I was adopted?

Question

Ok so i was adopted when i was 8 yrs old. I remember everything from my past and there was a good reason i was taken away! I still tried to find my birth parents and i found my birth mom but didnt contact her cuz i was scared. I found out that i had a sister so i contacted her and she told my birth mom...Now my birth mom just wants me to be her kid and forgive her for all the hurt. I cant find my birth dad but he was like my saviour. I dont know what to do or how to respond to my birth mom what do i do?

Answer 1

Forgive and Forget

be her child again. i suggest you talk to her through EMAILS then, through phone, then ask people about her, like what doctor she sees, what she does all day... you know stuff?

ANYWAYS-

so just contact her SaFeLy, like i said,

sTaRt By EmAiLiNg. ThEn PhOnE cAlLiNg ThEn GeT aLl ThE iNfOrMaTiOn OuT oF hEr FrIeNdS aNd StUfF tHeN eNd By MaKiNg ThE bIg ChOiCe, ChOoSe To Be HeR cHiLd AgAiN oR nOt.

start by emailing, then phonecalling, then gather information about her, then finsh it off by meeting her in real life, face to face... Then make the giant/big choice, tell her if you'll be her daughter again... ^_^... or not... T_T...

If you don't feel you want to talk to her, then dont. Maybe one day... you'll get the courage to talk to her.

Answer 2

You've got to sit down, and think about what you want from her exactly. And if you can just lay it out. I don't know what happened, but I do know that I don't forgive easily. Be upfront and honest, let her know your feelings and if that means pulling away, not being in touch with her, and wanting to find your father first, so be it. PUT YOU FIRST. KEEP YOU FIRST.

Answer 3

If you are not ready to talk to her then don't. If she has a hard time accepting that then too bad. It sounds like she feels she needs to be forgiven and wants to take over her role as mom. But that role was removed from her a long time ago. You can always be thankful for her because you are here in this world but you do not owe her anything. You have a right to live a happy healthy life. Do not feel bad for your decision. You are not ready to take her on just yet. Maybe you could write a letter if she won't leave you alone and say how you feel and that you are confused and thank her for your life but that you are not prepared to forgive just yet. Keep your space and if you don't want to do anything you don't have to. Please don't feel you should to make someone else happy.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you are going thru, same for me.  

Found my b-mom when I was 16, didn't initiate contact for 3 years.  But so glad I did!

You never know what will happen, but you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened.

Just begin a conversation.  You have a right to feel hurt and betrayed, don't let anyone say you don't.  But do give her a chance to explain.  Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your feelings.  If you are not ready to forgive, then don't.  But don't make a decision before you have all of the facts!

Answer 5

i dont think there is any reason to force a relationship with her if you are not comfortable with it. you can have one with your sister without her.

but do consider one thing, everyone grows. she is not the same person she was, obviously she realizes what she has done, because wants forgivness. but you are by no means obligated to 'forgive and forget' the pain she inflicted on you left its mark, i can understand if you can not forgive her.

just to let you know a little about my bmother. she was in a very bad place in her life when she had me. the alcohol, drugs and family sexual abuse. she was an absolute wreck. she was incapable of caring for herself, a child would have been devastated.

when i found her 8 years ago. she was a different person. no alcohol, drugs and she had moved on from the abuse she endured for years. a far cry from the lost teenage girl that gave birth to me. if i had not given her the chance i would have missed out on the best friend i could ever ask for.  the difference is that i had no past history of abuse or anything else. it was blank.

you need to sit down and do some soul searching. figure out what this will mean to your life and if you are prepared or even able to put it behind you. is bringing her into your life going to benefit or hinder your life?

whatever you choose, i wish you the best of luck

Answer 6

You know what, just be honest with her.  Let her know how you feel, and what you went through.  That's your right as her "child".  I don't know about your birth mom wanting you to be her kid now, honestly, that's something she should have to earn back, your trust and love.  Forgiveness, yes, that's something worth trying out.  You don't want to live your life regretting that, if something happened to her.  It may not be easy at 1st but it's so important.  I think forgiveness will open the door to alot of things in your future.  Just take it one step at a time, and maybe let her into your life little by litle.

Answer 7

I am Rachaels natural mother. Everything she said is true.  I am not the same person I was back then, I worked hard to become a different person and succeeded.

I was more than willing to stand still and let her beat the c**p out of me if she felt she needed to, just to spend 5 minutes with her. I doubt that you will ever have the relationship she is asking for but you may be able to have a relationship on a different level. Rachael and I are grown up friends. She's not my little girl, I'm not her mom. Your in control of what kind of relationship you have with her. If you can't have one that's okay, but you said you were scared. We're all scared. It sounds to me like you are also curious. You went looking for her, you found her, and now your scared. Sounds pretty typical to me. No one knows how your situation will turn out if you do try. The one thing that is for certain, is how it will turn out if you don't. It will just stay the way it is. You don't owe anybody anything but yourself and you have complete control over what kind of relationship you have.

I can not tell you how much peace it has given me that Rachael took that deep breath and did it anyway. She was scared, so was I.

Answer 8

4give, enjoy just the same way you could enjoy a new friend or a person you just met and love now.

Answer 9

You do what is right for you.  Adoptees spend enough time meeting the needs of others.

You are under no obligation to enter into relationships with anyone.  If it's fear of getting hurt perhaps you could work through that together, but only if you wanted to.

Take care

Answer 10

I do not know your age now but your age now makes a big difference in how you should handle this.  I am adopted also.  I started looking for my birth mom when I was 15 yrs old and found her when I was 30.  It was a very, very weird situation.

I had a very different view of adoption at 25 yrs old than 30.  After I had my first child then everything changed.  My views and opinions on life all together changed.  I guess what I am saying is that if you are young and you want to reconnect with your mom take it very easy and do not rush things.  What I thought would be the best Day of my life meeting my mother turned out to not be the greatest.  So please do be careful.

Answer 11

just call her and start small conversation and then just gradually get there

Answer 12

Just try to talk to her.

Worse comes to worse,

either you don't talk to her again.

Or she babies you because you never spent time together all those years.

Answer 13

Wow,

I really wouldn't go back to live with my mom if she really caused you so much pain. She is probably really sorry and different and no doubt she probably regrets it.

I would say... how old are you?... um, i would talk to your adopted parents and askk them for help, because they probably know much more about thee types of things as they know more about you...

If you want to get back with your mom I would at least take it slowly... like first call and talk to her. Maybe later on you could arrange to meet her.

It is all abt what you want though, i you want to try again i'll just advise you to do so slowly.

I wish you the best of luck with this

Answer 14

you are related,

it will eventually come naturally but may be difficult at first.

try your best.

;)

Answer 15

So now that she is old she wants you to help her and be one big happy family. I think your stupid.

Answer 16

give her a chance, im pretty sure she loves u and has always thought about u, but also let her know how u feel. but if u already have a adoptive mother stick 2 her, she is the one that took u under her guidance and fed u and raised u alittle more. appreciate both moms but stick to the one that wanted u and didnt give u up.

Answer 17

Ouch. That's crazy. It is understandable that you are confused as to how to react. It's OK to be hurt, mad and curious at the same time.

Answer 18

Well what do you WANT to do? Do you want to meet her and have a relationship? If you do tell her that but let her know that these things take time to heal but you would like to work on it, and if you dont want a relationship with her then let her know you have a new life and have moved on from that point. Good luck!

Answer 19

If you are uncomfortable with the relationship, you have every right to back away.  Adopted persons had no say in the major, life-altering decisions made for them during childhood.  You can have your say now.