Is this good or bad??

Question

It's a poem i wrote:

daddy it's been a while

i long to see your smile

times have been so rough

but you taught me to be tough

i'v told myslef not to cry

but its been a very hard task

and when mommy tucks me in at night

i always seem to ask:

'mommy is daddy watching over us'

mommy always seems to say

he will always be in your heart

and there he will always stay

haha i just wrote this in my free time and i want to know if you think its good. its not about me or anything i just like writing poems about everything so i tryed something new. i guess its about a little girl whos father died. :[ i hope you liked it!

Answer 1

It's pretty good, but you need to work on the flowing. It comes across as a little bit choppy, and you should correct the grammar in the third stanza:

'mommy, is daddy watching over us?'

and she always seems to say:

'he will always be in your heart,

and there he will always stay.'

Just work on adding more punctuation to help it flow!

Answer 2

That's really good, but it makes you feel sort of sad for that little girl. Otherwise its awesome!!!

Answer 3

its really good!!! but a little pesamistic!

Answer 4

It's pretty bad as far as poetry goes.

First, you have no capitals to start any lines;-{

especially titles like: I, Daddy, Mommy, etc.

That can be done for effect, but you seem not to know.

Second, the syllable count in lines is not consistent.

This ruins the rhythm, which is the point of poetry.

Third, your rhyme scheme changes on each verse.

Verse 1 is aabb, verse 2 is abcb, verse 3 is abcb

Answer 5

It's really good I like it.