Kind of weird question for adoptees?

Question

What do you think is going through PAPs and APs minds when they are considering adoption?

Answer 1

I am not an adoptee but wanted to thank you for asking a question so loaded to allow certain people to totally bash PAP and AP's.  Thanks for adding to the conflict.

Answer 2

As an adoptee I believe that my biological parents only truly wanted to provide the best for me by giving me up and that my adopted parents truly want to provide the best home possible for me that my biological parents because of other obligations were unable to provide

Answer 3

I was adopted at birth by my great aunt and uncle...my bio-mom was only 16 when she conceived and 17 when she had me. My adoptive mom had always wanted a child and due to complications in her younger years, had to have a hysterectomy so she was never able to conceive. When my bio-mom found out she was pregnant with me she talked with my aunt and uncle and they without a doubt wanted me. My bio-mom was still in high school and knew she would not be able to provide for me and knew that my uncle and aunt would give me the best life that any kid could ever hope for...I think my adoptive parents were hopeful, excited, thankful, and good things like that...I think my real mom was somewhat the same way...she was able to watch me grow up happy and healthy and in a wonderful enviroment...I think when birth parents give up their kids it's because they want something better for them, to give them a chance in life...

Answer 4

I can only go by what my own amom told me.  She said that she'd had four miscarriages. After 9 years of unsuccessfully trying to carry to term, she decided on adoption because she wanted a child.

Answer 5

I think they want a baby. Period.

I'm often FLOORED by the questions from APs about adoption and adopted children.  It's painfully obvious that they did little or no research about what it's like to be adopted--the CHILD'S point of view.

I don't know, I mean it's not just this subject for me.  When I decide to buy a BLOW DRYER, I do an embarrassing amount of research online to make sure I am buying the right one.  

So I am saddened for the adopted children with these ignorant aparents.   I give my own aparents and those of their generation a break, they didn't have books (except for the hideous books the agencies gave them) or the Internet to explore what adoption means to the child.

For today's PAPs & APs there's just no excuse.

Answer 6

Honestly, I wouldn't hazard a guess.  

However, I have seen a number of different reasons given by PAP's in their "Dear Birthmother" letters, so I've written down the top ten reasons given and in the parenthesis are my interpretation of what those reasons sound like from my personal adoptee's point of view.



10.  "We want to complete our family."  

(The adoptee has a job to do/a position to fill.)

9.  "I just know I'm meant to be a mother."

(It's all about my fantasy image of myself.)

8.  "I want to rescue a poor/abused/orphaned child."

(The child will be sooooo grateful.)

7.  "I just feel like adoption is the right thing to do."

(Adoption is PC and good for my image.)

6.  "I feel that I'm being called by God to adopt."

(I'm a megalomaniac.)

5.  "I think adoption is wonderful, I just love the idea of adoption."

(Taking babies from their mothers is fun!?!)

4.  We have all sons/daughters and we want a girl/boy to "balance" our family.

(My wife wants a little girl to dress up in pretty clothes or         My husband wants a little boy to play sports with.)

3.  "We have so much love to give to a child."

(Birthparents don't love their children.)

2.  "We have so much to offer a child."

(We're richer than the birthparents.)

And the #1 reason PAP's want to adopt:

"We can't have our own children."  

(We can't have our own children.  Hey, at least this one makes sense and is honest.)

Answer 7

Me,me,me,mine,mine,mine.

wantbaby.gimmebaby.needbaby. mybaby.

baby.baby.baby.

bayyyyyyyyyybeeeeeeeenooooooow.

Answer 8

my parents wanted a baby. mom had several miscarriages and lost one at 3 days old. they finally had my sister and the doctors told her no more, another pregnancy could kill her.

so along came me. 9 years after my sister. they didnt jump into it, they thought it through.

still, it was the 70s and adoption was all roses and rainbows. i was supposed to be a perfect angel, but i wasnt. actually i was a VERY difficult child.

Answer 9

Must get a baby. Must have a baby. Must follow life script, or whatever else will I do with my time! I am a woman and all women have babies!

OR

Must be a savior. Adopting will help my image. Must improve my image.

OR

Must save my marriage. Adopting a baby will save my marriage.

OR

Kids are in college now. What ever will I do with my time! Must adopt baby.

Granted, there are a few people that adopt to actually help children, but I wish they would realize they can help children without adopting.

Answer 10

Well my mom was infertile, and she didn't really believe in the fertility drugs and all that (Catholic and they were just becoming in use at that time), so she decided to adopt.  She was adopted as well, and she said that all she wanted was a healthy child.

I used to always ask if she had specific requirements like that the child has to be a certain race/gender and she said that she was just so desperate for a child she was willing to accept any kid.  So I am assuming she is telling the truth lol.

Answer 11

I'm jumping to an assumption that PAP's is an acronym for bio parents (I can't quite figure out what it stands for though) and AP's are adoptive parents? That's how I'm answering anyway.

In my own situation, for my adoptive parents, I feel that they were probably hopeful, excited, apprehensive, disappointed that they couldn't conceive...at the time they were considering adoption.

As for my bio parents, I feel that my birth mother apparently came to the conclusion that she could not care for me. I don't speculate too much in this area because there's really no way I could know. I can only imagine that it was the most heart-wrenching and difficult decision she ever had to make--because I know it would be for me.

Answer 12

I was the third baby my parents adopted...and the only child for which they expressed a s*x preference.  I do believe it was all about my parents desires, wishes, dreams, etc.

Answer 13

I really have no idea. I was a foster baby that was only suppose to stay 1 weekend, it just kept getting extended.  So I'd guess they just feel in love with me and wanted to keep me.  They already had 3 kids so infertile was not an issue.

As far as other PAP/ AP i think most just want to  be parent(s). Or give a home and parents to a kid that needs it.