Is "manliness" really BAD?

Question

I love me a manly man, i'll just start with that. i want a man who works hard, loves ****, and enjoys a good roll in the hay. Should we really deny men their masculinity? I agree that fighting, killing, etc, things that have been "traditionally" male, are bad, but are we really going to give a thumbs down to every dude that says "hey, i like big butts"

just because a guy can appreciate these things doesn't mean he's reducing women to body parts or has no respect. I like big muscles, doesn't mean i think all men are just hunks of meat to be slobbered over. can't we give them the benifit of a doubt?

Answer 1

We live a culture in which men are forced to "lock up" their sexual desire. From the typical comedy in which something hillariously embarrasing happens every time a guy tries to speak to a girl, to the typical anti-s*x sermon in any pulpit, to the modern feminist discourse more or less equating male sexual desire with violence... so many factors prevent men from freely expressing their sexuality and channeling it properly, especially in adolescence. (No, I am not in the favor of guys drooling at every attractive girl that passes, society would break down, but COMPLETELY locking up sexual desire... bad thing). Fortunately, quite a few men have learned to see through this.

There is however one interesting thing that happens. Every time I do express my desire bluntly, even if interested, the girl initially denigrates it. This serves two purposes, one to test my mental streingth and the streingth of my desire for her, and two to preserve her reputation in public. In other words, she talks smack about me in public, but few hours later, we hit the sheets.

Oh and why are fighting and killing necessarily bad? If the rival tribe has just broken into the village and wants to kill all the men and rape all the women, fighting and killing these attackers might be a desirable course fo action.

Answer 2

I think "manliness" is a good quality, it's just important to know that a guys manliness does not make him inherently better than a woman. It's also good to realize that if a guy is less than "manly" that doesn't mean he is a subspecies.I think it's also important to realize that things like hunting, fishing, mechanics, sports, etc. don't exactly constitute to manly qualities.

I like guys who are strong,  respectful to all life forms, able to balance me out when I get overly emotional, who is willing to stand up for me and defend me even though he knows I can "fight my own battles", I want a guy who isn't afraid to love and to tell people he loves, who is happy and confident with himself and knows what he wants in life. I want a guy who has a good strength of character but isn't ashamed to admit that he needs a good romp between the sheets, who is willing to grab the baseball bat and go check out the noise in the kitchen, who is able to roll with the punches and not get so worked up when people insult his "manhood" and who is able to balance out my serious, worrisome and thoughtful side with his fun-loving and carefree side.

Those are things I consider good "manly" qualities in men.

Answer 3

Good question and I'm glad you asked this. Unfortunately some women like to play the "objectification card"  and say they are treated as s*x objects. Yes, there are selfish and rediculous men who don't respect women and just think of them being only good for their bodies and s*x and see woman as objects and inferior. The thing is that men are very visual, we are, and I'm sure this is no secret. Men like to have fun and aren't interested generally in just seeking or jumping into relationships, but wanting to play the field and have fun instead. Since men mature slower, this could be another reason of this. It's some women who feel used or upset and take it personally, is where this issue can come about. I guess the issue perhaps is the woman realizing the setting she is in and that a man will most likely be seeking a fling in such setting, but a man should not lie and make it seem like he wants to dater her either or have a relationship and the chick should not be so naive either.

The feeling of being used is the issue with a fling, that probably causes this. If a man however, doesn't indicate of wanting a relationship and doesn't lie, there shouldn't be any of this " he used me stuff". I mean, I look at p**n and lust, but I also respect women as well, as long as they deserve the respect. It seems like some women think a man's love of a woman's body or women's bodies makes women s*x objects and that he doesn't respect women, because he doesn't cherish "their mind". And many of these women are the same one's that show cleave or wear such outfits that cause men to turn their heard and ogle the women's bodies. To put it plainly, it's the appearances are what we see first, so naturally a man is only going to focus and care about a woman's body at first, since he doesn't know her yet. To top that off, if a man just wants s*x during this stage in his life, then the woman's body will be more important or what he focuses. But that doesn't mean he doesn't respect women, because it's the women that should seek that men who are done with this "stage" in their life and have matured and are ready for a fulfilling relationship, or perhaps women should be with an older man maybe, as by that time a man is more ready to take things seriously and go to the next chapter in his life.

But like I said, it's some women who take this as them being used or men seeing them as inferior, which is true for some or many, but not true for a good amount of other men who do respect women or don't see women as inferior, but are just in that young male stage in their like where they just are very horny, immature possibly and just want to have fun, thus caring or looking only in the present and not the future as far as relating to women goes. I mean you don't see men feel used if a woman ***** him and doesn't have a relationship. It would only bother him if he didn't want to just have s*x, but was lied to or something from the woman whom she implied that they could be more. But generally men love to be sexually appealing and their bodies lusted and adored by women, since men love women physially, therefore it is very flattering and quite arousing. Whereas, women who are attractive take attention from men towards their bodies for granted.

It's just interesting the things that bother some women as far as attention, which men would enjoy or like more attention towards their bodies, and less their income, whereas, some women have such fickles rules. I want to be found s**y and attractive but, not too attractive. I want my body to look s**y and noticed such, so I'm going to show some cleave or wearing s**y clothing, but I don't want those men ogling my body or they best appreciate my body, but not too much. Man should show manner, but you see how fickle this is? Like men can just have this nice perfect setting in their minds "oh wait, she wants me to look, but not look to long, appreciate her body and maybe compliment, but only in a certain way or not too appreciative. A little of this, but not too much of that.  jeesh.

Answer 4

Anything which violates the notions of feminism or can bre construed as offencive to feminists about "good" or "bad" should be banned from existence.

N.B. Feminists, I'm trying to track down Gloria Allred to find out if I have spoken out of turn.  Please don't send me to a concentration camp or sentence me for eternal damnation quite yet... Let's give my attempt to contact Ms. Allred a shot, although I'm not sure if she's still alive.

Answer 5

The best thing about being a guy:  We don't care if you give us the benefit, the doubt, or both.  

But, good point.

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The reason it's okay for women to do the same thing a man would get brow beaten for and yet she gets cheered on is because feminism has set up many many many double standards.  By the use of flashy, feel good, terms (empowered, liberated, independent, strong) society has accepted said double standards.

It's perfectly acceptable for a woman to demand anything and everything from a man (money, muscles, large unit, loads of attention, gifts, dates, ect...).  If she demands all of this, it's called standards.  But it's taboo for a man to expect a woman to just be physically attractive.

Is it morally correct?  Not even close.  And yet, society just keeps on eating it up.

Answer 6

Really? You are just a hypocrite who talk about equality, but want a manly men to provide and protect you. Disgusting...

Answer 7

I agree with you!  I think everyone else here is analyzing what you said waaaay too much.  My husband is a "manly man" and he's awesome!  He manages to pull off being all the things that a woman could ever want in a man, all rolled into one.

Answer 8

THANK YOU!

Yea, masculinity is under fire.

If men act or speak in ways that some women cannot handle they can expect a "there's too much testosterone in the room" or similar comment.

It's like the exhibition of behavior that's traditionally tied to men or manliness is somehow "too much" for some women to handle.

Some women don't understand why men like to play video games.

Well some men don't understand why some women feel the need to cover the bed with pillows and add a "dust ruffle" to the bottom of the bed.

Our society has been browbeaten (by feminists) that masculinity is defective.

Look at how we look at the expression of feelings.

The female way of talking about it or having a "good cry" is seen as the "correct" way.

The male tendancy to use silent reflection or physical activity isn't even considered as useful even though it helps men cope in ways that make sense to them and are natural.

Answer 9

To your first question - of course I love a "manly" man - even one who does fight (not kill though! lol) . I love men.

BUT - in answer to the 2nd part- I'm gonna go out on a limb here and probably be attacked for saying so... I have come to the sad realization in my many years, that most men see a woman's only value is in her physical appearance. This dawned on me one day about 15 yrs ago, when I was in a liquor store and I noticed all the advertising posters -- all the s**y, scantily clad women. It made me very, deeply sad. I know it sounds dramatic but I will never forget that moment.

Answer 10

JULIE! I love this question and a star for you! I agree with you 100%! Don't you think we were created/evolved(to not leave anyone out) with certain body parts different for a reason? Like men's muscles, women LOVE them. Not that they can't have them, but most women don't have big muscles. A man with muscles is seen as someone who can protect you. You feel safe around him. Same goes for men and breast. We love the differences in our bodies and that is what makes us desire eachother. There is nothing wrong with wanting a your man's muscles. We are designed to be that way. If we were all the same, there would be no mystery or attraction to physical looks like there is now between male and female. Physical looks is what makes most people get together to begin with, THEN the personality comes to play in their attraction to the other person. So many women today look down on men who, as you say, like big butts/b***s. They condemn them for a natural attraction. They can't help it as we can't help seeing how their faces look. Because we are different when it comes to our bodies and our personalities makes us great compliments to eachother. Oposites attract!

"I like big muscles, doesn't mean i think all men are just hunks of meat to be slobbered over. can't we give them the benifit of a doubt?"

GREAT LINE!

Answer 11

No, and thanks for noticing.  I think most women who really admit it want their man to have some masculine qualities.  Men and women are different for a reason, to complement each other.

I've got to give you another star for this one.

You asked two questions in a row I thought were very interesting.  

Tress- A man who thinks women are ONLY good for one thing does deserve a thumbs down in my opinion.  There's nothing wrong with a man admiring women though (to a point, that's another story).  But we've gotten to the point it seems that anything male-related is "bad."  Men can't so much as say that we find a woman attractive without worrying that somebody will take it the wrong way.

Answer 12

Mayhaps, being bisexual, I'm in the wrong question, but I'm going to make the attempt anyhow.

Being "manly" isn't necessarily a bad thing.  What *is* a bad thing is being manly to the exclusion of all of one's feelings.  Personally, I'm a tough guy, kind of gruff, but once you get me alone, by myself, I'm actually really vulnerable.  Someone that gets close enough can genuinely hurt me with very little effort, but I'd never let that show.  I was raised that men don't let their feelings show, and I think that has crippled me socially.  It denied me a lot of opportunities to show my peers that I'm every bit as human as they are.

Also, don't mistake manliness for misogyney.  Both will admire (often openly) a woman's physical traits, but one will do it out of genuine appreciation, where as the other will do it to try to "prove how manly they are".

Answer 13

Only people who think maniliness is bed are

Feminists

angry feminists

fat butch L*****n feminists.

Feminists are whores. Dont listen to whores.

Answer 14

I don't think it's bad for a man to be really macho and manly. But I also don't think it's bad for him NOT to be. Guys are individuals, and shouldn't be lumped into one group or forced into one role, no matter what it is.

And for your real question, I don't think there's anything wrong with ANYONE talking about what they find attractive.

Answer 15

I wish there were more "manly" men! I appreciate traditional roles too. And thank goodness some men are willing to fight, otherwise who would protect us. I'll bet people were generally more content in the old days when men could be "manly" and women could be "girly" instead of now, when those traits are politically incorrect.

Answer 16

How do you define "manliness"?  What aspect of "manliness" are you referring to?  The problems emerge when "manliness" (strong conformity to a gender-role stereotype, which is what it really is) leads to emotional constipation.  Men are far less likely than women to seek help when they need it, and this includes psychological help.  Very few college campuses and shopping malls are shot up by women.  Yes, its true that I've posted this before but I think it is a really thought-provoking piece and well worth a read; evidently the APA does too 'cuz its on their website:

'The Cult of Masculinity'

"Masculinity is the end result of genetics and upbringing, and neither trumps the other in regards to influence. Still, we should not underestimate the importance of the socialization process on males. Decades of research find that masculinity is a social construct that is inculcated upon males from their very birth. In particular, boys learn early on what is expected of them as "men," and research finds that families and society at large introduce several pernicious and oftentraumatic interventions to foster such development.

* First, parents discourage the expression of emotions of vulnerability in male children. Fear and sadness in particular are unacceptable for males. I have witnessed enough parents respond to their crying sons as they pull away from the camp parking lot on the first day of camp by sternly telling them to "stop being a baby."

* Second, males are taught to undervalue emotions indicative of caring and affection; females learn how to express warmth and affection, while males are taught to look upon such displays with disdain. Males do not learn how to connect to other people intimately and are even shunned for such displays; empathy and perspective-taking skills are not taught and are seen as unimportant for young boys.

* Third, there is limited subset of emotions condoned for males, most notably anger, aggression, and instrumentality, defined here as using other people to meet one's own needs. Males who do not learn expertise with these emotions become the recipients of the scorn of other males and, often, society as a whole.

* Finally, and the most traumatic, is the expectation of an early and abrupt separation from a mother. Girls, in contrast, are allowed a much slower separation from their mothers. They can go off to explore the world around them and return to a mother's succor when frightened, unsure, or simply in need of comfort. Boys are expected to rupture this maternal connection and mark themselves off as separate individuals early on in life; those that remain strongly attached to their mothers are pejoratively labeled as "sissies."

The end results of male socialization are distressing. Sadly, when biology is imprinted with societal expectations concerning the one acceptable code of masculinity, we create males with blunted emotional ability, who are incapable of intimacy, disconnected from others, and who live lives of quiet despair."