Is that wrong I feel sad?

Question

I am japanese . Please forgive my bad English.

I am living with my husband and step daughter 16.

First of all. When my husband asked to me get marriage with me

I said as a condition of marriage to having your daughter with us 50% of the year is my limt .

Because my husband and the daughter and act like a partners.

Like some movie about a small child and single father .

It is good to see in the movie ,but if the girl was teenager and bossy and selfisf , try to control situation of this house as she likes, especially own father. it is tragic for one woman.

I could see it happen to me. But I loved him . So I made condition I can accept to having her with us 50% of the year. Other 50% she can live with own mother.And we can make our relationship tight.

He agreed it.

Thats why I got marriage with him.

However she did big fight with own mother and living with us 100% now.

Her mother is living close to us but she never wants to go to the other house even for 1 night.

This is a h**l to me . I tell you.

She is doing good in school but she did physical fight with her best girl friend and suspended for 1 week, fight with boy friend by phone and kick walls and scream F***!!! in the room every week . She even stool my money form myrandomly She broke my base , doll, stained glass , and tell a lie randamly.

This time my husband gave to the daughter $100 as reward for getting straight As in high school and $100 for clothes for the school year.

I felt sad because he never given any reward money or gifts for my effort having her in here. even if this is the not situation he promise to me as condition.

He never paid for my clothes and cosmetics, or shoes.

I am a new comer from Japan I am helping at a Japanese restaurant and getting about $200 a week.

He gave to me a credit card from his account that I can use for groceries and expenses. I don't use it to by clothes, shoes or cosmetics.

He said that [I don't think my wife needs to given a reward like I give my daughter .Is it wrong to only give a reward to my daughter ?]

But I am so sad and feel my all effort to accepting the daughter is nothing.

Am I wrong?

Answer 1

What if someone tried to tell you that you couldnt be around one of your kids whenever you wanted.  He may hate you if  you pull them apart.

Answer 2

you have a lot going against you. its ok to feel sad, just do what you think is right. and hang in there

Answer 3

for being japanese you already have the right to feel sad.... poor thing

Answer 4

i dont even know that girl but i hate her already, thats not fair you deserve more poer thing!

Answer 5

you are so pitiful. i dont think you are wrong. its all right to feel like that in you situation.

Answer 6

im fm romania and i moved to NZ last year.my english is not really good, too.i wanted to say that you should talk with ur daughter.try to convince her.tell her thats not good.i know its hard to make teenagers understand you, but you can try this.i think she must see a doctor imediately.she needs help.you said she has some physical problems.if ur husband is not nice with u or if he fighting, you should make a divorce.i know its not the best way,but this is what makes you sad (your family). im so sorry for you.hope i helped.and sorry if there are some misspellings.

Answer 7

It not wrong if you feel that way, but you have to understand it is hard for a person to go into a marriage with someone that has kids that is a teenager because she feel like you are coming between her and her dad. He is playing a game between the both of you but that is the only way she know how to keep her father on her side. Now that you are in the marriage you are going to have to make a decision on if you can handle the situation or not because its not easy. (Good Luck)

Answer 8

You should try to accept the daughter, as it is his child.  Teenagers are hard, so i can imagine it is a handful, but that is how divorced parents have to do things sometimes.

As far as you buying things for yourself, you should be able to take money for what you need anytime you want to, within reason.  I would suggest that you take that credit card and go buy you a nice outfit.  When he gets home, tell him that you rewarded yourself for being a good wife to him.  If he gets angry, tell him that it is his duty as a husband to provide for you.  That is the way things work here in America.  Of course, we work also, to contribute, but what money we have is community money for both of our needs and wants.

Also, tell him that you think that he daughter may need therapy to adjust to having divorced parents.  Many children act up because they do not know how to handle mom and dad being apart, or because they are jealous of the new wife.  Therapy helps them to do this.