Military Girlfriend/ Keeping a Relationship?

Question

My boyfriend is in Iraq and is finishing his 4th month of his 7 month deployment. We are SO close to seeing this through but I know he is changing and is really pushing me away. What caused this/What do I do about it? Please help.

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear this! I'm a military wife-to-be and my fiance has served an 18 month deployment and been gone for any where from a weekend to 9 months of training. Its hard, it really is. If its his first time over seas it really will be an eye opener for him. War is a scary thing. It's a completly diffrent world he's been living in for the last 7 months. Nothing about it is anything he's ever been through im sure. It makes it really hard to relate with your friends and family back home who have continued to live normal every day lives. My fiance said it was really hard to even communicate on the same level has "civilians" when he got home because he was still wired so tight minded from being in war 24/7. It took him a good couple a months to come out of the soldier mind set. For him to realize that i'm still here for him that he doesn't have to put on his tough guy front for me or his family. Its a prosess. If you wants space, don't smother him. Just be really supportive and try and be understanding. Listen alot. if he wants to talk let him, just don't push him to. It's going to be hard for him to adjust when he gets back so just try to be yourself and be supportive. Good luck to you! Hang in there! I hope every thing works out!

Answer 2

He is at WAR. He may never be the same again. Can't you put your feelings aside and try to be what he needs? It's such a short time.

Answer 3

he and his friends are getting shot at everyday and they are seeing horrible things and he needs some time to get him self back into reality

Answer 4

You'd be surprised how much of an affect being in a war zone can have on a person.  A lot of people say "Oh I understand" when the reality is, that if you've never been, you can relate.  You just don't know how bad this is turning his world upside down.  And what sucks more is that he can't really find a way to talk about it. So what does Heresort to? Pushing you away.  It's hard to communicate to your loved ones about war missions, things you've seen and things that go on daily in Iraq.  When I was there, I had to go see combat stress in order to get all those feelings out.  As much as you want this relationship to work, you can't force him to make it work.  If he feels that he needs some space right now, my best advice would be to give it to him.  Because pestering him and nagging him while he's there, will only seal the deal to an ended relationship and you seem like you honestly care about your relationship with him.  All I can tell you is to give him space and time.  Know that what he's going through is far worse than what most people will ever experience.  He's got to deal with his feelings in the best way that he sees fit. And if pushing you away is the answer for him right now, who's to say he's wrong.  You have to be strong honey and know that things will get better one the situation improves. Meaning, once he gets home and gets readjusted to living in the states, he'll get back to normal. Again, this come with time. He's not going to come home and be the same as the day he left. Don't set yourself up for false hopes.  I hope this helps because I can honestly say I know how it feels to be on both ends of this situation :-(

Answer 5

Imagine watching a real bloody horror movie and times that by 10 and thats what he is feeling every moment

And its not like movies when someone yells cut and everyone gets up again