Imaginary Boyfriend?

Question

Please help. My friend has invented a boyfriend who is apparently 15 and smokes (We're 13). She even made him a myspace with pictures of "him" that are just off google. All the pictures look like different people. He has like 14 friends. Some of them are myspaces that she's made quickly of "his friends". I know she's made them because I know her myspace password and I signed in using "his" account and he and all his friends have excatly the same password. I hope that makes sense. She says he lives down her street but her streets a well known retirment area and she's the only young person living there. She thinks it's cool to have a smoking boyfriend whos older. I have a boyfriend whos older and he also smokes but we've been talking about it and I'm sensible.. maybe she's jealous? Don't say she has family issues because she doesn't. I know her well. I don't want to end are friendship.. what should I say to her? She thinks I believe hes real. Feel free to ask questions. I'm confused too.

Answer 1

Short and sweet:

Anyone who would lie about their mother being dead, or having a "brain issue", is not a trustworthy friend. You will not be able to help such a person until they want to be helped, and even then it will require a professional. In the meantime, they will lie and manipulate to get attention they don't deserve, and they're also quite capable of lying about YOU to others in order to get it. Even though you're "friends".

I had a friend once who announced to my entire family that she'd been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It turned out to be a complete lie. I could never even look at her after that. Another friend of ours actually DID have multiple sclerosis, you see, and that girl was really suffering. The one who lied was just jealous of the sympathy directed at the other girl.

Do you really want to have to deal, on a daily basis, with this person's mental illness? That's what you have to ask yourself.

Answer 2

psychologist would be nice, sounds like she needs some self-esteem.

p.s. I'm 20, i don't smoke, never will, it's not cool, it's disgusting.

Answer 3

maybe she has multiple personality disorder it makes u believe ur own lies.. maybe she wants a older boyfriend so badly and she wants to be you so she feels that if she fakes it that u will like her more and feel like you too have more things in common

sounds like she is really jelous

Answer 4

Well, I think she wishes she were you. I mean im speaking out of experiancebecause i have done that but no one found out teehee but seriously maybe she feels liike she has to be cool for you so you wont think shes a loser or something. Or maybe shes just trynna make her life more interesting so she duznt bore you

Answer 5

I don't think its jealousy, i think that it is more insecurity - maybe she feels that she needs to have the same as you to still be friends with you?

Maybe she feels that by making things up like a brain illness that it makes her more interesting and you will be her friend forever out of sympathy.

She is scared and feeling alone - it might even be a psychological issue in itself that she needs to speak to a professional about.

What i think that you need to do is confront her, but not in a "I know you are lying!" kind of way, but in a "why do you feel you need to lie?" kind of way.

If she denies it - say to her that you are ready to listen when she is ready to be honest and you will be her friend, but her lying is starting to damage the relationship because you don't understand.

If she doesn't deny it, you need to be reasurring her. Tell her that you aren't going to stop being friends with her and if she wants a boyfriend, you can look for one together. Also, suggest that she speaks to a professional and help her to arrange that also.

Answer 6

slap her in the face

Answer 7

Growing up can be tough. And I think she may be jealous of you because you have a bf and she doesn't. She probably feels left out and hurt because guys aren't dating her. You shouldn't worry too much about the myspace thing. It's just something silly she did, and she will eventually realize it was silly. You both are only 13, you have so much time to find a bf. You should tell her that. Not a lot of people have bf's at 13, I didn't have one till I was almost 18. Maybe try doing stuff with her, like hanging out, and don't talk about boys. That will make her feel better.

She's probably also making up the brain thing because she wants attention. One of my friends lied about a lot of things when we were 13. She came to school one day with crutches saying she had a broken leg. And the next day it miraculously healed. I think she did that because people were teasing her and she wanted attention. What you can do for your friend is be there for her when she wants to talk. It may seem annoying and silly what she does but understand that she may be feeling a little left out. She sees you having a bf and getting attention from guys and yet she isn't.

At 13 it can seem like a huge thing for a guy to not like you. But there is really more to life. Tell her to do stuff she is interested in. Maybe do something together. She will soon realize the myspace thing was a silly idea and feel better about herself.

Answer 8

Youre both childish, grow up!

She your friends, if thats what she say just dont talk about it if you dont believe it. its her problem.... maybe she thinks she cant get a bf and very upset about that.........maybe shes just a paranoid person.... just try and understand her! X

Answer 9

I did that when I was 12. Everyone had boyfriends exept me so I said that I had a bf named Brian. (But I didn't go making fake Myspaces)

Maybe its because she feels left out. Don't tell her that you know, just let her go on with it. But make sure you spend alot of time with her. There's no need to end your friendship.

Answer 10

Shes probably just jealous of you just tell her that you dont believe her boyfriends real and why is she lying to you or ask to meet him and see what she says

Answer 11

your friend is a freak with problems.... sounds like you have had enough so tell her everything that you know and how you know... then tell here to put up or shut up... you are her friend cause you like her not all the stuff and lies she come up with.... No more lies... tell her to grow up some and stop the lies...

Answer 12

i think she has problems but if you have the same kind of boyfriend are you sure this FRIEND isnt you :P

Answer 13

sounds like your friend needs help (of the nedical variety) and you need help (of the not invading your friends personal space variety)

Answer 14

Sounds like she's a compulsive lier - people who lie all the time and lie about things which are so obviously untrue as this tend to be very unhappy.

I knew a girl who used to make up the most ridiculous stories - her dad was 'going out with her drama teacher', her grandad 'attacked her with a kitchen knife' etc. She even told everyone her mum had cancer. I always kind of felt sorry for her even though people laughed. The lying got worse and worse and she started self harming.

My point is, don't laugh at your friend or moan about her too much - it's probably a cry for help and the best thing you can do is have a chat with her and maybe go to a school guidance teacher if you're worried.

Answer 15

She is jealous of you because you have a boyfriend. Frankly I think your boyfriend is too old for you. But she also does things to get attention. Something could be going on that you don't know about. I don't think you had the right to go into her myspace though. But she just does thing to get attention thats all it is. But is it really hurting you? Just leave her alone about it and let her live her little fantasy life.

Answer 16

Just let her believe that she  has this boyfriend its not like its doing you any harm. She probably just wants to fit in with everyone else because at that age that when most people start to get boyfriends.

Answer 17

if shes been lieing to you sence you were young, shes not a faithful friend. Have you ever got the feeling the frendsip never began? thats when you no to end! (;

Answer 18

seems like she just wants some attention. why dont you ask her to meet her boyfriend?

Answer 19

to be honest I did the same thing, I was a bit younger, & had just moved to a new school, but I told everyone I had a bf at my old school & all that. it was before myspace, but I had a ring that I told everyone he gave me & I signed my year book for him. lol. i'm not sure if anyone caught on that I was lieing, no one ever said so. I was just trying to fit in with everyone else, I felt like an outcast since all my friends had bfs. I would just tell her it doesnt really matter if she has a bf or not she's still your friend.

Answer 20

why dont you just be her friend and let her have her little fantasy, what harm is it doing ??.

yes she feels left out and maybe she is a bit down so rather than kicking her just play along she will soon get bored with it

Answer 21

talk to her ask her whys shes acting like that just be calm and talk to her like a real friend, there must be a reason deep down why shes acting like this and why she is lying so much

Answer 22

Why does it matter? It'sstupid, and she probably knows that everyone knows she's lying. She's not causing any harm though so just let her have her make believe boyfriend. =]

Answer 23

maybe you should have a go at showing her you can log in to 'their' accounts and saying that this boy might not be actually real. try to bring her down from her possible high. she might just be lonely and jealous that you have a boyfriend. i know about being lonely and that just feels like you want to be like all the other people.

Answer 24

maybe she feels left out,  just let her carry on - dont encourage her but dont tell her she's stupid. The presure of seeming 'grown up' is hard to deal with.

I'm sure when she has matured a bit they will go their seperate ways =)

Answer 25

She's crying out for attention.

Confront her in a friendly way and ask if she's ok. There's clearly something not right going on with her.

Answer 26

Say you still want to be friends but you don't want to put up with her fibs anymore....if she insists then disprove her lies and if she continues then tell her to grow up and leave it there. You'd be doing her a favour in life if you get her to stop now....it'll just get worse when she's older as people will be less tolerant and it can get her in trouble.

Answer 27

i think you should confront her, but be nice about it dont start yelling "WHY WOULD YOU LIE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT @#$#$%%" or anything just ask "hey [her name here] recently i've been thinking that maybe you boyfriend isnt completely real, is there a reason you'd be lying at all" hope i helped.

Answer 28

People like that are imature and it's best that you just avoid them. I know you wish to be her friend but you have to let her know they you don't buy in to her bull. I've known people like this and they basically just talk to hear themself, they want the attention that comes from their lies. So don't give her attention. Catch her in her lies. Eventually she'll me reeling trying to prove her lies with new lies and everything will crumble. Then maybe she'll see that no one wants to hear what she has to say that isn't true.

Answer 29

She probably is jealous of you. Just ignore it. She wants the attention.

Answer 30

Sounds like she is a compulsive liar. You were snooping though which makes it a hard situation to deal with. Tell her that you just have to meet this new boyfriend and you want to schdule a double date.

Answer 31

Well, when you see her next Tuesday ask her to go meet her "So called Boyfriend who smokes." If you don't want your friendship to be lost you will have to tell her that you think she is making all this up because she is jealous that you have a boyfriend and she doesn't. And your right smoking isn't cool, I've never tried it and I would never want too.