Is my journalism(newsstory) good/ok? comments?suggestions?pls

Question

MOTORCYCLE SLAYS MAN

a motorcycle accident happened yesterday morning at 4:00am on xxxx street.

xxxx xxxxx was on a motorcycle when two 10-wheeler trucks carrying cement and sand collided, his body was cutoff, the upper part was on the road and the lower part still on the motorcycle, it was still there when the investigators came and found an id of the victim. The driver of the truck carrying sand and its passengers were not injured but were brought to a hospital. A pregant woman inside the truck during the accident told the driver " i told you, you should have benn more careful!" There has been no case filed yet, but the police might charge him with homicide due to reckless driving.

(fiction)

Answer 1

You've got a bit of work to do. Much more than I have time here but just letting you know it's NOT ok.

Answer 2

Turn that in to any journalism teacher, and prepare yourself for an F.  

To examine the mistakes in just the first sentence:

1.  The first word isn't capitalized.

2.  You'd never begin with "A motorcycle accident happened."  Instead, you'd begin with, "A xx-year-old man was killed ..."   Right?  Because accidents happen every day, but fatalities are much less common.  Put the news in the first few words.

3.  Find a much more active verb than "happened."  

4.  It was more than just a motorcycle accident, wasn't it?  It was, according to what I can figure out, a three-way collision between two trucks and one motorcycle.

5.  "Yesterday morning at 4:00am" -- as opposed to yesterday AFTERNOON at 4:00am?  Delete the word "morning."

6.  Instead of saying "yesterday," use the actual day of the week.  Example:  Monday at 4 a.m.  

7.  And, it's 4 a.m., not 4:00am.  

The second sentence is worse, but I think you get the idea.  Even a beginning journalist should be able to do better.