Maula Jutt - the cricketing prodigy
Who says cricket is a game for the gentlemen? Over the years, this is a fact many will testify, that cricket has somewhat appealed to all and sundry, gentleman or not gentleman, the street bully or the nerd and James Bond or Maula Jutt (Pakistani movie star). The amount of talent that http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Shahid-Afridi-c2482.
While Afridi who is famous for eating cricketing balls for breakfast and meteorites for lunch, has much to boast about regarding his ability to digest cricketing balls, and his uncanny art of throwing the flipper at the batsmen that turns into a live dolphin by the time it reaches the batsman, the real cricketing prodigy is none other than his great grandfather Maula Jutt. Legend has it that when he used to be angry, he turned green and instead of bowling on the pitch, he used to bowl the pitch at the batsman instead of the cricketing ball. Umpires declared it completely legal.
At first glance cricket seems as distant from the Jutt clan as Bin Laden from the White House. However on closer inspection, one start’s to find clues about the prevalence of the game in the way of life in the clan. When Jutt was marrying his sisters off, he insisted to pierce their ears and nose with the tip of a wicket. He proved to scientists the anti bacterial qualities of the wood used in the wickets that can be used for multiple purposes. The wickets were first used as tooth picks in his family, after which the family started to discover greater use for this elongated spear like wooden tool.
Soon, it was used to send kids to school. Jutt, used to make his kids sit on the wicket and with one strong jolt of the arm, sent them whizzing in the air, breaking the land speed record as the kids went flying in the air to reach school in the blink of an eye. The girls, in the clan used what is now known as the cricketing bat to wash clothes of the household. The bat was also used to make ‘lassi’, squeeze lemons, served as a pestle to make ‘mint chutney’ for the house and last but not least was used by Jutt as a weapon of self defence.
The cricketing ball was first used by the ladies of the house as decorative jewellery. They then found out that it had amazing abilities of flight and hence the cricket ball replaced the pigeon to deliver messages and send love letters to their loved ones. One fine day, as one of his sisters wrote a love letter to a secret admirer, and threw it towards him, it accidentally fell in the lap of Maula Jutt. He found a letter attached and upon opening it discovered the secret love affair. As the saying goes, h**l hath no fury like a Maula Jutt scorned.
He picked up his bat, with beads of perspiration oozing down his forehead, called out. “Basheerayy.. Mei tenu nahi chadaa gaaa” (Mr. Bashir, you have invited your own doom). Jutt started running towards the secret admirer with the bat in his hand; some people called him batman too. Soon he was running faster than Shoaib Akhtar’s hundred miles an hour delivery, and was just about to hit the guy, when he was fired at by an anti aircraft gun. Fortunately for Jutt, he didn’t forget to wear his pads, gloves and helmet. They bounced off his protective gear, as he decisively hit the lover for a six at long on. Some say that this was the first recorded game of cricket. Others refute that claim, while others make movies on the greatness of this game. For all we know, Afridi’s great grandfather has provided the fans of cricket some gore entertainment and has truly taught us how the game of cricket was played before the gentlemen sabotaged it.
And they all danced happily ever after with the plump but flexible and gravity defying dancer Neeli - she was rumoured to be the greatest spinner of all times and the great grandmother of Muttiah Murali.
(All facts used in this article are part of the writers fiction)
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