Is this a remotely decent poem?

Question

It's about that short scene in Titanic where the ship is sinking and it shows the paintings in the water. Please to not copy, or I will inflict bodily harm. Okay not really...

Colorful beauty swept blindly across a canvas

glides gracefully through dark water

casting vibrant shades of every color

as a whirlwind of chaos gracefully collides

with the consuming ocean

and lives come to an icy death.

How does that sound so far? I'm not sure if it's finished or not...It needs some definite work. I'm trying to decide whether to hurl it in the direction of the nearest garbage can, or brighten it up with my fantastic writing skills, or lack thereof, whatever. I'm only 15 so I lack in any poetic experience. What do you think?

Answer 1

this is really good!

and it also sounds done to me!!

Answer 2

A nice fragment. Good luck with it.

Answer 3

It's decent in the sense of not being improper. People with poetic talent are usually more interested in playing with words than in "saying something." You strain after an effect, and your imagination goes for general qualities rather than specific images. Most people more readily connect to the latter. What kinds of poetry do you like to read? Why not write like that?

Answer 4

What an interesting topic! I never would have thought of that! It sounds fantastic, and if you're going to write more please do! Thanks for posting. Oh, and do not EVER throw it in the garbage! If you keep on working on this it can become more than you ever would think it could be. Keep at it!