My moms wedding dress?

Question

Ok I am not getting married any time soon, but my mom and I were talking in the car about it and she said I WOULD wear her dress. The thing is, it's really ugly. I mean were talking huge puffy sleeves, horrible highneck collar, and it comes with I hat that she said i'd have to wear. I dont want to wear it. But I dont wanna hurt her feelings, I know it;s a ways away but please put me at ease now.

Oh by the way that was the dress she wore when she married my dad, they are now divorsed.

Answer 1

Unless she plans on holding a shotgun to your head, you are an adult when you marry and can wear whatever you want......

At this point it's all talk......if it ever becomes real talk just tell her you want your very own dress to wear...she had her own dress  and you have that right, too.

Answer 2

You could use the dress for something else, maybe handkerchiefs for you, your mother and grandmother.  Be creative but don't where a dress you don't like to make someone else happy.

Answer 3

Wow, Mom’s a little coo-coo. Don’t have the argument until you’re actually planning a wedding.

When the time comes to have the discussion, ask her why it’s so important to her that you wear her dress. If the outcome of your parent’s marriage bothers you, let her know that.

And ultimately you can point out that as an adult, you can buy your own dress and would like to do so.

BTW, have you ever actually tried this monstrosity on? I gave my mom’s 1969 Victorian-inspired, high-necked, long sleeved dress with (the “best” part) a detachable train that snapped on at the shoulders (can you picture the awfulness??) It almost fit, but it was so unbearably hot that I nearly passed out just wearing it. Maybe if you put your mom’s on, you could have a similar “problem.”  ;-)

Answer 4

Well, when you get married, you can always alter your dress and use parts of her dress.  It would make her feel better and put you at ease that you don't have to wear her old-fashioned dress.  Talk about that with her.  If she still thinks you ought to wear her dress, then you let her know that you feel the dress is not your style....or that maybe you are going with a different feel for your wedding (summery, etc.).  She should understand that it is your big day.

Answer 5

When the time comes just tell her that you don't feel comfortable wearing the dress because you and your father are now divorced. Tell her that part of the fun of being a bride is going to try on dresses and finding the perfect one that fits your style.

Maybe you could offer to try on the dress and take some pictures in it just for her - but other than that you want to get a dress that makes you feel beautiful; just like she got to pick her dress...

Answer 6

You're not obligated to wear your mother's dress, but I can understand not wanting to start an argument.

But this is your wedding. Do what YOU want to do. You're going to have to look at those wedding photos for sixty years, you better look your best.

Try going about the situation calmly and rationally with your mom--don't get worked up or it'll make things worse. There's a chance that if you completely fall in love with a dress of your own, she'll see how excited you are about it and let you off the hook with her disaster dress.

Answer 7

Well since you're not getting married any time soon, you can buy yourself some time by saying that it's a long time away and you can think about it then.

When the time comes to talk about it, you can sweetly explain to her that it's not the look/style you're going for.  You also have the fact that your parents are divorced to use too.  Personally, I don't feel that wearing a dress from a marriage that ended in divorce would be good luck for your future wedding.

Answer 8

A lot of times people cut a piece from mom's dress and have it stitched into their dress ( underneath) or have a hankie made out of it.

Answer 9

Tell her the truth. You don't want to wear it.  

Ask if you can make a veil from the dress or something if you want the dress to be involved a little.

You have lots of options. Get your own dress, wear that dress, or use some of the dress. I would get my own dress, personally.

There is no hint dropping. You don't want to hope that she gets the hint. You should just tell her.

Answer 10

My parents are divorced...and i felt myself wanting to have nothing from their wedding in my wedding.  including the stone from the engagement ring etc etc.

so, i understand that completely!!! don't argue too much about it now.  but do tell her that you're not sure you are going to want to do that.  and that there are so many different things that people do nowadays to incorporate things from past weddings into theirs.

you can take a hem off the bottom of her dress and make a purse out of it... and\or a garter.  

i'm sure you can think of other creative ideas.  

also, if this doesn't work...say, "mom.... i really don't want to wear your wedding dress.  you are important to me... so by the time i get married we can think of something else very sentimental to do instead."

hope this helps!!

you spend so much time arguing about things when you are actually planning a wedding...no need to do it now!!!

good luck!

all the best :)

Answer 11

Well you have two options.  You can get it altered...just take the sleeves off and simplify it to today's style (or whenever you get married.) OR have a dress made with some of the same material.  Surely your mom would work with you one that.  When it happens, it will all be about you anyway.

Answer 12

cant say it any better than Mandi above, completely agree with her!

Answer 13

The divorce is enough of an excuse if you're looking for one.... just say that you feel that it comes with a negative past and you'd like your own dress to make memories in.

Answer 14

you getting married is way off from now you don't have to worry about...

and if she still wants you to wear her dress ask her if u can have it fixed so it's more todays style just get rid of the high neck line and puffy sleaves make it a straples idk

but thats still a ling time off anyway

good luck!!

Answer 15

either have it altered or tell the truth... you don't like it and you want the experience of shopping for your own dress

Answer 16

Just tell her that you don't feel comfortable wearing it because of the fact that she married your father in it and they are now divorced. Tell her there are no hard feelings, it would just make you a lot more comfortable to wear a dress free of any emotional baggage.

Answer 17

When the time comes for your wedding, just tell your mother that you've decided to select your own dress. You will be an adult by then and there will be nothing she can do about it.

Answer 18

What does she mean you HAVE to wear her dress? Is she going to force you into the dress before you walk down the aisle?

Your mother needs to get a grip...don't worry about it now..when the time comes, pick out your own dress. If she wants to throw a fit about it then, so be it. Just do what you want and let her deal with it.

That's a very selfish attitude for her to have.

Answer 19

you could always take it to a seamstress and have them dramatically alter it.... itll still be her dress but it wont look the same......as far as the hat, tell her to f*ck off!

Answer 20

Just tell her that the dress is not you.  Tell her you always dreamt of a dress that, ie.  was strapless, or that you want a tiara and not a hat, etc...  It really shouldn't hurt her feelings, you're her daughter but you are your own person, and have your own taste.  It's not like she's asking you to keep a 5 generation old antique and you're refusing, it was her wedding dress which,by the way, ended in a divorce.  Good luck!

Answer 21

Gain or loose a lot of weight, make sure the dress doesn't fit, and if possible, rip it when trying it on. Either that, or the day you really start thinking about a wedding dress becase you finally have someone to marry and a set date, serious plans, etc, arrive home one day with tons of bridal magazines, and start showing her what you would like for a dress. She might feel cross for a couple of days, but fashion always wins us in the end, and she'll be voicing her opinions in no time.

Answer 22

Tell her the dress is lovely but you may fear it could bring you bad luck like it did her ending up divorced to your dad. Don't worry she won't be offended....

Answer 23

To be honest, she was probably just spouting off and dreaming, like many mothers-of-the-bride do...

Don't talk to her about it now, let her dream.  If she brings it up again, just remind her that it's "your" day when you get married, and you'll talk about the dress once you've got a man to walk you down the aisle in it.

(You may also want to remind her that wedding fashions have changed a little since she wore her dress, and while it's nice, it's not exactly the classic look, at least today.)

But who knows? Maybe in 10 years sleeves and hats will be back in!