Maid of Honor / Bridal Shower Responsibility..?

Question

I am serving in a wedding for my cousin, my twin sister was actually the maid of honor to begin with, but she didnt go get fitted for a dress in the time the bride wanted her to being that she had just had a newborn, so the bride took it upon herself to find someone else. To this day, the bride has still never told my twin sister that she was replaced. I, of course, have told my sister about what went on. The bride had then asked if I would like to be her matron of honor, of course, I stated yes, it wasnt a problem, everything was fine. She has put together her bridal shower, gotten the hall rented, invitations done, ordered the food for this, sent out invitations, got decorations, everything. Well last week, she tells me it is my responisibilty to cook and buy the food for a certain dish she wanted that she hadnt paid for yet. I was fine with this and asked her how many people she invited, she stated 150 people, yes 150 people to a bridal shower!! I then explained to her that, this was such short notice but I would see if I could do it. She then tells me that her and her mom think this is "the least I could do" was do this since I am not doing anything else. They have never asked me to do anything else, I was under the impression that we would all go help decorate and put his together, but she went ahead and got everything done herself. Well now, she has someone else being the maid of honor (i heard) but not from her, my grandmaw has called and let me know. What I am wondering is: she told me that all the other bridesmaids were going to help decorate, I was to pay for and cook this dish for the 150 people, no other bridesmaid is expected to pay for anything. I was never asked to help with anything other than this cooking thing. Am I being wrong for thinking that she is being immature. I have spent 600.00 for 2 dresses, my little girl is also in the wedding, havent purchased shoes yet, nor had the expenses of hair being done and who knows what else. She even has us in dancing lessons for her wedding.

Should I confront her about being a little too "demanding" or just not worry about it, serve in the wedding and pretend to be a happy bridesmaid?

She is driving me nuts!! She told me she is not speaking to me anymore if I dont buy and cook this food for all those people and that I should not worry about nothing for her bridal shower and wedding if I cant do this for her.

Also, the bridal shower is Sunday!

Answer 1

First of all, it is a huge stress on the bride for people to not get fitted for their dresses in time.  I personally, had 3 out of 11 girls wait until the last possible minute (way past the deadline I had set) to get their dresses and my best friend didn't get hers until the last day that David's would send it.

So, I understand why she was irritated with your twin, and why she would ask someone else to be the Maid of Honor since she probably thought your twin was too busy/didn't care enough to fulfill the responsibilty.

However, this girl is going pretty overboard.  If she wants to plan the shower herself (which is odd, I have never heard of that), she shouldn't demand certain things from the Maid of Honor.  She can ask nicely and hope you say yes, or at least compromise with her, but to threaten not to be your friend anymore or talk to you again?  That is immature and ridiculous.  The bad news is, it probably won't get any better.

If I were you, I would approach her (either in person, or by phone...if you text or email, be careful what you say since it is in writing), and see what her deal is, and how you think she's being too demanding.  After all $600 is a huge amount for her to ask you to spend, plus you're supposed to pay for all that other stuff?  And a shower and wedding gift?  If she is terribly rude to you, I would tell her that you can't handle being in her wedding because it's too big of a stress on you and your daughter and she can't treat people that way, even if she is getting married.  Then I would stick to what I said, make the bridesmaid's dress into a cute dress if you can't wear it again, and your daughter now has her easter dress for next year.

If that is too overboard of a suggestion for you, you could ask her if you and the bridesmaids can throw a lingerie shower, kitchen shower, or some other kind of themed shower for her with just the close friends and she can take care of the other one herself.  After all, she may just be hurt and thinking that no one seems to care about her wedding (which I'm sure you all do).

Answer 2

Exactly what kind of dish is this that's created this drama?  If it were me, I'd probably just make it and leave it alone. She has obviously switched into bridezilla mode (and her mom, momzilla), so there will be no reasoning with her.

Answer 3

Your cousin sounds like a nutty Bridezilla, and if I were you, I'd tell her to cook her own stupid dish, or she could also stop being cheap and just get it catered.  Honestly, 150 people at a bridal shower?  Can we say "gift grab?"

You have two choices- either flat-out tell her no and quit her wedding, and basically start World War 3 within your family; or just tell her you'll do the best you can do get the dish prepared for all those people under such short notice, enlist the help of your friends and/or your twin sis to get the job done, and then just never speak to her again after the wedding is over.  Sorry you have to be in this position.  Good luck!

Answer 4

I think she has been extra demanding but you've let the pot boil this long, so why cancel the meal this far in?

Personally her attitude towards your sister was unacceptable to begin with and accepting the position after you knew she'd treated your own sister like that wasn't advisable to begin with But now that you're in and you've spent your money, back out would only cost you more.

I suggest putting your foot down. Very politely tell her that unfortunately you cannot provide the dish for the shower as soon as possible, and offer to do something less expensive in its' place. If she refuses your offer, that's on her. She didn't invite you to help decorate, that's fine too. Show up at the time on the invitation and I'd be gone long before it was over so she wouldn't even get the thought in her head that she was going to be her free clean-up service. If her attitude is funky (which I suspect it will be) you put on your Bambi eyes and say the following: (her name here), I just can't imagine why you're so upset, but this is your wedding day and I want you to have the best day possible. I think you should find someone else to be your maid of honor. Someone you feel that will be there for YOU on YOUR big day. (f you can make it thru this speech without slapping her, good girl) Then let her make her own bed. If she allows you to back out, you take that dress to a tailors, you let her know the situation and have her alter the dress to make it different than the other bridesmaids dresses, but appropriate. Wear some shoes you already own, do your own hair, watch your baby walk down the aisle with the pride a mother should have and then enjoy your free food and drink at the reception with your sister while talking amongst yourselves about how long he's going to stay married to the wacky control freak.

Now you don't have to do exactly what I say, but don't let that girl steal your joy no matter what you do.  

Answer 5

I personally would call her and tell her that you are sorry but its too short notice to have to do everything and that while you dont mind helping out, you wont be taken advantage of.  Your first mistake was agreeing to be MOH after what she did to your sister.  sure your sister didnt go to the fitting on time and such, but the least your cousin could have done was called her and told her.  now you hear she is doing the same to you.  personally I would tell her until she starts treating you with respect you or your daughter cannot be in the wedding.  If you go ahead and do this stuff then you are just asking to be walked all over.  

Answer 6

girl you are too nice!

600 bucks is too much!

id be surprised if ppl go to either event cause if she treats blood like that what makes you think she treats others any better?

id just shut up, look beautiful, play along and see her azz shred into pieces! she expects too much and the only thing ppl like that get at the end are deceptions (cuase they ask for too much).

GOOD LUCK and well have fun that day and i really hope your lil' cousin there changes that nasty attitude of hers.

Answer 7

wow what a bridezilla! i'm so sick of brides that think it's "their day" so they can unleash their terror on their slaves/bridal party for months on end before hand... she needs a reality check on why you have a bridal party. she shouldn't have anything to do with the shower to begin with!!!!!  i personally don't like to "pretend" ... it's up to you depending your closeness to the person and your feelings on confrontation... i think it's better to get things out in the air and attempt to resolve them... i don't think i'd even want to be in this wedding.... but if you already spent 600$ on it.... you have to decide if the aggravation and putting up with such a horrible person is worth it or not... or to count your losses and move on.

Answer 8

Just when I thought I had seen it all on here... 150 people is NOT a bridal shower! Its a bunch of ladies crammed into a room, yawning and straining their necks to see the bride open her 150 presents. Get real. This is not a bridal shower, its a gross display of obnoxiousness.

If I were you, I would cut my losses now and not take part in the shower or her wedding. Just attend the wedding as a regular guest, if she even invites you.

She has warned you: So if you dont back out now are unhappy later, you have only yourself to blame.

Answer 9

She's being a BRIDEZILLA!!!!  It is not your responsibility to pay for 150 people just for the bridal shower.  That is rediculous!!!!  If she wanted that many people there then she needs to pay for it.  

As for being in the wedding...its up to you whether or not you feel like putting up with the c**p.  I personally would tell her to s***w off and drop out of the wedding including taking your daughter out of it too.  You can always sell your dresses online and get most of your money back.  Good Luck!!!

Answer 10

First off- you plan the shower not her!  And who has a 100 people come to a shower- it should be close friends and family- not everyone invited to the wedding.

Plan her shower the way you want and don't tell her about it- she is not suppose to know the details.  She is being way to demanding....

If I were you, I would just let her replace me....

ROARRRRRRRRRRRR.... Opps I think I hear her....

FYI- I had a "friend" who I am not longer friends with- plan this same type of event and noone showed.  150 people are not coming because there is not possible way that you could truely be close to that many people.  This girl invited 280 to her wedding and 140 to her shower.  45 people showed for the wedding and 14 people came to the shower.  People who you are barely friends with usely don't line up to give you gifts!  and if she is acting like this- I can't believe anyone would show.... can you say "give me gifts".

Answer 11

She should get a planner.