Muslim guys(or men)..staying out late?

Question

I came back from a party and was thinking about how my parents contuniously called while I was out. And then I'm like if I was a dude, they wouldn't have done this. They would let me stay out late. I don't understand..

Why can't muslim girls stay out late if muslim guys can?

If you are a muslim guy, how long are you allowed to stay out, or does it not matter when you come home?

I know muslim girls shoudn't stay out late but I was with my friends who are all girls btw, and it was mostly a family thing held at a banquet. I don't mean late as in 1 a.m., just like 11/11:30 p.m.>>not hanging out with guys of course. Sometimes I feel like I'm not trusted, and I don't have many parties either.

Muslim teen girls, what do you think? Is this how it is in your family?/ Do you agree with it?

>>Confused Person, :-)

Answer 1

i liked invincibles answer...yeah its not safe for us girls to stay out late cuz we cant protect ourselves ..

am a teen too...and my mom gets freaked out even if i dont answer her calls made just 2 or 3 times(i would have forgotton to change the volume mode from "silent" after class)and ends up calling all my friends and they come searching for me ... lol

i cant touch the waters when i go to the beach without her( i touch it anyway... and then tell her i was sorry)she thinks only she can take care of me :-)

when am travelling , i would have to call them up and tell them that am fine and reached the place safely..

i was never allowed on "school" fieldtrips when boys and girls went together with teachers to far off places .. i dint quite understand why my parents never let me enjoy ... but now i know they were always right

now am away from home.. in a hostel .. i do feel like a grown-up who can take care of herself ...but ..sometimes i do miss that "over- protection"

(some non-muslim parents are also over -protective about their daughters...  )

Answer 2

I usually don't stay out late. When I do my phone starts ringing around 9-9:30. But if I tell my mom ahead of time that I am going to be late, then I don't have to deal with it.

I don't see it as a trust issue at all. I am glad that my parents look out for me and worry about me. Goes to show that they actually care. Same could be applied to your situation as well. I don't think it is that your parents don't trust you. They just worry for your safety because they care about you, after all they are your parents. If they didn't trust you, they wouldn't let you leave the house to begin with.

Oh and its not just Muslims. Most of my friends' parents call them when they are out, no matter what race or religion they belong to. ^^;

Answer 3

Strikes like a good thing ur parents care so much. Mine r the same. Actually, they have restrictions for my bros. too.

But yeah, I wish that more parents would care about their sons too. It's mostly Muslim guys rather than girls who fool their parents in the end. That's so obvious!

Answer 4

Ahh Blue Rose...I'm 29 and my Dad still doesn't want me to be out late!!! lol. :o)))) So, I feel ya!

It's just about being protective of you...our parents worry about girls and not the guys because they feel they can handle themselves as young men. Where as a female, we can be inadvertantly harassed...they just feel it's dangerous, it's not that they don't trust you...they simply just worry. :o)

It's simply advised that we ALL (not just females) try to be at home when it is dark outside. It's proper for muslim girls, but don't be mistaken it's proper for muslim boys to...they just happen to get more leeway.

And you could remind them to be more understanding that it was a special occasion. (which I'm sure you did :))

I usto just have all my friends over at my house, that way we were up as late as their parents allowed...my parent preferred that and we had just as much fun as being at anyone elses house. And when they see who your with that is comforting to them too...and then you can more easily do a "we are going to go get some ice cream real quick, be back as soon as we're done!" cause they see who your with! lol :o)

Don't worry, they will loosen up a bit as you get older.

Salaam my lil' sista!

edit: What was my curfew when I was growing up?...umm you see the street lamps come on...lol!

Answer 5

I'm a guy and my mom doesn't want me to be out past 12AM.

Answer 6

Salaam!!!

well, if you were my daughter or sister i wouldn't let you at night. cos it is not safe!! since your parents don't let you go out at night, that means they care about you!! they wants you to be safe!!

i have never been to some where at night!! cos i work at night time!! if there is something like party!! my parents won't let me go there either!!  they don't let go at night with friends anywhere unless i am with my cousins or any other relatives!!  that's the way they grew me up!!

when i was young!! i used to be sad that why my parents don't let me go out at night but now i realized that they care about my safety!!  

in the last two years my two friends got shocked by bullets in a party and they died they were only 17 and 18, and this happens here quit often in New Jersey!!! so listen to your parents!! parents always care about there kids!!

i had two other classmate, who got killed by there own friends!! also i knew this innocent girl, who got raped in a party!!  so parties are not safe!!      

again listen to your parents!! it has nothing to do with trust!!

Answer 7

look blue rose. Guys can protect themselves while girls can't. And further there r other obligations from Allah swt about the two genders. Girls are supposed to stay in. Have party inside or outside the house but be in limits (of both time and religion). In Islam men and women are SURELY equal, but they are not the same. They have different responsibilities and desires and tasks. No matter how much a man can cook, the art of cooking will always be in woman's hands.

This shows ur parents are caring and loving. And even im not allowed to stay out that late like after 2 or 3, and i understand that and i do complain a lil bit, but i know whatever my parents say is due to my safety.

whenever u go out though, assure your parents fully so that they know where u are or could possibly be. Every loving parent is like that and hopefully im sure you'll be the same in future with your kids as well.

Answer 8

Hmmm.. Fa, in my family, we hv all girls, and alhamdulillah, my parents trusts me and all my siblings. They allowed us to stay at hostels and go to slumber parties. But for one thing, we must let our parents know our whereabouts, if we break their trust, then, it will almost be the end of our freedom. I think that girls should not stay out alone, or move alone especially at nights, but u did mention that ur not alone, and its also a family thing. I hv a friend, whose dad is very strict. He wont allow her daughter to stay in hostels or even sleep at her friends' house. Sometimes, I pity her... Its not easy u noe if U cant stay at a hostel in Malaysia, coz our schools are not confined to one place, its scattered all over and the gomen send the youth all over.

Answer 9

Sam reason y girls hijab and boys dont. Society just doesnt function like that, whter u r in Arab, israel or wherever, even in America, people still wont elect your homegirl Hillary, even though she had strong points, (I like Obama better and knew he was going to win for about 2 years now).

Its not disrespect, its just..... NAture.

I hope it wasnt a bad party with booze and marijuana, bcuz everyone knows its not a party until u got some X, just joking Sis, take care, be careful, maybe u should take some Kung fu classes, seriously, no joke, so u learn to protect yourself, there are some animals out there.

Answer 10

It's 'cos they're more protective of you than they are of the sons 'cos the sons can look after themselves better. This is what they say. BUT generally speaking, let a girl and guy out late at night and most of the time, it is the guy who will eff about. And that same guy is the one who tells his sister to be a "good girl" and stay at home.

Answer 11

Lool.. okay so yeah maybe you have a bit of room to complain but i definitly agree with invincible. He took the words right out of my mouth. Hun for a party maybe they should be more leaniant ..but 11:30 would be way too late for me and my parents are open minded. My curfew is 9:30 on average.. and for partys 10:30 is the latest. I know guys can stay out but its because guys are guys. I know how you feel but i assure you its for your own good. Dont let it get to you that bad... we will all be parents some day and we will understand these confusing rules.. lol... i hope all this gets you out of your discombabulated stage<<33

Answer 12

Even guys can't stay late unless for something important.

I know this time people are used to go out and came late night but it is not good, actually it is bad. What people are doing at late night.

Then, how come you go to parties. In Islam you can't go to party unless it is for something like marriage, graduation party done in a place where there is no guys and so on.

Answer 13

Just let them know of your whereabouts; never be alone or in a "sketchy" are (alleys, clubs with alcohol or stripping etc). If you were at the masjid at 3 am with a few friends I HIGHLY doubt your parents would mind. Be smart ;-) I think 11 is a perfectly normal curfew. Not that late hun. But you really shouldn't be up much later than midnight....I mean..wth would you be doing? Might as well spend the night at ur friends! I also think the curfew should be the same between men & women. There should be no double standard; if the area is bad enough where you can't find clean fun with your Muslim friends at 11 PM there is either a problem with the city or with YOU. I'm sorry. And I wonder *what* exactly these Muslim men are doing out late (actually, I probably know, as I am Muslim too lol). Well, set some boundaries, be ready for compromise & don't break your parents' trust. All the BS about women staying inside is wrong. Confinement to a house is cruelty & wrong. Everyone needs to experience life; even at the expense of *possibly* making the wrong choices. We must learn from our mistakes but have Islam in our heart to guide us.

Masalams.

Answer 14

Yup, that is exactly how it is in my house too, and all of my muslim friends. Girls are protected more, obviously b/c there are more predators out there for us than for guys. Sucks, doesn't it? My brother who is older is always out, he stays late but doesn't listen to my parents which is totally bad, I don't even know how we are related, but seriously, a lot of the muslim guys I know of stay out late. My brother has a few good friends, and they go home around 11, 12ish, which my mom approves of b/c Allah swt made the night for sleeping, not doing who knows what.

Sometimes it sucks being a girl, but really if you think about it, there are a lot of things that I would not want to deal with being a guy either. My bro was just asking me the other day if I had a choice, would I be a boy or a girl, and I just said honestly, both have pros, both have cons. Guys are more easily influenced by peers (I learned this is psychology when it came to differences between male/female brains, so I am not making this up), so of course it is more likely that they would fall into bad habits if they have a bad peer group (which is usually the case unfortunately). They can go out and about, and are more susceptible to bad influences, while girls are protected in their homes or with other trusted individuals. My parents usually let me stay late at my muslim friend's houses, but they pretty much always say no if its late and I want to go to the movies or something. Which makes sense, usually the freaks are out at night any ways.....so yah I totally get you sister, based off of my own experience, all good parents treat their daughters this way, and I agree with the motives, though it sometimes sucks....I wish we lived in a perfect world, where we wouldn't have to worry about this stuff :( but allhumdulillah we have family that protect and care for us...and its not like we're in jail or anything, there are plenty of things to do during the day, and if you are with parents/family at night, then they usually don't mind what time it is. And I don't think its a matter of trust when it comes to not being able to stay out late, unless it is to protect you from temptation as well..depends on what you're doing really. I never feel that way though, b/c my parents completely trust me, and they're not like paranoid that I would do any thing bad. I am well aware and take it to heart that Allah swt knows about everything that I do, so just b/c my parent's backs are turned doesn't really affect me....but don't feel like you aren't trusted sister, they just care about you :)

Answer 15

Is it only in case of muslim girls only. in our community girls being ou late with friends is not normal in any religion.parents are worried. afraid of worse things every day hearing in news.

even teenage boys are not allowed to stay late unless the reason is reasonable to parents.

Answer 16

its not like he doesn't trust u but men r capable of protecting themselves and its dangerious out there late for a girl to come beck home alone !

i am 18 and my family worries about me !! i agree with them well put urself in their place how would u feel ?

Answer 17

He's just protective of you.

Answer 18

You wanted answers from the Muslim teen girls only.  

But you wish to answer as many guys seem to answer your question and I believe it is my duty to do so.

Being a Muslim girl in her teens is different from teen age girls of other community, especially the modern western cultured families where in their culture it is encouraged to have boy friends and girls friends and am sure they are aware that this relationship leads to sexual intimacy and unwanted teen age regencies.

Your parents are worried about you,  as long as you are in their care and custody they are bound to protect you from the clutches of the Satan and ill fated minds of people.

They want you to be a rose flower with fragrance and not with out it.  

Wait till you get married and then you can do what you want to with you husband.   Have a little more Patience it will bear fruit and do not relate yourselves with other teens of other community in the desires womanhood. Remember Bibi Fatima the daughter of Nabi who was and is still compared to pureness and often called the #1 lady in all manners.

Answer 19

It really doesn't have anything to do with being a Muslim. Its just a parent and child thing. Also as "Invincible" said that girls cannot protect themselves, I think thats not true. There are females out there who can very well kick anyone's @$$ but thats not the issue here. I would like to modify his statement by saying that males are predators and females are preys. Considering this fact of life, parents concerns about their daughter is far more from their son not that they don't care about their son. So you being the daughter, they are just concerned about you and worried about everytime. It is this love and concern that makes them bug you.

And the reason they don't trust you is coz they too were teens once. They know what they have done or what they could have done behind their parents backs. And they certainly are making sure you are not breaking their trust by doing something behind their backs. So its a pretty normal healthy relationship you're having. You'll know when you become a mother of a teen. Time repeats itself. Don't worry!!

Answer 20

guys can't either after ishaa there suppose to go home that was the sunnah that Allah's messenger practice if there is no need for them (men) 2 be out after OSHA they should be in the house 2

Answer 21

I have two daughters only and now they are starting to want to go out with friends more and have more freedom.  Do I trust them?  Of course I do.  But I do not trust every other person, nor do I trust that my daughters take seriously enough the possible dangers associated with certain situations.  And I know that to be true because they have asked me for permission to go to certain events and when I said no they did not understand "what the big deal was".  It shows me they are still immature and do not take certain things seriously enough.  I do not agree in double standards between boys and girls, but honestly I worry about them a lot as they are girls and I cannot help it.  But what I have told them and now what I am telling you as a parent is that as parents we want the best for our kids and we have a responsibility to protect you.  I hope you understand dear.