My husband left me and?

Question

Took all our money and left me with nothing. He cheated on me 5 months ago and we decided to try and work things out, everything was going pretty well and then we got into a little fight and he ups and leaves me. I know that he is seeing his ex wife again just like he did last time when he cheated and left me for a week. Then he called me and asked if i would be willing to work things out. But how can he do this to me after i gave him another chance? Doesn't he even care about me at all? How can he leave me with no money and not even answer the phone. I am so hurt that i feel like i am going to die. What am i suppose to do? I Don's have any help and i cant afford to live in my apartment alone. We don't have any kids together but he does have three kids with his ex wife. This just happened two days ago and i still cant believe it. I am not 100% sure he is with her but this is what he did last time so I'm sure he is doing it again. I am so scared and hurt i dont know what to do. I dont have any family and i dont really have any friends that can help me and i dont know what to do. My whole life has been turned upside down and i am so scared.

Answer 1

I was completely blown away by your story!  It could have been written by me, almost word for word.  The only difference is mine had two kids with the ex and we were married for 14 years.  I am still reeling from it all.  I have found a job, that barely pays the bills and I hate it.  My life right now stinks in so many ways.  But he is doing just great and now living in the home of my dreams while he denied me.  I did not deserve it.  I have come to realize that he is very passive aggressive and was through-out our marriage.  He did do counseling and the counselor was not encouraging that he would ever grow.  But she did let me in on his problems stemmed from his mother and his relationship in his childhood.  

Throughout he was very charming but then wham he would arrange a stunt to blow any sense of peace or happiness.  Constant mixed messages of love and then hurt.  This was not love.  This was something else.  But it kept me off center and reeling.  I have had to start believing the actions not the words in order to keep myself sane.

I agree you deserve better and so did and do I.  It is hard.  But we will make it!  These kind of men are oblivious to their wake of destruction.  They just don't care about anyone but themself.

Take it from me.  Run.......... don't walk out of this relationship.  It will not get better.  Invest in you now.  You sound young enough to get a job and go back to school.  Do it!  Don't make the same mistakes I have made with my life.

Answer 2

What bothers you more: Him leaving, or the fact you can't afford things on your own? If you keep letting him come back, he will keep doing it! Dump the loser! Find a roommate, get another job, do whatever it takes to make it. You survived before he was around and you can survive now. Plenty of men out there that will treat you right. Trust me on this one because I'm a man that has been a player and a man that has been played. I didn't like hurting people so I stopped being a player. In this instance, I would suggest you give him a taste of his own medicine. Don't answer if he calls, don't let him back in, and go out and have fun. You never know, you might end up meeting a REAL man. Good luck!

Answer 3

Move on girl if he has cheated already twice he will continue to do it.You deserve better for yourself.Besides did he cheat on his ex with you if so there's your answer.He will never be yours!!!

Answer 4

Good grief girl, get a lawyer and stop s******g around with this guy. He has no feelings for you at all. You deserve a lot better than what you have right now. Someone will come into your life that will love and respect you, just hang in there, but get rid of him and let him crawl back under the rock where he lives.

Answer 5

Your next move it to move on .forget him he is not worth it.don't waste your time on him.Make a plan and take one step at the time.Keep your self busy.You deserve better ,other mothers have nice son's to.I went thought the same thing,I made it you will too.Plus I had a daughter .Check in with some support group .Heads up girl.It is only getting better.Sorry you have to go through is.But what don't kill ya will make you stronger and believe me it will make you stronger. Good luck.

Answer 6

I am glad you said you don't have kids together. This makes my answer easier to carry out. I know you are hurting; however, you have to try to find other things to do...show him that you don't have time for his flip-flopping. However, don't play games...i mean you REALLY have to put it in your mind that you are moving on.  He will forever be running to his ex and kids...until he does something major to show you that it's nothing more, I would not trust him.  This may sound cliche', but YOU DESERVE BETTER! Go to the book store and read, go to a funny movie by yourself. Enjoy turning yourself into a strong woman.  He'll be wondering what happened.

Answer 7

see if you can get busy trying to solve your problems like money, the apartment, etc.  perhaps you can get a roommate or sublet or something.  it is over with him so there's no help there.  he has dumped you because he wants something else in his life.  you have to figure out your life without any help from him.  get busy!!!

for the pain i suggest journaling and a lot of crying, mourning and grieving.  you have to go through the pain.  but in your situation you can't really wallow in it because you have some life problems to solve.

Answer 8

It never ceases to amaze me how these utter toads can have even one woman interested in them, let alone two willing to be cheated on and humilited for the dubious pleasure of believing themselves to be loved by him. Nice guys must be astonished by this, too.

In what way is this man good for you? It does sound a lot like you'd be better off without him.  You can move back closer to your family, you can reconnect with old friends and make new ones.  Don't let fear of loneliness keep you in a  c**p relationship. Spread your wings!

Answer 9

Life's tough. I feel your pain. I'm going through some relationship problems myself and I always wonder why is it so hard to talk? Does she have a heart? Believe me, I understand. But if he's cheating on you then you should leave him. You are a queen, you deserve a good man. As long as you treat you man like a king, there's no reason why he should do things like this to you. Start doing things on you own, set some goals and accomplish them. You don't need someone who doesn't appreciate you. Men do make mistakes, but if they don't ever realize the mistake they are making then you will be just going around in circles. good luck, keep your prayers up.  

Answer 10

you need some friends or family fast!  you gotta think about you for now.  i can only imagine how much it hurts, but you gotta try your hardest to cast those thoughts out for now....you gotta deal with the day to day, don't try to process the hurt right now...it's too much

i would be angry that this has happened before...i would want to move on away from the drama....you deserve a relationship with trust and communication, not repeated cheated and abandonement...perhaps he is walking out because he doesn't know what he wants but he knows you will be waiting for him....prove him wrong

just be thankful there are not kids involved...it might just seem sad now, but imagine trying to explain why daddy is gone and won't call them....when life **** on you, remember things can always be worse

i would focus on anything in your life that doesn't involve him for now....if you really have no friends or family, what about a female neighbor or co-worker that seems compassionate...no one wants someone else to hurt all alone,,,if you reach out to someone, i'm sure they will help you through

as far as the apartment and no money....can you get a better job or second job?...or is the rent far too high for even that...if so, go talk to the leasing office and explain the situation....i bet they might break the lease for you....or at least send his *** to collections

don't give up....and don't let him right back in your life when (not if) he calls....it's time to focus on you and what you NEED in your life

Answer 11

Forget all that "what if" and "should I" BS!

Get yourself an attorney!

Answer 12

you're actually lucky.  the same thing happened to me after 25 years of marriage and 5 children.  run, don't walk, away from this situation while you are still young enough to begin a career and provide for yourself.   i am now trying to do just that with few skills and no work history.  be self-sufficient now and you'll never have to put up with mistreatment again for fear of being alone and broke.

i know i didn't address how hurt you are and i am sorry.  right now, this is business and i would seperate your hurt with your rights.  be smart now.  it doesn't look like this is a situation that would even want to salvage.  do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering when he's going to do it again?  i can't imagine any worse way to live.

Answer 13

Stay away from this guy. File for divorce. He's flip-flopped so many times, it ought to be clear to you that he is mentally unable to make a commitment. Thank your lucky stars you do not have a child with him. If he lives up to his responsibilities to his other three children, he will have very little money left. Start concentrating on getting/keeping a job, so you will not be financially dependent in the future.  

Answer 14

Be happy of that he left, and if possible get your money back form him, e.b. by the police. In the future never will have common bank account with anybody.  

Answer 15

I'm sorry to hear that. You need to know that he is NOT the one for you. A guy who loves you would not do that to you. If I were you I would not take him back or try to settle things with him. If you gave him a second chance and he ruined it, then that's it. You know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I don't know what you can do about your money situation, but you should move out of your place. If you have a friend you can share a new apartment with then that would be great.  

Answer 16

learn your lessons and move on.  why would you want him back?  he's proven that he has no character, is a cheat and doesn't love you.  find a job, learn to support yourself emotionally and financially and make better choices next time.

let the ex have him.......they deserve each other.

Answer 17

once a cheater..always a cheater..and your not the first women to forgive one, only to be hurt again :(

Take a deep breath. Realise you ARE better off with out him! So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start looking at your options. Have you got family you can stay with temporarily? Or could you get in a boarder or a friend to help you meet the rent? Dont let the sumb*tch ruin you hun!

Answer 18

Although it is (so much) easier said than done, anyone who can treat you like this isn't worth you feeling so hurt and anxious. I would advise you go to a citizens advice bureau and explain your situation. They might be able to advise you on your money situation etc.

and remember that you have done nothing wrong. He is the one in the wrong. It might take a while to feel better but there will be a time when you look back and think about how your life has changed for the better. This could be the event that changes your direction in life completely.

Answer 19

seriously you could do better, change your locks, save up some money for your lawyer, talk to the landlord let him know whats going on. Dont even speak to your husband, pretend it dosnt phase you trust me that will make his head spin.

Answer 20

I know its hard but you will be happier with someone else i am