Nine months pregnant bridesmaid at wedding?

Question

6 wks ago my bm3 asked if it was ok if she was 3 mths pregnant at my wedding. Of course I said yes as i knew it would make her happy. 2 wks later I heard her talking to bm1, saying that she was planning on being 6 mths. I let it slide as it seemed to make her happy. Then we all went dress shopping, she announced that she could not fit into this dress at 8 mths pregnant.

That night i decided to ring her. I told her that i was worried about her being 8 mths pregnant at my wedding as it is a very long day, we will be getting in and out of the limo all day, standing for long periods, i didn't want to stress her out or the unborn baby. Also that there is a higher chance of her having to go into hospital with complications or labour etc & her to miss our wedding. Her husband is best man so of course we could lose him as well. She pretty much said "deal with it, its happening". I cant see how she can be a bridesmaid at 8 mths pregnant.

What do i do?

Answer 1

If she is willing to spend the money on a dress she might not wear, go for and don't sweat it.

Be prepared for both to be missing on the day and be happy if they can make it

Answer 2

Well, to be honest, if that's all you are worried about, it's not really your decision, it's her's.  She has to look out for her best interest and that of her baby.  If she is willing to go forward, you shouldn't worry.  However, you should worry that she and her husband may not make the wedding at all if it's that close to the due date.  You should come up with a back up plan should the baby come early or if there are complications.

Answer 3

Well realistically she'll either deliver or be about to go into labour right during your wedding. If it's her first baby then she'll even be a bit early. Everyone I know delivered a week or so beforehand and that needs to be taken into consideration.

I think you should just go for a dinner together and discuss a backup option as realistically you'll need one. Definitely for the best man in this case and maybe she doesn't have to wear a bridesmaid dress as she really won't know how big she'll be anyway! She can pick a maternity gown in the same color for herself.

As for the strain: it really depends on the season and how big she is now, how big she may become and how active she is. But either way you can't really depend on her to walk much or do alot that late into pregnancy.

All the best :)

Answer 4

You will most definatly need a back up plan. She could be in the hospital, just given birth or be in pain. As long as she is having a normal pregnancy and is not in labor then it will be ok for her to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't have her do a lot of standing. You have her sitting in pics and during the ceremony.

If your really worried you can replace her, but then your fiance might have to find another best man.

I know that your worried but, your friend just dosen't want to be treated any different or be exluded just because she's pregnant.

Answer 5

Honestly, this may seem mean, but I think I would ask her to drop out.  You're going to be stressed enough as it is on your wedding day.  You don't need the possibility of one of your bridesmaids going into labor on your day or having to drop out close to the wedding because she's on bedrest or has the baby early.

Answer 6

babydoll style dresses for you bridesmaides would work best because she can fit one w/ the babybelly and it will look good on the unpregnant ones as well so they can all wear the same style as for her canceling for birth and or illness she couldnt help that and what if nothing happens and you miss out on her being you bridesmaide? that would suck, plus like you said if she cancels then the bestman will cancel to so at least you will still have even numbers.

Answer 7

My sister was about 5 1/2months pregnant when I got married and it didn't phase me. I asked her knowing she was pregnant and the lady who designed the bridesmaid dresses had my sister come in 2 times a month to keep measuring up until a few days before the wedding. Her dress fit perfectly and despite her 'bump' she was gorgeous.

I'd let your friend stay in the wedding if she wants to, as long as she is comfortable through out the day. She is right, it's happening no matter what. Good luck though!

Answer 8

I think she knows what she can handle. Hey husband is going to be right there with her to assist. I think you should stop worrying about it. What are all these stressful things your bridesmaids must do? Carry you in on a golden chariot?

Answer 9

It's her choice. If she's up for doing it, then you have no right to tell her that she can't. She'll drop out if she feels that she has to. And if she does ... it won't ruin your wedding.

Just make sure she's got a chair to sit in during the ceremony, even if your other BMs are standing.

Answer 10

I think she will be fine.. As long as she isn't the MOH she will be fine .. maybe don't have her stand with the girls but sit during the ceremony in the front pews and be escorted and and back out as ususal but have her sit it out what we did for my sister at my little sister's wedding was had a decorated chair in her spot at the altar.

Answer 11

Seriously these are doctors suggesting that.  Not God.  A due date is not like the date of a final exam.  It's a suggestion.  Take a quick poll of your friends to see how many of them actually came on their due date.  Three days is NOT enough time for her to not sweat it.

And unless she lives within 15 minutes of the ceremony, her doctor will have told her not to travel within that final time span.

It definitely seems to me that you cannot keep them in the wedding.  He will not be able to be BM and risk leaving her alone for a couple hours when she could go into labor.  He will be too distracted.  And she has NO idea what she is talking about.  In the days before you have a baby, you can barely walk much less hearing her talk about what dress to wear and running around getting hair and makeup done.  Yeah you can tell this is her first kid.

How does she not know if she will be 3 mo preg or 9 mo preg at your wedding?  How far away is your wedding?  I'm wondering if this is even possible.  If your wedding is in the next 7 months, she should know already b/c it's set in stone.  If not, I think she may be planning on becoming pregnant and just hopeful.  Perhaps even jealous that is isn't all about her.

But yeah--she can't be a bridesmaid at 9 months.  Not even close.  Standing for merely an hour will be almost too much for her.  And as her feet won't be the same size, she won't be in heels.  I think you've gotta tell her that it just ain't happening.  That would be far too much stress on the mom and baby.

Answer 12

i agree with thinkpink above. i was in a wedding where one of the bridesmaids was 9 months pregnant and she managed to make through the entire wedding and reception. no, she didn't stand the whole time and the only "emergency" that she had was when she got up to do her reading--she thought her water broke. it didn't, but it's not like the bride was going to stomp around and have a tantrum about it.

your bridesmaid has a life too and if she and her husband are trying to get pregnant, you declaring that it's your wedding day and you don't want everything to be messed up is a bit selfish. your intentions may be honorable but your message isn't coming across quite as clear.

i understand your concern for her welfare. but give her some credit. she'll tell you if she's comfortable or if she needs to sit down. make sure there is a seat available for her and that someone can contact her doctor or call 911 in case there is an emergency.

Answer 13

I think she's not being very helpful or understanding by saying "deal with it....it's happening". I understand what you mean- I know you're not worried about her being big at the wedding, but this could potentially ruin your wedding. What if her water breaks while you're walking down the aisel? What if she passes out from exhaustion or standing so long, etc. Or what if she goes into labor the night before your wedding?? If I were you, I wouldnt want to be spending my wedding day worrying about my bridesmaid. the day is supposed to be about YOU and your husband....not checking on her every few minutes to see if she's ok, needs to sit, needs a drink, etc. I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask her to not be a part of the wedding. Explain all of these things to her....say "what happens if you go into labor during the ceremony?....what if you're in the hospital the day of the wedding and you can't make it, then everything is messed up?" You shouldn't have to deal with that. If I were you, I'd ask her not to be in the wedding because it would be too much stress on the both of you.

Answer 14

Atleast if she goes into labor her husband will go with her and so you won't have uneven bridesmaids and groomsmen! Let her do it. She may be a little slow and sweaty at your wedding but she clearly really wants to be a part of it so let her. Does it make a big difference if her and her husband suddenly have to leave? Just make sure you plan around that possibility. Don't give either of them any huge responsibilities for the wedding day so if they have to leave, everything will still get done.

Answer 15

A girl I work with stood up in her sister's wedding (she was MOH!) and it was 5 days before her due date, which she ended up having her 4 days late anyway...

Is this girl even pregnant yet, or just trying?? It's hard to tell from the way you stated it... "planning on being 3 months" or "planning on being 6 months." If she's just trying, then you're stressing out over something that may or may not even happen, but if she is... well... I would let her be a BM, but I agree with whoever said to have a back up plan, especially since the daddy is the best man! And I also agree to have an empty chair in the front row for her in case she needs to sit down. And if she does have the baby and can't be in your wedding, well, then I guess you will have to deal with it if it happens...

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress about it. Especially if she's not even pregnant yet.

Good luck! :)

EDIT: I see according to your additional details, that she IS pregnant... my answer still stands, though! :)