If you are adopting....?

Question

If you found out the baby you were planning on adopting had a mental or physical disability, would it honestly influence your decision on adopting.

The disability can range from mild to severe.

I'm just asking because Im planning on giving up for adoption and it's possible that the baby could be handicap and I really don't want that to affect the baby getting adopted

Answer 1

If I was you I'll adopt it but if you can't handle have to deal with the child physical disability don't adopt the child.

Answer 2

No it wouldnt. You have to be a very special person to put all of your care and love into a child who need that little bit extra.

I am not sure about how the adoption system works when it comes to handicap children.

Every child needs a home though, and no child should be pushed aside because of difference.

Answer 3

it would not influence my decision at all

you taking the sasme chances if u adopt as if u have it biologically

Answer 4

As an adoptive parent, I can tell you that I have two children with special needs.  Some of the needs were known before the adoption (heart condition, Hepatitis B), and some were not (hearing impairment).  I absolutely adore my children, and in my eyes they are absolutely perfect as they are.  I never would have specifically adopted a child with hearing impairment, but it has not been a problem, and we are dealing with it just fine.

While it may be a little more difficult, there are plenty of prospective adoptive parents who would be willing to adopt a child with mild to moderate special needs.   With a newborn, it is not always easy to tell whether the child will be disabled or not.    It should be disclosed to the adoptive parents that you did certain things during your pregnancy that might be detrimental to the health of the baby, and then it is up to them to decide if they can deal with the unknowns.

Answer 5

Some PAP's actually choose to adopt a special needs child, while others avoid them like the plague.

It's sad, really, that they get to pick and choose, when a pregnant woman simply raises and loves the child she gives birth to...special needs or not.  Goes to show you that with some AP's, their love IS conditional.

Pffffft.

Answer 6

Wow tough question.  I'm going to be blunt and honest. ok?

A disability would affect the possibility of your baby being adopted.  There are plenty of naive first time parents who just want the perfect baby.  To others it would depend on the severity and type of disability.  Also the chances of the disability happening like if its 20% or like 80% chance?

Now, there are also some amazing parents out there who are willing and eager to accept any child with any disability.  They may not be the majority but they are out there.

I wish you and your baby all the best:)

Answer 7

It will definitely affect your baby being adopted. Just look at most state orphanges. 90% of the children are handicapped. When people think of adopting a child, its because they can't have a healthy child of their own, so they are looking for someone who can. God bless this child. I am praying he/she will be ok.

Answer 8

Due to our own life experiences and the skills, information and understanding that my husband and I had gained parenting two children -- we intentionally adopted two siblings who have sever special needs.

Special needs can range from prenatal drug/alcohol exposure (which is classified as a physical disability if there is brain damage or birth issues commone with exposure), parents with known genetic mental health issues, children who have been abused--and suffer emotional issues.

There are also other issues such as Downs Syndrime--CP and phyiscal disabilities.

There are Many parents who not only will adopt a special needs baby--but, have been trained and have a variety of special training and skills to deal with special needs...

There are also many parents who understand exactly what they are getting into when they adopt a child or baby that may have mild to severe disabilities...

The more honest everyone is about possible issues--the better chance a baby or child has to be placed with parents or a family that is not willing but also able to parent a child with any number of special needs.... The key is that everyone is upfront to insure that the baby or child is not placed with unprepared parents who lack the skills and determination and later find they are unable to parent a child they love and had placed...

I am so sorry that you are facing this in your life right now but, I do know there are many parents who would be more then willing to love, protect and care for a child no matter what that child needs...

take care

Answer 9

When my husband and I adopted, we believed we were taking the same chances as if we had the child ourselves.  We were referred a toddler with "severe respiratory & immune problems, hepatitis, heart defect".  It was an international adoption, so that's all the information we got. We didn't hesitate to accept him.  

I'm concerned about you, though.  I'm wondering what you mean when you say you don't take care of yourself quite as well as you should. If it's so bad you think it will cause your baby to be disabled, it can't be good for your health either.  Please take care of yourself, you're important.

Answer 10

I don't honestly know but I am worried however that you might be giving your baby up because your child could be handicapped.

I've spent years working along side people with varying types of disability. I also have 2 sibbling whom have autism and dyspraxia and have watched them for years to intergrate.

Please don't think that because your child may have a disability that you might not love or be able to care for him/her. There is plenty of support out there for parents if you are prepared to find it.

Please don't let it cloud your judgement and remember to follow your heart.

x

Answer 11

We are purposely planning to adopt children with special needs.  PAP's should consider what they think is right for their family before following through with the adoption, but if it's a pre-birth match, and they decide not to take your child due to disabilities, they really shouldn't be adopting in the first place.  Anyone who has that attitude obviously isn't aware that adoptees tend to have issues anyway, and if they can't handle a little disability, then they surely won't be able to handle the emotional strain of day-to-day life raising an adoptee.  Besides, what would they do if they found out five years down the road that s/he had a disability?  Would they then give the child back?

On another note, I just want to make sure you know that there is no guarantee that your baby will have a better life after adoption than the life you could give your baby.  Adoptive parents are no better than you...we're just people, and I guarantee we have just as many faults and fears as you.  Your baby only wants YOU (and s/he already knows you, because s/he can hear your voice, heartbeat, etc.).  If it's absolutely necessary to give your baby away, you have full control over who adopts your baby.  Maybe this can be one question you can ask the PAP's when you're making your decisions.

I wish you luck!  Please take care of yourself!

Answer 12

I do plan to adopt in the future and if I found out that the baby may have a disablility it could affect my decesion. Part of the reason is becuase I'm single an dplan to be single when I adopt so if I felt that I was not well equipped enough to handle a child with that amount of disablility then I may turn the child down for the sake a the child so that someone more knowledgable and well equipped could raise the child but I were married I would be more willing to continue with the adoption because I would have support. But it would just depend how severe if I were single but I might end up taking the child anyways because i had grown to love it. There are so many factors involved! But every child deserves a loving, supportive, accepting family that can help them with their challenges.

Answer 13

We chose to adopt a special needs toddler and have no regrets at all. We knew we would be the ones to raise her the second we seen her picture. So to answer your question..if someone is truly committed to adopting your child it will not matter to them.

I wish you the best whether you decide to place or parent.

Answer 14

In our decision to adopt our daughter and even this time around in hopes of adopting a second we have thought of this to great lengths.  For us honestly mental disabilities would affect our decision only because of our age, physical disabilities we are more open.  One  major factor in our decision was that there are no perfect grantees for a perfect baby, and we did not expect the perfect baby but we carefully thought about if the expectant mom didn't take precautions to care for the baby during pregnancy and this was a result...

Answer 15

All I can tell you is that I'm happy you didnt have an abortion but its ture your baby chance of finding a good home are slim to none if you do give him\her up pray that some gives him\her a good hime

Answer 16

You made the mistake. I know you probably regrete it now. It may not be adopted. But theres millions of kind people that may adopt 'em.

But I promise you,

you have/will have such a strong bond with this child if you keep it.

Love between a mother and daughter can beautiful.

Maybe you should keep this child.

I think that'd be best for the baby.

Answer 17

d

Answer 18

I do not know how far along you are in your pregnancy, but it sounds like now is the right time to start taking care of yourself, for both the baby and you!  I am curious why you would think this alone would affect the baby....were you using drugs and/or alcohol?  I am not judging, just asking to clarify your thinking,

That being said, I have three adopted kids ages 17, 4 and 2.  The first two were born to mothers with little or no prenatal care who drank through most of the pregnancy.  The littlest one was born with meth in her system.  My oldest has a learning disability and it appears that my middle child has one as well as issues that we needed occupational and speech therapy for.  My littlest one seems "normal".  

I would NEVER in a million years wish they were not mine.  They might not be the "perfect" child I dreamt of when I was younger...they are so much more!!  Each one has taught me to be kinder, less judgmental, more accepting, and so much more.  When we adopt our next child, and we will someday hopefully soon, fear of mental or physical disability will have very little to do with our decision.  Kids are precious angels and deserve to be loved no matter what.  Period.

I applaud you for thinking of your child's best interest and following your heart to provide the best possible environment for him or her.  You obviously are a kind and caring young woman.  HUGS