I NEED monologue!?

Question

Can anyone please suggest a funny/comedic monologue for me to do tomorrow? I need it to audition for drama club, I'd prefer it be funny, and appropriate for school. If it helps I'm thirteen. Please, no websites unless extremely easy to navigate, preferably the actual monologue. Thanks.

Answer 1

You can find a monolouge fit for you at stageagent.com.It asks you what you're looking for and gives you answers.Those,though,are more specifially from musical theater shows and plays.

Another place to get monolouges is whysanity.net under the monologue section and there they have them from movies and other sources. I'm not sure.

Answer 2

Here's a humorous monologue:

POWERFUL

Free Monologues

(For The Serious Young Actor)

"Confused Teen" (Teen Monologue, Female) *Humorous*

Both Angie and Harmony are in their early teens. Angie's going through some physical changes, inside and out, and like any other good teenager, can't associate these changes with life's little obstacles.

Angie: What's going on Harmony? I don't get it, why is it when you become a teenager everything gets so confusing? I mean, what are they doing, spiking the make-up? Is there some unwritten law that when you become a teenager you move into the realm of insanity? If I remember correctly, that's about the time everything started getting nutty. Think about it...I'm supposed to wash my face BEFORE I exercise to prevent build-up. No, I'm supposed to wash my face AFTER I exercise to prevent break-outs. I'm NOT SUPPOSED to eat chocolate because it causes pimples. Wait, I'm SUPPOSED to eat chocolate before I take a test, because it's great, "brain food." I'm SUPPOSED to have lots of foods hat are rich in iron to help my circulation. Hold on, now, I'm NOT SUPPOSED to have a lot of iron because it prevents my body from absorbing calcium properly. Wow, if I can survive being a confused teenager, I think I can pretty much survive anything! (Change of heart) Let's get out of here, I'm hungry!

And here's a dramatic one:

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Free Monologues

(For The Serious Young Actor)

"The Divorce" (Teen Monologue, Female)*Dramatic*

Jamie's parents are getting separated. It doesn't quite sink in at first, she's sort of in shock. She truly believes that her influence can change the situation. Once that fails she moves from one desperate attempt to the next trying to get her parents back together again, with her confidence and feelings losing footing each step of the way. When she finally see's that the situation is hopeless, her emotions spiral down to the point of sobbing and begging.

Jamie: (sits in disbelief after hearing the news her parents divorce) What? (pause) What do you mean you're getting a divorce? No, (pause) no this can't be happening to me. (shaking her head.) Can't the two of you work things out? I mean how bad could it possibly be? (beat) (truning to her mother ) It's you right? it's your fault it always is. You're always riding Daddy, nagging him. I hear you. Maybe if you weren't such a nag then he wouldn't be leaving. (beat) Why shouldn't I, Daddy? She should know the truth. If she weren't always on your case then we wouldn't be having this conversation! (beat) I can't believe you're doing this to me! (jumps out of chair in anger) Do you know how embarrassing this is going to be for me at school? Everyone thinks we're happy. I'm always telling people how in love you two are and how I want to have that same kinda love. (pause) What am I going to do? I mean really? I'm going to have to change schools. All of my friends' parents are still married you know. (pauses as the enevitable sets in and begins to sob) Please tell me what's going on, Daddy. Tell me why you're leaving. Tell me what's wrong. (The father attempts to hug Jamie but she pulls away) No--no don't touch me. Don't touch me! How could you do this to me? Huh? How could you? I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to be comforted, Dad. Wait! (openly crying now and begging) Please don't go, Daddy. I promise I'll do better. I'll go easy on the shopping. I won't bug you about the silly stuff. I'll do the chores without tripping out...I'll do anything. Mom, why is he leaving? (beat) No--no I don't want to hear that okay? There is no such thing as "making it work out for all of us" okay. There is no such thing. Stop trying to lie to me I'm not a child! This is the worse possible thing that could happen and I will never...NEVER forgive either one of you ever again! (storms out of the room).



And you'll be glad to know that none of these are from Shakespeare:)