Meeting Birth Parents?

Question

My parents told me I could meet my parents that I could meet my birth family when I was 18, and I was wondering if anyone thought it would be a good/bad idea?

P.S.

My birth mother gave me up when I was a baby, and she asks for pictures every year, because she wasn't in a situation to care for me when she gave birth.

Answer 1

I would do it!  I met my natural mother when I was over 30.  I would have done it sooner, if permitted, as I began my search for her (and my father, but that one was harder) when I was 14.  My parents (adopted) were completely supportive of my wishes and gave me everything they had at the time.  When I turned 18, we all (adopted parents and me) went to the agency asking for my adoption records and were shocked to learn that they would not give us anything.  My adoption had been a 'sealed' adoption (as was common in the 70s) and even though I was an adult and we were ALL there, they still refused.

I found my mother over the internet -- and she found me.  It was the best thing ever and once she gave me my father's name, I found him in no time, as well.  (She'd been out of contact with him since I was about 2.)

You are very fortunate to have supportive parents (as I did, too) and to have the semi-open adoption that you have.  Since the information is available, I'd encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity as soon as you feel you are ready.  Don't wait too long, though, as you can't ever be completely ready...lost time is something you can never get back.  :-)

Best of luck to you!!

Answer 2

I would say its a great idea. You should ask you a-parents why they wanted to wait until you were 18 and not sooner. I think thats odd. It should be about you and you nmom not about their legal right to ownership.

Answer 3

Although it's a personal decision, I think it's a GREAT idea! I hope to adopt someday and hope that when the child turns 18, he/she meets their birth parents.

You SHOULD meet her because she has taken great interest in you. Obviously she's counting the days until she can legally see you again! If she asks for pictures every year, then you should. If possible perhaps you could exchange letters? Or e-mails?  My sister was adopted and I remember she wrote her birthmother every week until she was 14 and then they e-mailed everyday! They reunited when she was 18 and my sister is now twenty-two, married and her son has two grandmothers, my mom(Her adoptive mom)and her birthmom.

It's up to you but I really think you should see her!

Answer 4

Dear Medusa,

If you wish to meet your First Mother, then by all means, go for it! It sounds as though she would be very receptive to the idea! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

i did it.  no regrets.

Answer 6

From your details, I'd expect it to work well for you to meet your birth family.  I think it would be a good idea.  

The reason it looks good include the fact that she asks for pictures of you every year.  She wants to know you are doing well.  She recognized she could not care for you and gave you up in hopes you'd have the life she couldn't give you.  

Since your adoptive parents have told you that you can meet your birth family once you turn 18, they are very supportive of you.  They also recognize that meeting now might be confusing, but at 18, they know you are an adult and they choose to support whatever decision you make at that time.  

It looks like you have a loving birth mother who accepted her limitations, and a loving adoptive family that recognizes you may wish to meet your birth family once you are an adult, and they will support you.  All looks good for you to have a successful adult with two loving families... the family who loved you enough to give you to a family who could care for you, and the family who loved you and cared for you for them.

cw

Answer 7

If you feel that you are ready to meet them then you should do so. But there may be a lot of emotion along with it. You may ask yourself (and them) a lot of questions like:  "Why was I given up?" "Where did I come from?" "Who are are parents now?", so there could be some emotion stress along with it. But on the other hand it may be a great joy and relief to get these questions answered. You can find out all of your biological information you may have never known, family history, health issues, etc.

So if you feel you are ready for these types of issues, then you should go for it, even if its only once to just meet them and get some emotional closure.

I wish you all the best in doing so!!!

Answer 8

I really think this could be a wonderful opportunity for you. This woman, this family, is a part of you and it is perfectly natural for you to want to meet them and get to know them. I think it's a very good sign that your first mom asks for pictures every year... it sounds like she has always thought about you and always felt that you were a very big part of her.

As an adoptive mom, I think there are many adoptees on here that could give you more practical advice on the ins/outs of reunion..

Good luck!!!!

Answer 9

I think that would be a great thing.  Your birth mother clearly cares about you a lot.  She would be so happy to see you again!   Don't worry, she knows and you know that she will never take your parent's place.  Good luck!  :)

Answer 10

I've met my birth mom and her three sons (they're all much younger than I am and have a different father). It was a really cool experience. They all look like me and I laugh like her.

So yeah, meet her.

Answer 11

Go ahead and do it. Your birth mother obviously loves you, even if its from a distance and did ultimately want the best for you. Give her a go and get to know her.. you owe yourself that :)

Answer 12

Hi Medusa,

If you were my child, i would encourage you to meet your other parents.

If i were you, i would want to meet my other parents.

Adoptees could give you better advice, just my 2 cents.   Good Luck:)

Answer 13

Yes, go ahead and contact them!

I will warn you though - just accept whatever reaction/relationship you end up having with them for what it is. Don't build yourself up expecting a wonderful thing and then be crushed if it isn't. Just take it slowly and be grateful if it's good and you won't have unfulfilled expectations and disappointment. You need to expect whatever family/marriage they have now may not be as warm and inviting as they should be. People are weird and get jealous sometimes - even if it's not your fault.

I met my father when I was 28 (way to scared to attempt contact at 18) and although we get along great, the road getting to the great relationship has been hard. His wife rejected me for 7 years - even threatened me, 1 bother has never spoken to me and may never. 1 brother speaks to me if I call, but he never calls me.

I am not sorry I made contact, but my best advice is go in with an open mind and lots of forgiveness in your heart. If your birth parents ever hurt your feelings, it will hurt just as much as if your adoptive parents (whom you know and love) did.

Good Luck and Best Wishes

Answer 14

I say go for it. It would be a wonderful thing for you to be able to do. I myself, a birth mom gave my baby a wonderful family. I couldnt give her everything she needed. I still see her at least once a year along with getting pictures from her parents now. She is going to be three soon and I am not sure how much longer I will be able to see her. Her parents are going to let her meet me when she is old enough to make that decision on her own and I hope she will want to meet me. I love her so much and I only want her to know that i did what I did cuz I love her so much.

Answer 15

If you want to meet them, you should.  Don't feel like you're obligated or that turning 18 will suddenly make you ready to meet them.

Do it on your own time and when you are ready.  Your first Mom obviously cares about you.  She would probably want this only when and if it is best for you.  After all, she went through a lot to make sure you had a good life.  

Good luck with this.  Just follow your heart.

Answer 16

I'd let you have a relationship with her NOW. Its your family and no adoptive parent should EVER deny you the right to know and have relationships with your flesh and blood..waiting till 18 is a bunch of c**p.