Is adoption a basic human right?

Question

Is it a Human Right?

Is it a feminist issue?

Is it a sexist issue?

By putting down adoption, saying it is not right, immoral, or that birthmothers are victims, aren’t we putting down birthmothers? Implying that they do not have enough intelligence to make an independent choice? Implying that the only legitimate way for a woman to not be a parent, is for her to be a victim? For the choice to be forced upon her? The reality is that in the U. S., few women are forced to be separated from their children. Most make choices, over and over, to neglect or abuse their children, or allow someone else to. Others, freely choose adoption as a positive alternative for their child, for their own, and usually complicated, personal reasons. (I know that foreign adoption may involve the rights of many women being ignored or abused in the process of adoption. Therefore, I do not support foreign adoptions carte blanche, and have worked for years to educate the public about this tragedy.)

Answer 1

- Just a note about foreign adoptions -

Not all foreign adoptions are bad - if you choose a country that respects the La Haye convention (1993) which protects both child and mother. So when you adopt from responsible countries, you have to follow strict rules and it's much harder. Unfortunately, many international adoptions from the States are not from countries that adopted the La Haye convention.

We choose to adopt from a country that adopted the convention, because I cannot imagine adopting from a country like Guatemala with so many wrong things going on there. I want to adopt from a country that respects the child and the birth family, even though it is tougher to adopt there.

So please don't say that all international adoptions have carte blanche. This is not true. Madagascar stops all adoption in 2007 to re-organize their adoption process, they take their adoption policies very seriously, and it's a long process to adopt there, but you know that everything has been made to make sure international adoption was the right choice for that child.

In most cases, countries that adopted the convention require an annual feedback on the child from national adoption agencies (the case in France -  where we will adopt - I mean where we will live and starts the adoption process)

the list of the countries La Haye

http://www.agence-adoption.fr/home/spip....

Note that Guatemala or Russia did not adopt it....

Answer 2

Hi Joslin,

The right is for the children to have a home, not for any particular adult to adopt a child.  It has been covered extensively lately.  I would suggest reviewing some previous questions and answers in this category.

julie j

reunited adoptee

EDIT to add:  Since you added the right of the mother to place her child for adoption, I'll add to that her right to do so after all other options have been exhausted and without others making a profit off of her child.

Answer 3

Keep telling yourself that coercion no longer exists if it helps you sleep at night and get up to go to work in the morning.

It does exist. End of story.

As for adoption being a basic right... uh no.

And stop saying birthmother, it is degrading. My womb is far more than your profit machine.

Answer 4

By calling them birthmothers you're putting down mothers who have surrendered children to adoption.

NOBODY is implying they don't have enough intelligence to make an independent choice. Because the choices are made with the influence of a billion dollar industry that has MILLIONS of dollars invested in marketing and researching what infuences decisions to surrender the most, and applying those outcomes to the pregnant women.

Nobody has said that the only legitimate way for women to not parent is to be a victim. SHOW ME WHERE ANYONE SAID THAT.

The choice is forced upon many, and you know that, you WORK FOR AN AGENCY.

You have NO research to back up the following" Most make choices over and over to neglect or abuse children" You can't back that up, you don't have the research to prove that because YOU'RE WRONG. MOST MOTHERS DON'T NEGLECT their children, nor do they ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO.

"Are we implying that women are not allowed to make a choice about parenting? " MANY women are making un-informed decisions about parenting and surrendering. When you walk into an agency you expect to get all of the information about surrendering, its impacts on the child, on the mother, on the future children in the mothers life, on the family lost, family formed etc. but they don't give that information to mothers. No they don't. They aren't giving them all of the options nor do they provide alternatives to adoption.

Adoption SHOULD BE A LAST CHOICE. Because when it effects the children it needs to go BEYOND a women empowerment issue, it needs to become a CHILD RIGHTS ISSUE. And your childs rights should ALWAYS come before your own rights as a mother, parent and care taker of the child.

When all a woman has spoken with is an agency, and if she's believing the vomit they spew, then yes, I am implying that the women don't know whats best for their children because agencies don't tell mothers about the damage loss of a mother does to a child. Agencies don't even tell paps about sealed records and the impact that has on the adoptee. Agencies don't keep the mothers, or the childs best interests first, the agencies keep the AGENCIES best interest as a BUSINESS first. And they wouldn't be a business without the children being surrendered.

Women are ABSOLUTLY NOT only valued when they parent. Adoption should be a last resort but it doesn't mean that those who cannot parent deserve any less women, mother status than those who can. Some people just can't, and we all know that. They need help just as much as the next women and I extend an open arm to all mothers, with or without their children. AGENCIES, such as the one YOU WORK FOR, are only valuing WOMEN because they  have precious cargo in their uterus's, what is THAT telling the MOTHERS?

"I believe that women should be allowed to make their own decisions about their lives, themselves, their children."

Add an "un-informed" right before the "decisions" and after the "own" and thats what you believe. You're spewing your agency propoganda right now. If you think that surrendering a child to the industry to potentially damage that childs brain development, self esteem and separation issues for a lifetime is EMPOWERING a women, then you certainly DO belong behind the desk of an adoption agency.

How many women from Y!A's have you directed to your agency?

Answer 5

Why not just check out Human Rights...

www.un.org/rights

Answer 6

To intitially answer your question.  NO, adoption is not a right.  Couples who cannot have a child of their own do not have a right to raise another's child.  It is just as much a privelege to raise a child as a women whose children were born to her.  Raising a child is a privelege.   A woman who considers adoption is making a choice, but  unfortunately, for a lot of women, this is not always the choice they want, but feel they must do because of pressure from family, church, bf's etc.  Your agencies do not give credible info, nor do they provide women with all their options and resources.  I often wonder if those sham "crisis pregnancy centers" are in cahoots with the agencies because once the women there figure out you are on your own or unmarried to the father, they push how "loving" adoption is.  They did it to me during a pregnancy I had right before I married the father.  Once I saw them for what they were, I steered clear of them and I tell anyone who is thinking of going to one to stay away.

The problem with agencies is they see the uncertain, scared young women as easily managable.  Pretend to be their friend, pretend they are giving them all the information they need to make a good decision, but they are not....and you know it.  I steered clear of agencies and lawyers until I had researched everything on the internet.  I read through ExiledMothers, KeepYourBaby, Planned Parenthood, and all the other websites I could find.  I looked up my state laws in regards to adoption.  I looked up father's rights.  I even looked thru the sites that were hard core pro and hard core anti, just to get some ideas of what everyone goes thru.  I wanted a complete understanding of everyone involved and wanted to understand the rights I had prior and after placement.

I was one of those few who chose adoption as a good choice and the best interest of my baby.  I was dead certain of my decision.  I knew I was making a good decision and I do not regret it.  But women like me are so far and few between, your agencies would not make the $$$ they're making off the scared and unsure.  It's the truth.

And FYI, women who end up being abusive to their children  NEVER consider adoption in the first place, nor were they pressured to keep their child.  And the system is so screwed up, the ones that are truly abused remain in their abusive homes, while the ones that are not abused are taken and adopted out so the state can make $$$.  Another cold, hard fact....and you know it.

Answer 7

No, adoption is not a basic human right.

No, saying that adoption as practiced in the US is unethical does not put down natural mothers.  It helps them to understand their rights so they can make an informed choices for the well-being of their children.  Especially, when they get the bum rush from aggressive adoption workers who troll WEB sites for customers and babies to sell to them.

Natural mothers are put down by people who call them "birth" mothers.  You may as well call them breeders for middle-men adoption workers who make big $$$$ in adoption.

Answer 8

Adoption is and always has been about the haves taking from the have-nots.

Is that a right?

Answer 9

Joslin,

We've been though this ad nauseum.  No one thinks any parent should be coerced or "forced" to parent any more than a parent should be coerced to relinquish.  Please stop it already.

Answer 10

It is anybody’s right to place their child for adoption for whatever their reasons. Just like its  anybody right to decide to adopt.

Answer 11

I hesitated with answering this question because I'm exhausted with the in-fighting in this category, but on behalf of my son, I feel compelled to answer.

Is adoption a human right?  Yes - it "can" be.  Every child has a basic human right to be given what he needs to survive in life.  If the bio parents are unwilling to provide that for whatever their reason, then YES, the child does have the right to be adopted into a loving home where he will be safe, as was the case with our son.  That doesn't mean that all bio parents choose not to parent, but there are cases where that does occur.

Are there problems with the current adoption system?  Yes.  We were a witness to that with NJ Division of Youth and Family Services trying to stop our son's private adoption.  I know of a few moms who feel they were coerced by the system or by an agency into relinquishing their parental rights.  That should not happen either.  However, in some cases, adoption is necessary.  

I feel that every adoption journey is different and that no one here should speak for "every" adoption case in general.  I know that our adoption story is different than most.  But that doesn't mean our story doesn't have merit or doesn't deserve to be told also.  However, I would never "generalize" that all adoptions are bad or that all adoptions are good.

What it boils down to for me is what is best for the child.  If we are focusing on that only, then YES, Adoption can be a basic human right for a child - just as it is/was in my son's case.

Answer 12

hey, if you have the money to buy anything, you can twist it into being a basic right.

there's a big difference between "rights" and "needs".

if you have the money to exploit humans, you are welcome to buy one, sadly.

Answer 13

Yes,but if you adopt teens then no. You can adopt babies or newborns. Depends............................

Answer 14

Hey, weren't you the one complaining about people getting on their soapboxes and preaching?

If people do not want to parent, they should not be forced to.  I think that children would be better off being raised by people who want them.

The thing is that here in America, there are women who really would like to raise their children who are convinced not to by adoption workers.

My mother was coerced in the seventies by her caseworker and it is still happening today.

Does it happen to every mother?  No.

But it shouldn't be happening at all.

And for the record, my mother is neither a drug abuser or an abusive or neglectful person.  She raised two other children and the worst thing I can see that she did to them was not let them eat their Halloween candy after trick or treating-that's bad, I know but it's not heinous or anything they survived and today they are cavity free which is more than I can say for myself.  

Does that mean all mothers are coerced?

No.

But some are and today in our great country coercion shouldn't be happening at all.

I've seen your answers.  I've paid very close attention to your answers and I see how you try to befriend pregnant women on here and tell them to email you without identifying yourself as what you really are.  An adoption worker.

It makes me question what your real motives are.

There have been many questions about who has the right to post here and most of us agree that everyone should.  And yet, you are one of the few complaining about the negatives that are ruining this board.

I sense that the negativity is costing you referrals and hurting your bottom line financially.

I cant see any other reason why it would offend you so much that there are people here with a different opinion than yours.

Answer 15

While some people say that we have been through this and that no one here says that all parents should keep their children, there are in fact posts that say just that.  

To answer your question:  Adoption is not a human right.  As an adoptive parent, I have to go through rigourous interviews where I discuss everything from my finances, love life, family, work etc. etc. etc.  We get medicals, we get references, and then we can still be turned down.  Don't get me wrong I believe in this rigorous process to ensure the parents will be ept, and alas I see in the states that some of this process is shortened.  The point is that we don't have a right to adopt, it is a privilege to raise someone else's child.  

I also, and this is quite controversial, believe that parenting should not be a right, but a priviledge.  As a foster mom I have seen children come in the system with parents who should have been weeded out at earliest chance.  (NO, don't freak out everyone I didn't say that all natural parents are abusive) but I believe we should be encouraging peopel to really make wise choices.  Getting pregnant does not make you a fit parent.  Adopting does not make you a fit parent.  Can you raise a child without abuse, neglect, or other harm?  If so, no matter economics etc.  you can parents.  Otherwise it is not a right, the only rights that should exist are that for children to live free of abuse.  

That being said, in our province, there are multitudes of serives available to natural families if they want to stay and parent, ranging from free health care, food banks, parenting classes,  affordable child care, daycares in schools etc. etc. so that the birth/bio/natural parents can truly make a choice of whether they want to parent.  If they choose to give the child up for adoption, that choice should be supported in the same velocity as those who choose to keep the children.

Answer 16

Joslin, I know where you are coming from.  I think some people could get the wrong idea about adoption as a whole by reading this forum.  There are some pretty radical statements made, many of them offensive to all three sides of the adoption triangle.  I believe that the biological parents have a right to make the decision for themselves.  They have about 3-4 months to gather as much information from as many sources as they choose before they have to make their decision.  It's not like when you are buying a car and get a one time offer. Buy now or lose out.  They have three or four months to make the decision.  All they can do is the best they can do.  It is easy to be a Monday night quarterback years later and say, "she should have done this" or "she should have done that."  She did the best she could do at the time.

Now, my dear, Gershom.  You also "spew a lot of vomit" (your words) making a lot of statements without quoting a single resource.  You make acusations of  an offense then do the same thing in your answer.

Answer 17

Look this is how I see adoption and why. My son had his child taken by a adoption agency(that was wrong)

  My youngest daughter can never have a child of her own so in order to be a mother she will have to adopt.

   As I see thing are God make some women able to have children either they choose(with the father) to either raise or put child up for adoption.

   Then there are women that can't have children on their own but would make a great mom. So these women are there to help the children in to adults.

  What i disagree with is all the secrets. Should I tell them, Open or close adoption. Why can't it be wonderful. I think that all adoptions should be open. I know  that if I couldn't have children and a couple who at that point in their life's don't think they could raise the child but would want to see or have picture i would be glad to show them exactly what gift they were giving and the care I gave this child. I bet  more children that were adopted would be better adjusted

Answer 18

No.

Basic human rights include food, water, oxygen, things we need in order to survive.

We'd all survive if adoption ceased to exist, so it's not a "basic human right".

It is, however, a sad necessity in a society that values self-gratification and placing the needs of the rich above preserving familial bonds and helping those who are less fortunate.

And, yes, there are those who simply do not want to parent, but those people are the exception to the rule.  I doubt there are very many women out there who have relinquished and are living without pain, guilt and remorse for the choice they made, and who don't regret that choice at some point in the future.

Adoption IS a permanent solution to what is, most often, a temporary problem.  But it is pushed as the "loving choice" and most women buy into it freely, thinking they are doing the right thing, because they are not given ALL the information...only the selected information filtered through the agency to fit their agenda.

But you already know that, don't you Joslin?  I don't need to tell you how you earn your paycheck.

Answer 19

I believe it's a basic right for all children to live in a loving nurturing home!

Answer 20

Adoption is immoral when the goal is not to keep child and mother together. This means helping the mom, as much as possible to keep her baby, not throw bricks at her until she caves.  You cannot make an independent choice if you are lied to, threatened or demeaned.  Yes, there are moms who will make the decision to adopt regardless.  But there are many who are forced to choose otherwise by people who are supposed to help them, not hurt them (parents, churches, etc.).  Teenagers happen to be the most vulnerable group, IMHO, but many other women are exploited for their babies.

Answer 21

Again, the love to offend birth mothers and adoptees to get your own agenda across. Just so you know, not all birth mothers are these evil people you paint them to be. NOT all are druggies, abusers, alcholoics!!! Some because of what life dealt them made the choice of adoption, but that does not make them less of a person, or the evil being you paint them to be. I'm adopted and I take great offense to your questions!!!  You shouldn't be working in the adoption industry if you have such a negative view of adopted children and birth mothers.