My Bestfriend lost her Brother?

Question

ok my bff lost her brother and shes in bad shape i've tried to comfort her but she jus keeps crying and saying "why why why why him he wasnt suppose to die" and it makes me cry cuz i wanna tell her to stop crying but how can i i mean its her brother and now everytime im trying to tell her to plz stop and trying to cheer her up crying im speechless idk wat else to say and seeing her sad is making me misserable so plz ppl give me the best advice you got i really need it plz..........

Answer 1

I think that the best way to help him is to let her know that if she ever needs anything he shouldn't hesitate to call you. Right now, she probably just needs someone to lean on for emotional support. Maybe you could try and take her mind off of things, make her laugh (ie, memories of her and her brother that will make her laugh) give her all the support she needs and tell her you will always be here to help her. it will take time for the crying to stop but trust me, soon she will calm down. The same thing happened to my best friends, it worked. When she says "Why him he wasn't meant to die" just comfort her. Hope this helps x

Answer 2

Let her know that you're there if she ever needs you.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear your friends news, its very sad when someone dies young.

And its normal and OK for her to be upset, its part of the grieving process. Here is some advice from a website about the subject.

    *  allow them their feelings rather than trying to talk them out of the feelings or tell them they shouldn't feel that way.

    * let them be how they are instead of trying to judge or fix them.

    * let them know that you can see and hear their pain, anger, frustration, guilt and that you think it's okay for them to have those feelings.

    * let them tell you how they feel rather than telling them that you know how they feel.

    * talk to them from your perspective rather than using cliches such as, "It was their time." You might say something like, "It's hard to understand why these things happen." or "I can see you are really hurting."

    * be honest. If your grieving friend asks you for information that you have, tell them the truth.

    * share stories about the person who died. Something funny or a wonderful memory can be a very positive experience.

    * be patient with them. Give them space and time to do their grieving. However, it is usually difficult for grievers to reach out because of low energy and difficulty concentrating. Calling them and initiating getting together for coffee and a chat is very helpful.

    * know that it may seem that they are being inconsiderate of your feelings for awhile. Don't be too offended. They may be feeling overwhelmed and not aware of what is going on for other people around them.

    * talk about the person who died in a natural way. Don't avoid the topic but don't go on and on about it either. It helps to share memories, even if your friend cries or is sad. They appreciate that someone will talk to them about the person who died.

    * provide food, run errands, mow the lawn, clean the house, take over a job they don't have the energy to do. Call and ask if you can do a specific job. Don't wait for them to call.

    * send a card with a personal message and memory about the person who died. Write a poem or find one that is meaningful for you.

    * remember throughout the year - Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of the death, family holidays - that it will be difficult for your friend. Send a card or tell them you are thinking about them.

    * accept that your friend's life will never be the same again. Your friend will be changed by this experience.

    * accept that your grieving friend will never get over it. There may always be a place of pain and sorrow in their hearts. They need you to help them find a way to live with the death of someone they love.

Hope that helps.  

Answer 4

All you can do is be there for her, when she is upset then make sure you are by her side and that she knows that she does not have to go through it alone.  Loosing a loved one is never an easy time and emotions will be high but in time she will start to cope with it. Until then, just be there, if she needs to cry then let her.

Fair play to you for trying to look out for her.

Answer 5

I know it's not quite the same, but I recently lost my puppy and saw her dead and I was doing the same thing, crying A LOT and actually saying "why would this happen, this wasn't supposed to happen. The best thing I think you can do is just be there. Even if you just sit and don't talk at all, just knowing someone is there that cares about you is what matters. Also, trying and take their mind off of the situation. That's what got me through it. But it WILL just take time.

Answer 6

stay by her side, she'll accept it soon, but it needs time

Answer 7

Sorry about the loss dear.

Just stop talking bout it. Change the topic. because the more you talk about it, the more she will recall and hurt the more.

Good luck dear

Answer 8

Let her grief, but make sure she knows that you'll be there when she needs you. No need to talk about her brother all the time unless she brings that up. After my mother's tragic death (car accident), I hated people who tried too hard to 'help' me forget what had happened (they came to my place too often, insisted on talking about things that I couldn't care less at that time, and even had a party at my place!). I couldn't accept her passing away so suddenly, and was trying to cling to everything that reminded me of her, and there they were chatting like crazy, distracting me. At that time I thought that maybe to them my mother simply didn't matter at all, and that made me angrier (of course it's not true, they meant well, they just didn't know how to deal with me and my grief). But the people who really really made me mad were those who told me to be strong and stop crying. Aaargh!... I felt like biting their heads off.

I liked those who dropped in/called me once in a while though. Those who didn't mind when I suddenly had the urge to cry (they got me a box of Kleenex, held my hand, asked if I wanted to talk about it, and just sat there with me). They also helped me get in touch with the outside world by OFFERING me info from work (they happened to be my friends from work), or to accompany me to my favorite places. These people were not afraid of my tears, of my anger and of my desperate questions (Why? Why? Why?). They didn't pretend they knew everything, and they didn't put pressure on me to tough it out either. I could be who I am and showed the real me, my true feelings. They were my rock. And time does heal all wounds. Their patience helped me move on. Maybe you should try that, too. I'm not an expert, but I feel and think my friends did the right things to me.

Answer 9

its really hard to loose someone your really care dearly.  you just need to let her be for a couple of days or even weeks.  

Answer 10

She's probably really vulnerable right now, don't let her talk you into doing anything she wouldn't normally do, she just lost a really important guy in her life right now and may be looking to replace him, doing whatever it takes.  be careful.

also, you should expect her to be sad, expect her to wonder why.

you don't have the answers, so just be there for her.

Answer 11

Everyone needs time to grieve. she's going through this now. and you being there is support enough. however, if that grief is starting to effect her life or if it's taking longer than it should be, then she might need to get some help.

all you can do is give her a shoulder to cry on. there will be plenty of crying spells. a brother is always precious.

Sorry for your/her loss.

Answer 12

She needs to let her tears out but there comes a time when you have to funtion in life. If she can't function or cope it's time that she seek professional help. Maybe they can give her some medication to settle her down and help her through this. I'm not saying medication is a fix but it can help her while she is in therapy. I would be there for her and compliemnt her. Ask her if there is anything you can do for her. Make her dinner, clean her apartment, wash her car anything like that to let her know you love her. I'm sorry about your loss.  

Answer 13

Well i completely understand how you feel, frustrated, helpless, and worried. my husband lost his brother in february. very unexpectedly, my husband cried for days and days all i could do was make sure he knew i was here for him, he went through different stages, sadness, grief, anger and then guilt over and over again. there really is no real answer to this, just be there, be a shoulder to cry on. its been six months and he still will have days when its overwhelming for him they were really close. perhaps you could take to her family and ask them if there is anything you could do for them that would help, just being there and being supportive to not only her but her family is the greatest help you can give. Good luck to you. stay strong its hard and its ok for you to cry also.  

Answer 14

she need to grieve, dont try to make her stop, its healthy to be sad and grieve, its part of the healing process...just hold her and let her cry on your shoulder

Answer 15

Just be a shoulder for her to cry on...you cant answer her questions about why he died bc who knows why he was chosen to die....after a few weeks try to get her to go out and do small things like go out to lunch...but when you do things try to avoid things that may remind her of her brother

Answer 16

It's hard when someone loses a person they love. So, give her some time alone or maybe just be there for her. You don't really need words to comfort people sometimes, just being there for them is good enough. Try to understand her situation, cheer her up by not mentioning things concerning her brother or just do things that she likes to do. Tell her that she still have people who care for her and that life goes on... She might be over it in a while. Good luck...