MOH keeps blowing me off!?

Question

MOH had been a good friend for four years. In January she broke up with this guy and he went nuts. I helped her thru that time. At first she was great, all excited about the wedding. Lately for the past three months she blows me off. I haven't been to her house since December of last year. Says she wants to hang out, then never gets back to me or tells me she has to see what's going on. Then I find out last minute she has plans with this person or that person. She didn't attend my fitting but asked for my shower list. I know she is busy...

This week she calls me and says she wants to hang out this weekend. We toss out ideas of where to go on Saturday night. Then today (Thursday) she tells me she has plans with this guy she's become friends with for Friday night and a cookout to go to on Saturday. I am so sick of being blown off. It's like she only hangs with me if it's convenient for her and nothing better is planned. Yet, she asked for my shower guest list. I don't get it.

Answer 1

I would definitely ask her if she's really going to be your MOH and tell her how her not attending the fitting upset you.. let her know of the responsibilities of being a MOH and ask her if she's up to it. Maybe she has to re group herself and is really not ready for the responsibility but does not want to make you feel bad by telling you that since you asked her. Let her know that you wont be upset but you'll need to get a replacement and she needs to tell you now.

Answer 2

I don't see you as being "blown" off.   But, people are busy.   You threw out the idea of hanging out on Saturday, but maybe something came up?   Maybe she forgot she said, "yes" to going to a picnic.     Also, you didn't say anything about Friday.  OK, she found a new guy.  She's excited and she wants to spend time with him.  What's so bad about that?  Who knows, she might end up marrying the guy someday.

Why not ask her what's going on, let her know you're disappointed that you haven't spent time together.

But, don't say she's "blowing you off"   Do you really know what's going on in her life?  Maybe she thinks your busy with your Fi and your wedding planning, so she makes plans with single friends?

P.S.-Your MOH is not obligated to attend your fitting.

Answer 3

I totally second YouWish25. I know you feel hurt, but I don't think she's trying to be offensive. It seems like she might just feel as though you're probably busy with wedding stuff and that she should get out of your way.

Did you *tell* her that you wanted her to come to your fitting and then she didn't show up? Did you tell her it was important to you? I don't think that fittings are really something that most people would readily go to just for the fun of it -- and so if she doesn't know that you *want* her to be there she might not think it's something you've even been upset about.

I'd just say, "Oh, I thought that we were going to get together on Saturday. Should we try to find another time? I really want to get together with you and I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time."

Answer 4

My friend is exactly like this.. I gave up in the end and didnt bother planning anything unless she made the effort.

Answer 5

A shot in the dark I would say she is  jealous of you getting married, I am having the exact same thing going on (except with my sister). To the extremes she has gone (including telling me she is getting married two weeks before me) I can only conclude she is having jealousy issues. When close people disappear when your making a huge (good) change, I would say its jealousy

Answer 6

She doesn't want to be your MOH because she's jealous and still feeling bad about her situation.  But now it's too late to stop the process.  She said yes when you asked her because she 1.  didn't know what else to say, and 2. she was hoping she would feel differently about it as time went on.  Now that time has gone by and the wedding is around the corner, she realizes she does have the duty as your MOH to give you a shower.  She doesn't want to be a total jerk, plus- what would other people think of her if she didn't give you a shower- they know she's in the wedding- so she has to do the job.  December is a long time ago, and if you haven't been to her house since then, that's a sign right there.  

She's being selfish in not supporting you in your time of happiness, especially since you supported her in her grief.  Let the whole thing go on, as it is too far along and you are too nice to "fire" her from being your MOH.  Keep this situation in mind, though.  You supported her once, now she is not supporting you.  I would hold back on the relationship a little bit and not count on her for much.  Let some (or a lot) of time go by and see how things pan out.