Is he abusing me? please help?

Question

he has a p**n addiction and blames me for it. He constantly reminds me that I'm not working hard enough, not cleaning well enough and not making him feel like he is appreciated.......I feel like I need to leave him but I love him so much and really want to make it work what do I do?

Answer 1

Constantly putting somebody down is an emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. It strips you of your self esteem, make you feel not worthy and guilty though you are actually a victim. Don't let him abuse you, if you feel unhappy, it's better to leave. If he truly loved you he would not blame you but tried to work those issues out with you.

Answer 2

Let me see.  He does not appreciate you, he tries to run you down, he thinks you are lazy and a slob, and he blames his low self esteem on being under appreciated by you.  And to top it off he is addicted to p**n.  This guy is a serious loser.  Run baby run.

Answer 3

watch an episode of Degrassi, and see what they do and try doing it

Answer 4

well p**n addiction is not abuse but being mean to you is..if he is not treating you good thats abuse maybe not like hitting or holloring on you but he should be good to you..for a good  relationship you must have commucation with each other and talk about everything but its hard to belive he loves you if he treats you this way....so you better find out or make the change...let him gett it from the p**n and not you and see how he likes that take a break for a few weeks and see if he misses you..

Answer 5

if he loves you, he will understand that he is treating you like..... well excuse my french, but treating you like ****! I would tell him about this and ask if he would like to see a counseler!

Best of luck----

Answer 6

Are you married?  If not, leave.  If you are married, try to work it out.

Answer 7

leave him now, you dont love him he has just taken all your confidence to make you think you couldnt possibly live without him. Leave him and stay away, it takes a lot of guts and he will come chasing after you because he will not be able to face losing control. You deserve better, you will find someone better and its not your fault  

Answer 8

here the truth when you first started out did you do all the things he say you dont do now the s*x ,cooking,cleaning if so then you made you bed like that so you got to lye in it meaning that you got him to where he 's at but if you didnt you must go now beore it get to the point where he's making you feel less then a person and about that love thing love yourself first stop thing that just cause you think its love its for you mr right is out there just not right now cause love dont hurt it heals  

Answer 9

he sounds emotionally abusive. if this is a pattern, then he's abusive. i'm sorry. i know it must hurt. it's not you, it's him. no one will ever fill his hole.  nothing. i mean NOTHING will ever be good enough for him. you can be perfect, and he will just complain that you're trying to be better than he is. nothing. NOTHING will ever be good enough for him.

he will not change.

get out before he tears your self-esteem too pieces and you feel like you can't do better. get out as soon as you can.

good luck

Answer 10

My first husband was like that.  Took 15 years of his abuse before I finally left him.  Don't be as dumb as I was.  He isn't going to change.

This kind of guy has to have somebody to blame for all of HIS failings, because he's perfect, and can't possibly be held accountable.  It's all YOUR fault.  Get out now, before he completely shreds your self-confidence.  .  

Answer 11

Yes. He is mentally abusing you.

If you are not married just leave him. You deserve better treatment than that.

If you are married try to work it out.

I suggest a councilor.

That way the discussion will be fair.

If nothing changes get a divorce before it's to late and he gets worse.

___________________________

Sorry If I offended you. I didn't mean to.

Answer 12

So he's addicted to p**n but it's your fault because you don't clean well enough?  He doesn't feel appreciated.  What does he do that you appreciate?

This is a tough call.  You certainly don't deserve to be treated like this, but there could be some underlying issues as to why he's doing this.  Was he always like this?  I would recommend you seek couples counseling.  That way, you can get to a neutral area with a 3rd party and you can explain to him how he makes you feel.  If you can figure out why he's treating you like this then you can start working towards correcting the behavior by correcting the cause.

Answer 13

Emotional abuse. Sit down & calmly talk it out to see if you guys can come to a solution. If not, then why put urself down for someone who doesn't care?

It's extremely draining to stay in a loveless/one-sided relationship.  

Answer 14

Yes, he's emotionally abusing you.  You should leave him. You deserve someone better.

Answer 15

My question is, he blames you for his addiction to p**n because you don't do all those things, but are those things all non-sexual? Not right to blame period but it can be a lack of sexual satisfaction that could bring on sexually deviant behavior. He probably has this addiction on his brain and nothing more, meaning it's all him. As for saying he's wants to feel appreciated that is a normal "need". But saying that you not working and cleaning hard enough makes him feel unappreciated, is utter bullshit.

He needs to learn of and admit to addiction. All in the mind, although the mind is a powerful thing. It comes down to thought patterns and habits. If he can take responsibility for his actions then there is hope of some productive change, if that's what you're looking for.

I don't know the details, but it doesn't sound like abuse, just a confused girl. You need to be sure in your own mind if how hard you work and clean, or even how much s*x you give him is acceptable. If yes, then you need to point this out to him. If no, then you need to try for that goal, or decide it's not worth the change and start over. Be reasonable in your decision. - Luck

Answer 16

My ex wasn't addicted to p**n just cheating .  But he did the same thing to me.  I put up with it for 18 years, divorced him, met a great guy and have been happily re-married for 22 years.  

Don't waste your life like I did. Get out now.  You will find someone else to love that will love and respect you.  He doesn't.

He is controlling you . You need to be strong and take control back.

Leave him as soon as possible.  

Answer 17

You need to read a book called "The Abusive Relationship:  How to Recognize it and How to Deal with It" by Patricia Evans.  That book should open your eyes.  It certainly opened mine.

Answer 18

when one has an addiction no matter the addiction it is only their fault, yes this is a form of abuse. There are many. If you are not married I would suggest leaving. If you are married, I suggest trying to see if he wants help. there is treatment for that, support groups and such. I was in a all to similar situation, that is only the begining, it gets much much worse!! if this person is doing this to you, they are not owning up to ones own true feelings and they are too ashamed to admit this addiction, anything you are ashamed of you really shouldnt be doing. Get this person help or get out before it gets worse.

Answer 19

Get him some help for his p**n addiction. Just because he's not an alcoholic doesn't mean he's not ruining his life or your marriage. I wouldn't call it abuse but people with addictions like to blame others for their problems. If he doesn't want help, you'll have to say goodbye for your own sake.

Answer 20

Anyone with an addiction will try to place blame anywhere except where the blame belongs.  You should be strong and stand up to him.  If you allow him to make you feel inferior or bad about yourself then  you are fueling this behavior.  I think that there are other outlying issues that he needs to deal with and if you love him then you ask him to go to counseling and if he won't then you need to decide if he is the best thing for you.  I have known individuals who have p**n addictions and trust me, it stems from issues much deeper than you not satisfying him.  The chances are very slim that you will ever be able to satisfy him because he gets his jollies by pornographic material...not the real thing.

Answer 21

he has a p**n addiction because you dont please him...if you do do sumthing from his favorite video....he will call down thats what you want right??

if he still being a jerk then leave...sorry if it hurts...but sumtimes things happen =[

Answer 22

Believe it or not, he IS abusing you. Not physically but mentally. He knows you love so much that he can put you down and you won't leave leave him. If you guys are married, go see a marriage counselor. If you guys aren't, end it with him and next thing you know he will be coming back to you but this time your in control.

Answer 23

Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical, what he's doing is tearing down your self esteem and by making you feel bad about yourself you stay, after all it's all your fault.

  Get away from him. His problems are his not yours or caused by you. You deserve better. Men who abuse, in any form, usually escalate at some point to other forms of abuse, get out while the getting is good, save your tears and heartache for someone who deserves it, not him.

Answer 24

Yeah, mental abuse.  LEAVE!!!  It won't get better.  

Answer 25

I don't know if it's abuse but it's CERTAINLY disrespect. If you were my mother,sister,niece or whatever I'd be horrified that you were with a man like that. Please get out and find a man who treats you like a queen, not like his servant.

Answer 26

Yes, thats mental abuse. Tell him if he does not stop you will leave him give him a chance to change and if he wont stop hand him his walking papers married or not..

Answer 27

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

He is emotionally abusing you.  He's trying to put all the blame on you for his addiction and that's not right.  It is his addiction to own, but addicts (of any type) find it easier to put the blame on someone else rather than own up to their issues.

I know that you love him, but you need some serious counseling.  If he won't go, then you make sure you do.  They will help you break this cycle of abuse and help you in dealing with his addiction.  

You are the only one who can say "enough is enough" and know when it's time to leave.  Know in your heart that you are a good person and worthy of love and respect.  He is not giving this to you.  You need to decide if you are going to try to change the situation, and how.

Good luck.