Is it wrong to be excited?

Question

This was brought on by sweet sweet Jane's post about her impending placement. I am just jumping out of my skin with excitement for her! And I'm imagining what that day will be like for me.

I know that the child(ren) don't usually have the same feelings (why would they be excited to be placed with yet another family, who knows what these new people are like, blah blah). But this is the one time when I think it IS ok for the adults to be excited. We've been waiting for a year and a half. We've spent about 5 years talking about special needs adoption, researching, going through the process...we WANT to do this. We WANT to have a family this way.

So, is it wrong for us to completely flip out with excitement, as long as we don't freak out our kids when they come home? LOL I think I'll be able to refrain from screaming and crushing them with hugs. But I know my husband and I will be really excited. Someone told me once that it feels like AP's think they just won the lottery..

Answer 1

I don't think it's wrong to be excited.  When you have your placement, you know enough not to go charging at these children and smothering them - you've done your research, you've done your soul-searching, you've done your waiting.    But now, you're creating the family you've wanted for so long - I'd be concerned if you WEREN'T excited.

A very good AP friend of mine described it as the most joy and the most sorrow they've ever felt - all at the same exact moment.  Joy at bringing their child home, sorrow for the mother and the loss their child will experience.

Answer 2

Aw no way! You can definiantly be excited, when I hear peoples storys or watch adoptiong storys on tv I get so exceited and cant waint untill that is me! I cry seeing how happy people are.

Answer 3

I don't think it is wrong to be excited... at least I feel this way having gotten the "we have a match"- call just 2 days ago. Family members and friends are excited for us too and they all add how exciting and wonderful for the baby to have us as parents. We also have talked about the loss of the birthparents and how much courage it took them to make this decision for their child. Yes it is wonderful for us, our first baby, but we do understand it is very hard for them, but since they are not able to be fit parent and provide for the baby at all, this is a wonderful choice and my husband and I feel so very much honored to be the parents of their baby girl!

I will never forget the special couple that will bring her into life and they will always be very close to our heart and ensure our daughter knows how much she was loved by them.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Sorry, I'm still clammy.  What's this all about?

Answer 5

Hi,

I am still excited and we know the kids are excited too.  They may have apprehensions but they have been prepped and are anxious to meet us.  I have waited over 6 years for this, and yep I am excited and wrong or right I am entitled to my feelings in the process, as long as i let the kids progress their feelings at their own pace.

Answer 6

Gaia,

Wholelottacats beat me to everything i was gonna say. Drats.  Well i guess great minds think alike huh?

You should be excited.  For me i think the best way i can relate is with my toddler adoption.  I was excited jumping up and down couldn't wait until i saw her.  Then the first moment i saw her sweet face, the feeling of loss came over me.  It came down on me pretty hard thinking of all she had been thru losing her first parents, starvation, abandonment, etc.  So the loss and excitement swirled together and i was calm.  I looked at my husband and said do you think she'll let me hold her?  She reached her arms out to me and she's been in my lap pretty much ever since.

I think you will be able to read your child's face and be able to tell what she needs or what she is open to when you meet her. Older child adoption is new to me so that all i have.  I will pray that you meet your child soon. Best wishes.

Answer 7

be excited...think about how exciting it is for that child to see someone who's actually thrilled & excited to have them in their life instead of "yet another family"!

Answer 8

We were excited but so was our almost 5 year old daughter!

I will never forget the day we met her.... The foster family had met with us for dinner and we got to see little brother the night before.... In the morning we went to a cafe and waited....so excited....

I saw her head walk through the tables and a smile as big as could be on her face.... She walked over to the table and said, "Are you my new mommy and daddy?"

She had been told (saw pictures and our family book)---she was just as excited as we were and maybe more.... She knew she had been in a foster family that wanted to adopt her brother--but, not her and she was relieved to be adopted together.....

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to jump to the moon when the placement and matching process is at last over.....  

As for freaking out the kids when they come home.... There are some great transition tips Oregon gives and a wonderful list of information to ask the foster family about....  But, I can tell you this our little girl was so thrilled we could hardly be more excited then her.....of course, this is also a big red flag for RAD.....but, it didn't make it any less exciting for our daughter..... and we didn't try and tell her she had inappropriate affection.....

Why wouldn't parents be excited and why wouldn't some children be happy???? It is all relative.... being happy about a new family Doesn't Mean that there are no feelings for the birth family or the foster families......  course it's fun when they strart family hunting a year later and realize that there are not going to be any More new moms and dads....

Answer 9

The one thing about being adopted that annoyed me was all the cards my parents got saying "congratulations on this happy day" "welcoming this beautiful child" "You have a new daughter". It was not the same reality as mine. There was nothing to congratulate, these were complete strangers to me and to be seen as "new" like a shiny new sports car was horrible.

Im not saying dont be excited, I can imagine it would be an amazing experience for an adoptive parent. but just be a little sensitive about it, and maybe through all the excitment and happiness and people coming over and seeing your baby remind them and yourselves that it can be hard for the child, it is a time of loss for the child and maybe spend a minute or two just remembering who they have lost. In fact maybe even write a little note for your child they can read later saying "we are happy and excited to bring you into our lives but we will never forget those who brought you into the world to begin with.".

I hope it is successful. The biggest thing is honesty and openess and if you are, then your child will have the happiest life it could be.

Answer 10

Awwww oh my god! Im excited for you now too!!! :D :D :D Congratulations!! You have every right to be excited...If i was you, id b out right now buying anything and everything for when the kid comes! BLESS YOU! x*x

Answer 11

Oh my gosh, YES! It's totally normal and expected that you're excited about it! Man, I sure would be and if it's WRONG to be excited, well... I don't even know what to say to that! Ha. So really, be as excited as you want to be. It's part of the honeymoon phase and you should relish it. ALL new parents (okay, most new parents) are excited about their impending arrival, so why not adoptive parents as well?

Heck, I was super excited just receiving the first package about my sponsor child - seeing if it was a boy or girl, what they looked like, etc. So I can't imagine how I'd feel if it was going to be my son or daughter.

Answer 12

gaia- you have every reaon to be stoked!  you're going to make a great mom with all the preparation you've done.

one thing i would check into if you haven't yet, is the honeymoon period.  i think most people go through it.

the more prepared you are to know it's going to come and go, the better you can deal with it.

good luck!

Answer 13

Of course you're not wrong to be excited.  You're going to be PARENTS, and the anticipation is just the same as if you were pregnant, even though the belly is not there.

When I met my oldest daughter for the first time, she was 10 years old, didn't speak English, and had wanted to be adopted all her life.  I had planned to say hello to her very calmly and shake her hand.  But I'm Italian!  I grabbed her in the biggest hug ever, and started crying.  Just couldn't help it!

She must have wondered what this strange lady was doing, but she was happy to come up to the hotel room with me and start our life together as a family.  And today, she is a beautiful and confident young lady of almost 18, and she hugs and kisses back when I hug her!  

Hope you get that magic call SOON!

Answer 14

I'd be worried if you WEREN'T excited...Of course you have the right to be excited.

I am going to give birth to my 5th child tomorrow and I am so excited I don't kow how I will sleep tonight.

Also next month, we go to court to finalize my adoption of my step daughter. I am just as excited by that as the impending birth.

Becoming a parent is cause for excitement no matter how you become a parent...