Multiple adoption?

Question

I plan on adopting older-children from Ethiopia (they are so hard to place, espeially boys).

I was wondering whether or not it owuld be beneficial to adopt two boys at once (un-related), so that the adjustment and culture shock isn't as hard? I know there is the possibility of adopting sibling groups, but at the moment my heart is being led to two un-related children.

Has anyone ever adopted more than one at a time?

How did that go?

Answer 1

We had originally planned to adopt two unrelated children at the same time, but for a variety of reasons, ended up only adopting one. I completely feel that it was the right decision. (We adopted a second child four years later.)

Although neither of our children were "special needs" they both had a lot of needs when they first came home -- learning to trust us, catching up developmentally -- not to mention that we had a lot of "learning curve" as new parents. I definitely think that our children both benefitted from being the only new child in our home at the time -- they each got to be the center of attention which they really needed.

Siblings, of course, are a special circumstance, but I recommend one at a time.

Answer 2

Everything I have read suggests that when adopting older children 1 at a time is the best way unless you are adopting siblings. They say that adopting one at a time allows that child to adjust to your family and his new home especially since he will be in a new country and learning a new language. Adopting more than one at a time will make it harder on both children and yourself. What is one child is adjusting and one is struggling? Of course you focus more on the one struggling. With natural children this causes jealousy and feelings of being loved less and with older adopted children these feeling are going to be increased that much more. Although the thought of lessening culture shock is nice it does not really work  that way. I am an American living in Romania with my husband and children and I am struggling with culture shock everyday. To better lessen the effects of culture shock for your child I would HIGHLY recommend you learn their language for more than one reason. To help him adjust faster and better to his life with you but to also help him to preserve his own culture. I would also suggest learning to cook some Ethiopian staple foods. You would be surprised at how much it helps to smell a comfort food when you are homesick and dealing with C.S.

Answer 3

I do not see how it would be fair to adopt more than one child at a time unless they are siblings. You cannot possibly give each child everything they are needing to adjust to a new country, a new family and everything else that they are going through. They need you to be able to devote yourself 100% to them, not divided between himself and another newly adoted child. I also agree with freedom you need to learn their language and how to cook for him. Also however much I disagree with the wording sonny used I agree with her as well I do not understand why you feel like you are being led towards a non-sibling group.If you plan on adopting more than 1 child than it is really unfair to adopt 2 unrelated children when you are bypassing sibling that may be sepperated because there are not enough people able to adopt more than 1 child at a time. I really think you need to spend a little more time thinking on this decision.

Answer 4

I was presented with the opportunity to adopt my son's best friend along with him (they're 8). It was rough saying no, but we decided it was best for both boys to be adopted separately (though I wish they lived closer). His friend was soon adopted by another great family, who do a lot of work helping families in other countries keep their children, and they talk all the time on the phone. Both boys are getting the attention they need, and aren't having to compete. The other boy doesn't have to be "the one that came with the one they wanted" or "the one they took because they felt bad saying no to" (not that I felt that way, but he might've).

I agree with what Freedom said about making the effort to learn the language (even the basics I know come in SOOOO handy with my son!), recipes (I love ethiopian food, yummmm) and culture.

You're welcome to join http://www.informedadoptions.com/forum to talk to other IA parents or search the main IAA site to find articles on international and transracial adoption that may help you, especially on attachment, transition and culture.

Answer 5

Well, my head says if you MUST adopt, why not adopt siblings?

Is your heart telling you that divide and conquer is better?