My wife is bi-polar. Married ?

Question

We were separated for 3 years. I begged for her to get engaged in the relationship and she would laugh at me. I gave everything to win her back and then she lost her job and wanted to reconcile. I let her move back in but said that was putting the cart before the horse. She took another job with a major pay cut and feeling taking advantage of. There is no emotional connection. I'm a compassionate, heartfelt on the sleeve guy that would die to save the person he loved. I'm on empty. I've been to counseling at my church for 3 years. Last year, she served me divorce papers 2 weeks before I lost my Father to God which stings. I feel used and neglected. I want to be happy, peace, no verbal abuse, don't talk at me, talk to me. Please help. I'm ready to ask her to move out and refusing to see my church counselor with her again. We've been there twice and cheated on each other. I want to do what is right and not wrong. I'm a good person and just want to do the right thing.

Answer 1

She had served you the divorce papers.    If you weren't ready then it seems you are now.    Ask her to find somewhere else to go.  Tell her this is it.  You have reached your limit,  and have decided you're better off alone.    A lot has happened at least you tried.

Answer 2

If she is bi-polar, she needs medical attention. You can't save your relationship if she is mentally unstable. If she refuses to get help, maybe it's time for you to move on.

Answer 3

First of all, you said she was bipolar.  Is she getting proper treatment?  If she isn't, will she?  It's certainly very difficult to relate to a crazy person who refuses treatment.  What job she has or doesn't have and how much money she makes is completely irrelevant to the relationship.  Were you trying to say that she only came back for financial support?  That could be relevant.  Your paragraph is confusing.  No emotional connection?  Where?  You don't love her?  She doesn't love you?  That might change if she gets proper treatment for her bipolar.  The right thing to do is try to work it out with a counselor so that you both can love each other again.  Of course you both have to stop cheating on each other.  Is she willing to meet you half way and give you what you need?  

I just read you have a seven year old son.  If you divorce her, she will crumble.  He needs a mom.  Your only chance of keeping her straight is staying married.  Also she might take away your son in a divorce and then where would he be?  You can fight her in court for custody, but you have to prove her incompetent and that will get really ugly.

You need to see a counselor on your own as well-- your own personal counselor, not the marriage counselor.  Someone who knows about mental illness can make suggestions for how to handle your wife.  They can also help lower your stress in general and give you the support you need.  This is tough-- really tough.  You certainly need support.

I read your latest.  Honestly you're not making a lot of sense.  It's hard to tell what's really going on when you contradict yourself.  Again you need your own counselor regardless of what you decide to do with your marriage.

Answer 4

Ouch...

I been w/my spouse for 17 years also. Hes been cheating the past 7 years--that "I" know of.

This last time (in June) I was prepared to leave, but unfortunately Id waited too long. My oldest is now 16 and begged me to stay. So, here I am...staying for the kids. Im bi-polar too, medicated and living a happy life ignoring my worse half.

Funny....we spent the holiday weekend at my family reunion...and yes, he was just kinda there. I actually thought this was posted by my husband, when I first read it!! LOTS of what you say, is my same ordeal.

Advice?...Id offer your wife the option of a FULL MENTAL EVALUATION or a divorce. I understand your pain, so I know its WAY easier said than done. However, realize that when your child reaches 14-16 he will know whats taken place and then you may be forced to stay out of love for him-as I am doing now.

GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS

Answer 5

cut your ties and start over

Answer 6

sounds like the toils of life.. sometimes you have to seek a third party, even away from the church...  she may be confused and doesn't really know what to do.. many of us have a hard time figuring out life.. we go years without knowing ourselves... I think that is why many of us make bad decisions, trying to figure out things and don't know how far is too far... I recommend a "translator", someone that will hear her feelings and translate them to you, and vise versa... men & women don't understand each other,