I have a marriage problems?

Question

i have been married for 5 years now and out of that my husband has told me over and over again he was done with drinking and drugs, we have spent thousands on the suboxone program because he said he wanted to get off the drugs, he wanted a specific house and he said if he got it he would never drink again, only to drink everytime i walk out of the house, yesterday he said he wanted to see our grandson, he said how much he loved him and missed him only to take him out on the boat after drinking and when i said something about him doing that and flirting with the girl next door he got pissed off and threw our food on the floor, broke a lamp, told me he hated me and he wants to leave, told our grandson that he wanted him to go home because if he didn't he was going to ignore him by staying in the bedroom all day and believe me he did it too, all day yesterday and all day today, he wouldn't even get his grandson anything to drink after he asked him too.

he use to say he would stop drinking before i left him but no more, and when i say something about our s*x life he blames it on me, he said he woke up the other day and he was horney but instead of him doing anything he said he went into the bathroom and took care of himself. as long as i keep my mouth shut everything is ok, meaning he will work, be happy, do everything i guess he is supose to do, but i HATE DRINKING AND DRUGS.

so give me some advice please

Answer 1

Sounds like you are codependent.  People don't change.  Get yourself into AA and you will get some clarity.

Answer 2

You can not fix him, you will never be able to fix him....you can only fix you and change your life.

In my opinion marriage is forever....but when you live in a condition that is emotionally abusive, which yours is, it's time to leave.

Give him a deadline....tell him what his options are....and then after that either put him out or you leave.

Answer 3

Your Grandson should never be left alone with him.  That's ridiculous.  Maybe it's time to issue an ultimatum.  Shutting your mouth will only keep the peace for so long.  You should have a serious talk with him.  He backed out of his promises.  He needs to be held accountable for that.

Answer 4

often people that are on drugs, have difficult time quitting because they try quitting  for the wrong reasons. But if they only would do it for them selves , then the success ratio would be greater. You see, when I wanted to stop getting high, I thought about all the things that I screwed up. And how I wanted to make things right. For me , I asked everyone that I loved and hurt for their forgiveness, I asked GOD to forgive me, and I forgave myself. Because I knew that if I didn't forgive myself, then I would never let go of that monster.August 24,1994 was the last time I got high on any hard drugs, and September of 2005 was my last time I got drunk. Do I look back?Only when I want to encourage people not ot give up on wanting to stop drugging. To answer your question, only if it seems that he has given up on trying to stop do you separate from him. He has to see that you will leave him in order to give him that boost he needs to get started on wanting to stop You may have to let him hit bottom in order for him to understand how much he is hurting the relationship. good luk

Answer 5

He needs serious help to get off drugs/quit drinking.  You will have to give him an ultimatum, either he quits or you leave.  And if he doesn't stop then you must leave completely.  It won't work any other way, he's been doing it too long.  

Answer 6

d**n you got it worse than me.. Run run awaY  AS FAST AS YOU CAN !!!!!!! hes going to ruin whats left of your life, you have only one and thats hard enough without some crazy guys baggage...

Answer 7

I suggest contacting Al-Anon.  They are other people in the same situation as you, and can provide a lot of support, and a world of experience and advise for your situation.  I want you to know that I have compassion for you, that this is not your fault, and I hope one day you reach a point where you can either live with this (in a way it won't affect you so much, which is difficult) or leave this behind.  Good luck.

Answer 8

verry common in men with no self control,sometimes people say things out of anger am a man i know.but breakin the lamp n throwing food etc is unapceptable for a marriage of 5 yrs.a man wont change unless with comes to reality of himself n see whats at stake he aint going no where he knows you gotta put up with it that's why...trust me but i recommend communication,write down all the thingss you dont like that you would like to be change or improved if he does't want to comply that because the marriage has already falled cause marriage is about compromising by the way GET ON UR KNEES IN PRAY FOR GUIDANCE...BEST OF LUCK>>>GOD BLESS