I need help ...?

Question

I am currently an adoptive placement mom and it's only been 2 weeks .. but I got overly stressed from all the "new" people in our lives and stated that the 2 girls have stressed me out to a caseworker .. now there is an emergency meeting tomorrow ... do you think they will take the girls away? or put more people in my life? I really need advice ... (serious answers only please).

Answer 1

I really don't have any pearls of wisdom here for you.  I would think that by stating that the girls have stressed you out to a caseworker, they are doing the meeting to make sure that things are going to be ok.  I would not be overlly worried, but above all be honest.  If the stress of new parenthood is getting to you, admit it, state what is stressing you out and think about what your plan for support is.  

Anytime a child comes into a home, it is stressful.  Caseworkers know this.  They are trying to avoid a tragedy.  This doesn't necessarily mean that they will take the children nor that you are a bad person and not fit to be a mom.  You are going through adjustment.

I don't know who the "new" people you are talking about though . . . caseworkers?  children?  birth parents?

Best of luck!

Answer 2

Well, Just to let you know ALL moms get stressed out...most on a daily basis...Dont feel bad at all...what you are feeling is a normal reaction to mother hood. most of us had time to adjust to our kids tempers and personalities and you just took these kids in and had to get to know them right away which would be difficult for anyone....dont get down on yourself just for feeling stressed...the caseworker should understand that just explain to her what you meant..

Answer 3

The meeting will likely be to ensure you have the supports you need.  Parenting is stressful no word of a lie, and parenting an adopted child will have differences.  Also note that many adoptive as well as birth parents have a post partum kind of depression.  In both cases people are afraid to say how they feel, i mean in adoptive parents cases people are watching and watching and think you should have no negatyive feelings.  Feelings are normal so again I am thinking and hoping they are just meeting to ensure you have the supports you need.

Answer 4

So... having new children in your home shouldn't cause some stress in the first weeks?  News to me!  I'd be surprised if you said there was no stress at the changes in routine in your house!

I think your caseworker may have overreacted.  Change causes stress and there is some adjustment time needed (longer than two weeks).  Your caseworker probably interpreted that statement in the worst possible way.  At your meeting, it's okay to acknowledge that everyone in your home is still adjusting to all the changes, but you're taking it one day at a time.  

Good luck!

Answer 5

I don't know what they will do, but I think your best chances lie in being completely open and honest. All parents get 'stressed' at times. It is natural. If you can highlight to them that you are aware of the support networks around you and the family/friends that you have who will be helping you, i think that will help. We all need support. You are no different. Hopefully they are not reactionary and they are just wanting to see where you are at.

Answer 6

they will probally try to excess you and see if the stress you are experincing is going to effect the girls and they will see if its something you can handle. They are professionals and they dont want to have to relocate these girls if they dont have to. They will try to work with you not against you. Good luck!

Answer 7

my guess would be that your CW is used to this.  she's not likely shocked.

Answer 8

It's sad, but aparents are expected to be perfect, and if not then to lie about it. I suggest being honest about how you were feeling. It's important. But what's most important it how you handled it. What resources did you have available to you to help you through your situation.

I am all for honesty. I admit the most irrational thought in my head if it can even help 1 person, or help me understand why I feel what I feel. When my son was first born, he spent 2 weekd in the hospital. There were so many ups and downs. He was very sick and then better and then worse again. Also I had so many emotions related to knowing what him mother was giving up.  

You're not alone. I pray things can work out for the best what ever it may be.