I'm scared for my friend?

Question

My best friend's boyfriend almost hit her a couple of times recently. He's grabbed her by the wrists and she now has bruises there. Her other friends know about it too, but they won't do anything about it. My friend tries to justify it by saying that he feels really bad about the bruises and, after all, he didn't actually hit her. Although, I really don't see how that sort of behavior can be accepted. She seems perfectly fine otherwise, and she really likes this guy...But I'm really scared that things will get worse for her. The way I see it, if a man has an instinct to hit a woman, that instinct doesn't ever go away precisely because it is an instinct. I'm really worried about my best friend, but I don't want to injure our friendship by taking some sort of action...Especially if things really aren't that bad and she really likes this guy. I don't know what to do...Help?

Answer 1

have her dump him or call the police!!!

Answer 2

my thoughts: she needs to dump this guy.  It doesn't matter that she may really like him.  It would be a painful breakup but there is no excuse for abuse

Answer 3

Do your friend a favor and help her. Things are bad. There are all kind of abusive situations. Emotional pain and abuse is just as painful as physical. You can not divorce the two. If he can get away with bruises, what would be next? Will it be OK for him to chock her and leave Bruises? Is it OK for him to abuse her in any manner? NO, a thousand times NO. I was a drug counselor and there is not too much difference in psychological, emotional and physical abuse. Abuse is what it is. Report the SO. You fill in the last letter. That is all he is. Will he do that to a male friend that ticked him off, NO. He is not man enough. Save her from herself. He had to learn to Mistreat her from someone. Tell her to check out the family. Believe me, the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

Answer 4

I would go nose to nose with this guy. It happened to my friend before, but her guy was hitting her. I picked up a lamp and told him if he ever touched her again I'd hit him w/it. We are all friends still and they are still together. She says he hasn't hit her since that day, but others have told me they've seen him slap her. Really in the end it is her choice. All you can do is be her friend and always make sure she has a way out.

Answer 5

Your right,she needs help women usually are so in love with the person who buses them when that person abuses her she thinks it normal and then it will become normal it will turn from i will never do it again to her everyday couple meeting tell someone who will care like a counselor the beatings WILL get worse so stop it now!

Answer 6

Would you rather have a dead friend or a friend you can help get out of what will definitely be an abusive relationship? She only likes this guy at the moment. If she falls in love with him there's no turning back for her....well it'll be close to impossible by that time.

Take pics of her bruises, and show them to her. Go to an abuse web site and print out different stages of women who've been abused....especially the ones that lead up to their deaths. Call the abuse hot line and get suggestions of how you can help your friend, hopefully soon she'll be ready to accept that she's being abused and you can take her there, and she'll leave this idiot.

She's already in the first stages of denial by "justifying" why it's fine for him to act the way he does, or accepting his "feeling bad" excuses. If you're friends with her other friends you need to talk to them.....if she hears the same thing from all of you it has a better chance of sinking in for her to know he's treating her wrong. Ask them if they would stand by and let him beat the s*** outta her without doing anything? If they all say no then ask them why are they willing to let it get to that point............my sister was like that. It took some really TOUGH LOVE for her to get outta that environment....but at least I still have my older sister now. Do all you can even at the risk of "injuring" your friendship~

Answer 7

If this has happened once - then it might indeed be a mistake.

If this has happened more than once - then there is a reason for concern.

And i`m not sure if it is an instinct, or an urge (to control, to rule). An urge can be changed, controlled.

If you are really good friends, go out some time and have a good and relaxed time. Then, find a time where you are in a quiet spot.

Explain your fears, and be clear as to WHY you think this.

(If a guy has the urge to get physically violent, he will be ' sorry ' after, but the remorse is usually short-lived)

If he is serious about her, and does not want to hurt her, he will find some help (anger management ?) from a professional.

Worst case - she doesn`t want to listen?

Go talk with your doctor, explain what is going on,and what you see, and ask his help.