Marriage counseling alone?

Question

I am considering going to a marriage type couselor but my husband has made it very clear that he does not wish to participate. I feel as though I need to speak to someone freely about my feelings and get things sorted out before I make any rash decisions such as getting a divorce. Do you think it will be beneficial for me to seek marriage counseling alone?

Answer 1

Yes.

Or you can write emails to yourself.  Or find a pen pal/annonymous friend that you can share your true feeling with.  

Answer 2

hmmmmmmmmm.....  here is how it is.  You need to talk to someone about your affair.  You want someone to tell you what to do about it.  You have two choices.  Break it off with your boyfriend and make up your mind you want your marriage, or go with the affair and leave your husband.  Remember, this guy will always be scared you'll do it to him one day too!

Am I way off base?  Is it your husband having the affair?  If so, and he refuses counseling, his mind is made up.

Answer 3

it can help, but only as much as talking to your best friend will help.  and talking to your best friend is much cheaper!

marriage counseling only works if both of you go, willingly.

Answer 4

I had already made my decision about D.I.V.O.R.C.E. & then got into counseling. I did this so that I would not listen to the control of my then husband about how he really wasn't that bad of a cheater, liar, theif, & type A, bad husband.  I also went to learn how to better raise my 2 son's as a single mother!  

I chose a male counselor to get this perspective... My husband thought that the counselor was feeding me full of BS. (we had been to 3 counselors together over the years, with the same end results) I truly, Never regretted going alone, once I made my choice to leave & Never went back to my husband!  And I never felt like I needed counseling after that!

Answer 5

cant hurt. if you feel you need a third party involved, do it.  sad hubbie wont participate, but theres nothing wrong with working on yourself

Answer 6

It doesn't have to be specifically a marriage counselor.  It can just be an everyday counselor or therapist.  I never wonder why men are so hesitant to seek help when needed, but to agree to go to see someone is the equivalent of being crazy.  The only thing CRAZY about that is the way they think!

If you need a third party to help you sort through your thoughts, by all means... go for it.  You have more to loose if you don't.  

Answer 7

How much time (and money) do you have to waste?  You are paying someone to talk to, they do not tell you the solution to solve your problems.

Answer 8

It could be, but ultimately you will still have a husband that is unwilling to communicate and pursue all possible routes to make things better.  You know as well as we do, it takes two.  If he won't cooperate, then your options are very limited.

Answer 9

I say go, but when it comes down to it the choice is all yours. As long as you are completely open and honest with them then they will be able to help you better. It is very sad though that your husband favors his pride over salvaging his marriage. If he really meant his vows he would stick by you and participate in whatever it is that you need, but on the other hand if you really loved him you wouldn't have ever been involved in the affairs.

Answer 10

Absolutely! There are a lot of things that can be accomplished in counseling. One is that two people can talk about things involving each other to a third party, and the other is pretty much bound to listen without blowing. Another is using this experience to become more free to express issues and to listen without blowing up. But another is to learn to learn about yourself. Things tend to become cleared when you're talking to a disinterested party. And the counselor can lead you to insight.

There's even a good chance that at the last minute or eventually, he'll decide he wants to go, too. At first, it might be just that he wants to know what you two are saying about him. That's okay. It gets him into it.