is stated that my daughter was to bring an unwrapped gift or a cash donation. The reason behind this was that she wanted to wrap the gifts more "artistically" than the regular gift wrapping most of us can do, that she wanted no gifts in a "gift bag" (to tacky for her) and that she actually prefered that we send a cash donation (min. $25.00) to her, so she could buy "appropriate" baby gifts. This was stated in the letter. I felt that this was way out of line, since some parents are struggling as it is, and a child (parent) should not be forced into making a donation or giving a gift unless it is of their own choosing. This woman demands that you do things her way or else and thinks nothing of belittling your child (out of earshot of the teacher) about the fact that the gift or donation was not enough.

Answer 1

I think that you should arrange a meeting with your daughter's teacher- she can play a huge role in this if you let her.

Also, don't give that lady any money?  Let me assume that there are about 15 kids in your daughter's class.  WHY does she need $375????  Is she buying a pony?

Answer 2

i assume you live in America but i dont so i dont know how old your daughter would be in third grade but there is no way i would put up with this nobody can demand gifts or donations i wonder if the class teacher and the school head are aware of this why dont you ask other parents if they agree with this and take it from there.i really dont agree with this and you shouldnt either.

Answer 3

First I would call some of the other moms and see if they felt the same way and then I would get with all of them and go to the teacher and explain the situation.  what she is doing isn't just s****. it is verbally abusive to your children as well as emotionally.  No child should be talked down to because of what they do or their parents can afford.  If all the parents ban together and forget the baby shower then you have her attention and sorry but $25 for a baby shower gift for your childs teacher is too much, my daughters teacher had a baby and the class all took up money and bought a pack of recieving blankets and some diapers. each kid chipped in a buck or two.

I am my daughter and sons class mom and when we have our class parties I send a note home and ask for a dollar from each student to go toward the cost of the snacks, if they bring it fine and if they dont fine the child still benefits from the party and nothing is mentioned about it.  This womans focus should be on her child getting an education and making friends that will last a lifetime and not on who can do what or you is a worse parent.  Go to the teacher and if that doesn't work call the principle or superintendant in.

Answer 4

I don't know how to be nice to people like this.  Sorry.  I would be of no help!

The best I could do is to tell someone above her about the situation.

Now.. what I'd do is NOT participate in the baby shower.

I'd write "I wish not to participate, but thanks for asking" on her little note & hand it to her personally.  THIS "baby shower" has NOTHING to do with your child so I'd leave the kid out of it.  (and I'd continue with my original plan in buying a gift and giving it to her any day before the actual shower is to take place.)

I would also pull her aside & tell her that you appreciate her "invitation" (in a very sarcastic tone) but I'd appreciate it even more if she didn't put personal invitations in my daughters bag that have nothing to do with her studies, afterall THAT is the reason she's in school.

Then I would walk away before she had a chance to reply.

I would continue to smile & keep my cool but pull my point across.

Then I would go to the principal & ask them to review their rules & guidlines & report the insident & ask them to kindly speak to their staff.

I bet my daughters school isn't ready for me.. she'll start school next year.. and if ANYONE is as rude as this lady was to you and your child.... they'll regret it.  

Sincerely,

Apaled in TX

Answer 5

i would keep my child at home on the day of the party, thus avoiding having to give anything

Answer 6

In my opinion I think thats a little weird that there having a baby shower and expecting a third graders to bring in a baby shower gift especially 25 bucks, thats horrible. I can see them having a baby shower with other teachers and staff but with the kids thats a little weird and I wouldnt be buying no 25 dollar gift nor bringing in the money. Just wouldnt happen.

Answer 7

I think that maybe the teacher and/or the principal should be made aware of this woman. She seems way out of hand. I have to deal with people like that at work but if one of my boys ever came home and told me about someone like that...I would definately take action on it.

Answer 8

I would tell the woman to put her demands where the sun doesn't shine that is IF she can pull her head out of that place long enough to do so.

Answer 9

Wow, I'm not sure she understands the meaning of tacky!  I agree with everything you said.  I know you're torn between keeping this woman's nastiness away from your daughter by sending in the money and telling her exactly what you think.  I would say, call the mom, tell her you'll be happy to provide a gift for the shower, but it will be brought in on the day of the shower.  I would think the teacher would be upset by this woman's attitude and I'm sure she's not expecting gifts from the kids in the first place.  Stay strong and don't get railroaded by bully parents.  Good luck!

Edit:  Listen, if this woman had questioned my parenting skills to my child...the gloves would be off!  The one thing I've found is that the older I get, the less I care about what others think of me.  I wouldn't even make an attempt at being nice to her about any of it.  I would state my stance on the whole thing in an adult manner and if she didn't like it, it would be her problem.  Not mine, not my childs.  Again, I wish you the best and hope things get sorted out.  You will always have that one busybody mom who thinks that it makes her look good to control every situation.  It doesn't, but you'll never convince her of that.

Answer 10

I don't think it would be out of line for you to seek help from another teacher or principle. I am sure many of the other parents feel the same way you do and your daughters teacher would probably be embarrassed by this letter (at least I would hope she would). Let them know you don't object to the shower or the gift but you object to the way she wants them. Third graders would be proud of a gift they picked and wrap themselves and the teacher I'm sure would make a big deal out of anything her kids gave her. A trip to the dollar store would be more appropriate and appreciated as much. Stand your ground and speak out against this s****. class room mom. Make her write a new letter stating if anyone would like to send in a wrapped gift they will be hosting a surprise shower for the teacher. Make sure she states that anything would be appreciated since babies need many items (spoons, wash clothes, rattles, bottles, wipes, all can be found in the dollar store). I'm sure her family and friends will be giving her an adult shower and maybe the room mom can ruin that one instead. Good Luck!!! I'm angry for you!!!!

Answer 11

You honestly still want to be nice to this woman? I would have told her off long ago. As far as the shower, I would contact the principal, this woman can not solicit gifts or cash from any student or parent. It would be different if she said she was having a shower and there was a $20 limit on the gifts the kids could bring. But to say that you all should give her $25 to buy gifts she wants? No way. How do you know she isn't just gonna take the money and run? Or buy the teacher some awesome gifts and say they are all from her? I would take that letter into the principal and explain everything you have told us. This woman is obviously unfit to be a room mom and she has probably violated a bunch of school rules. I would not even talk to her or deal with her again. You should also talk to some other moms and see how they feel about this. Im sure they all feel like you do and would be glad to go with you to the school to protest this abomination.

Answer 12

Paint this is a form of social extortion on the class room moms part,, I would address this with administration of the

school.. I would have no problem with lighting this up,

When the child who can not afford the 25 dollar gift shows

up with something less or nothing at all.. This destroy's this

child. For it will be known by the class. This is not what

education is about, Unless your teaching life lessons on

what not to do to children while there in a learning process.

This is something that needs to be addressed at the

Principles level or higher,, This woman needs to be removed

from an active role with working with these kids,, and any

and all monies collected returned .

Answer 13

take your child out of there because she is a bad example.  just think about this: your child is around her everyday and she will later then start to develop the same attitude that her teacher has which is very bad.  think about your child's future and forget about the shower incident.

Answer 14

Oh my gosh! I would be so upset at such a thing. I would definitely not buy anything or send any money? How can she expect everyone to do that? I have never heard of such a thing. I think you should go talk to the Principal or someone who is over her and report this. Show them the note she sent home and ask why this is happening? It's so ridiculous to expect that. It should be an option whether you want to send a gift or donation.

Answer 15

well if i got a letter from school I would talk to the principal and see what there policies are about this and only give if you want to that is not right

Answer 16

This woman is way out of line. Yes, it's nice to give presents to teachers and such but it isn't right to /demand/ it. If i were you, I would talk to this woman about it and explain that you may not be able to do that. If that doesn't work and she does belittle your daughter (make sure your daughter tells you) then i would report her. This is practically harrassment and it isn't allowed. And besides, from experience I have found that people, including teachers, love something from people that has real meaning, not neccessarily something that is store bought.

I hope this helps you and goodluck with everything!

Answer 17

This is inappropriate. You need to talk with the principal and take the letter with you. Third graders do not need to be involved in a baby shower for the teacher. My son'd third grade teacher was expecting the year he was in her class and we were never approached in any way about a shower or gifts or specifics as to cash contributions. I would be very uncomfortable with this woman being able to interact with my son on a daily basis. We did have a teacher in the same vein..she called my son stupid right in front of him. I removed him from that school, but it took some wonderful teaching to get him past the complex this one woman started in him. Our children are way too precious and irreplaceable to allow them to be exposed to someone like this without extreme good reason. And as a "class room mom", she is expendable.

Answer 18

I told my daughters class mother who wanted a cash donation for a holiday gift for the teacher that we (our family) shops for our own gift for the teacher and that's what we have always done.  End of story.

Asking for $25 is way out of line.  Just tell her that you will shop for a gift on your own if you choose to do so.  She can't demand anything...she has no power over you.  

I would discuss this issue with the teacher though and maybe even the principal to have this stopped.

Answer 19

to put her in her place "nicely" is to take away her control and behave like a reasonable adult.  if you don't wish to participate in following her list of demands, don't.  choose a suitable gift, wrap it yourself (or have your child do so), and present it directly to the recipient.  there isn't much she can say/do to you without coming off like a petty, contrived, control freak.  lastly, don't let her get to you.  she's usurping your power!

Answer 20

I would go over the s****. b***** head and i would have a seriuos talk with the principle of the scholl and fill him/her on whats going on with the "helper" mom, not only about the baby shower but also about this lady belittling the kids. I personally would talk with other parents in my childs class and then who ever wanted to join me would go have a talk with her and i would let it be known that if she ever belittles my child or says one bad thing about his/her parents that i would bring up harrassment charges and slander furthermore if she did not knock it off belittling the children, it was going to be brought before the school board and then a restraining order on your daughters behalf would filed (no more classroom mom) as far the baby shower idea of hers goes send out your note and find out which parents would be willing to help plan and override and decisions she makes

Answer 21

Wow in what state do you live in? If i understood your ? right, you said babyshower in school, and must bring a gift thats ridiculous!!!!! There is no being nice either talk to the teacher about this "classroom mom" or the principal! But stand up for what is right! Your daughter has to love going to school. Or you could just wait for her in parking lot and wham! then take the 25 bucks back.

Answer 22

A baby shower at SCHOOL is inappropriate to say the least. I would send the letter to the administration and file a complaint. More soo if she is s****.. It not the parents responsibility for any of that!

Answer 23

This woman is way out of line. I can undertand wanting to give the teacher a shower and telling the kids they can bring gifts but the point is for the kids to pick something they can afford and that comes from their heart. If she is so picky on what she wants the teacher to have she can pay for it all. It is not her shower after all. The teacher would be much happier getting gifts that the children picked out. I can not believe any one would be so full of themself that they think they have the right to all of these demands. When you add in that she makes nasty comments to the kids about their families that is outragous. She has no business helping at a school if she behaves that way. That will definately teach kids how to be mean and bully other kids around. Kids have a hard enough time at school without having someone they are supposed to look up to and respect telling them that their families are not good enough.

The problem is how to confront the issue. I do not think you should go to this woman with your complaints. She obviously thinks she is always right so you would be wasting your time. It goes along with the saying, "Never argue with an idiot, it is hard for others to tell which one is the idiot". I also would not go to the teacher she will be embarressed because the party is for her and she will not know how to deal with it. I would go to the principal. The principal can look at it from the outside and the woman will have to listen and not just ignore what the principal says.