New poem. Your thoughts?

Question

Placing one foot in front of the next,

She travels down the deserted

Paths of crisscross pine-needle patchwork

That snake across the forest floor.

She pauses as orange leaves circle in a downward spiral,

Twisting with the gentle breeze around her

Like the warm embrace of origin, of tacit familiarity.

Listening closely, this unknown sanctuary

Has deafened her to the grinding mechanics

Of humanity’s ticking watch.

As her identity floats away with white dandelion seeds,

The wood whispers her name,

The roaring waterfall sings her story,

And the creaking boughs of giant redwood trees

Reveal ants moving the earth

And those who ignorantly destroy it.

Disappearing into a cloudy haze

Of the green and crimson pallor of the earth,

She breathes what has yet to be stained by her kind,

Burying herself in black velvet soil

As she gazes upon purity with the clarity of emeralds.

any reviews or help with grammar/rhythm/etc. would be appreciated.

Answer 1

One of the greatest experiences in my 67 years, was walking in the redwood forests of John Muir National Park. While in this primeval setting, I kept thinking about the nature of New York City. One thing that kept coming back was the images of so many plants that I have seen sprouting up through minute cracks in the sidewalk, of a gingko tree growing on a brick wall and getting its nourishment and water solely from the exhaust fan of a Chinese restaurant. I remember feeling that whatever humans do to the planet, it will recover. That was in 1973, now I'm not as sure.

At any rate...the poem.

It has the rhythm of a person who's half-drunk and missing a shoe. I like that, it focused my attention.*

Although the meaning is clear, lines 8 & 9 actually have the sanctuary doing the listening. That's the only grammatical note I have to offer. Of course, I shall refrain from extolling your vivid imagery. I shall not mention how strongly evocative this was for me. Neither do I dare laud so many fine turns of phrase. Neither shall you hear one single word regarding its eloquent clarity.

*That was my reaction after the first two readings. After I read it aloud to myself, it seemed to flow as naturally as normal speech.

Answer 2

i think that it is a very strong good difficult poem. Ur diction is excellent and i could imagine that girl surrounded by that natural beauty. I could listen to the birds with her but y did she buried herself at the end!! sad ending but really it is creative.

Answer 3

I don't gerr it, what's it about EXACTLY? I'm getting mixed messages.. when I write poetry there is a clear meaning hidden behind similies, metaphors etc..

Answer 4

Beautiful imagery and words, but I don't understand it.

Answer 5

"Hi!"

This is an outstanding poem. Full of imagry and details.You have done really well.

WELL DONE!  : )